To choose trying for another baby or going back to University?

29 replies

Picklepepper1 · 21/08/2023 16:42

Not sure if this is the right place to put this but not sure where else it fitted.

So long story (kind of) short, I went to University when I was 20, during which I had the implant, was due to have it removed and a new one put in as I was one month over the 3 years it was effective. Low and behold whilst waiting for it to be removed I fell pregnant, so decided to drop out of my course and have my darling girl who is now 4. When she turned 1, me and my partner decided to try for another as we agreed we wanted another baby and would prefer to have them closer together. However, 2 years down the line and we still didn’t have a positive test and as it was during covid times, fertility issues..especially for a second baby, were not a priority for our GP. I got to the point where I felt like I couldn’t keep putting things on hold as was eager to get back to University and so we made the decision for me to go back when my daughter turned 3. Low and behold, 2 months into starting University, I finally fell pregnant. I stayed and completed my first year with the intentions of suspending my studies until my new baby boy was old enough to join the local preschool at the age of two (I live in a semi rural area, can’t drive and so it is the only preschool/nursery I am able to get him to but they do not except children till the age of two).

The reason for this post is that I can’t help but feel like such an urge for one more child but my partner has said that he is all for having one more, however it would have to be in the next 2 years because he is getting a bit older now (currently 35) and doesn’t want to spend his life returning back to having small children, which is obviously understandable (he also has an 11 year old). This obviously affects my plans on returning to uni as I cannot suspend my studies any longer then I currently am, nor can I drop out from my course and try again in a few years as I already used my ‘bonus year’ from student finance, and would not be able to afford the fees on our own.

So I have to choose between having a much wanted third but final baby, or returning to University.

Am I being unreasonable for leaning towards having a third baby?

I am so worried that I will get to an age and have regrets for not having one, however would never regret having one.

Obviously this all being said, I might not even be able to fall pregnant for a third time.

OP posts:

strawberryjeans · 21/08/2023 16:56

If it were your first or second I’d say go for it, but it’s not. It’s your third and his fourth. That’s a lot. What would you hope that 3rd baby would bring you that the other two haven’t? Who can afford 2+ unless you are extremely high earners these days anyway

Do not let him dictate that he wants to be no older than 35, he should be wanting the best for you. Enjoy the lovely babies you have got and do something for you. If things went pear shaped with your partner you would hugely regret not doing this. Do right by yourself and your two little ones.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 21/08/2023 16:49

Your partner needs to stop overpopulating the planet and you need to establish a livelihood ASAP.

BlueSquirrelTurnip · 21/08/2023 16:47

You’re so young OP. 24/5 (?) and already 2 kids, a step kid not much younger than you, and an older partner pressuring you to have another kid.

My advice would be - go and do your degree! And get your driving licence! You could have another baby in 10 years time if you wanted. I’d really think carefully about dropping out of your degree.

get some independence first.

mycoffeecup · 21/08/2023 16:44

Partner, not husband? Finish your degree and get a job, you're hugely vulnerable. If he wants to even consider you putting your life on hold for longer, you need to be married or in a civil partnership.

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