Has anyone had a baby via surrogacy?

Why would they?

About 6-8% of pregnancies experience life threatening conditions.

Rates of maternal death increase with maternal age. Rates in 2021 were 20.4 deaths per 100,000 live births for women under age 25, 31.3 for those aged 25–39, and 138.5 for those aged 40 and over.

In the U.K there is an almost four-fold difference in maternal mortality rates amongst women from black ethnic backgrounds and an almost two-fold difference amongst women from asian ethnic backgrounds compared to white women. These disparities are statistically unchanged from 2018-2020. (From MBRACE.)

In the US black women have had the highest maternal mortality rate of any racial or ethnic group since at least 2014. In 2021, their rate was 69.9 deaths per 100,000 births, more than 2.5 times higher than the rate for white women (26.6) and Hispanic women (27.9).

The life of the surrogate mother isn’t the priority for commissioning parents during or after the birth (roughly 40-45% of maternal death occurs up to 24 hours after the birth), but in some cases even a live baby isn’t either. Brittney Pearson who was a surrogate mother and was diagnosed with breast cancer in May at 22 weeks. The commissioning fathers not only asked her to terminate at 24 weeks, rejected the child due to being born premature but they also would not agree to having the child born and adopted.

Here's some more real life experiences for you OP.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12254637/Surrogate-claims-gay-dads-told-terminate-pregnancy-24-weeks-cancer-diagnosis.html

Women who have died whilst carrying a surrogacy pregnancy are not limited to:

Michelle Reeves
Jenny Craft
Lydia Cox
Crystal White
Brooke Brown
Natasha Caltabiano
Premila Vaghela

And an anonymous woman who died in May 2021.

hope you’re ok, OP. You asked a perfectly reasonable question and some absolute idiots/ blinkered/ know it alls have jumped on your thread bombarding and bulldozing their views and selfishly putting you and anyone with a remotely sensible answer down. I appreciate that some may have some limited experience to back up their views but there are plenty of opposing views and experiences that others have pointed out.

I’d be asking similar questions in your position. Nothing you’ve said would suggest the personality flaws suggested by some of the recent posters, I think they need to hold a mirror up to their own behaviour.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

What @Clymene said. Your posts are frankly appalling, op, and they give an insight into your character you'd probably do better to keep hidden.

There are other risks.

But I'm ducking out now because you're unspeakably rude and quite honestly I don't think anyone should give you the time of day.

FWIW you'd make an awful parent given you think throwing insults around is a good way of getting your point across.

Tbh OP the ethics should be the ONLY thing. Once you've looked into the ethics and discovered all the big ethical issues you'd surely want to end it there? You can't just put those to one side.

It's a bit like asking 'I'm thinking of going into human trafficking, ethics aside, is it a good business?'. It doesn't matter, the ethical concerns mean you shouldn't do it.

So centralising ethics and making ethics the heart of any conversation about ethics is 'stupid'?

I stand by what I say about trying to dismiss ethics at every opportunity because it's inconvenient, a nuisance and what you don't want to hear being disgusting.

Genuinely interested in your thoughts about the ethics op? What were your conclusions with your research

How is ivf buying a child? I didn't pay for mine, the same way I didn't pay for cancer treatment. I couldn't create a baby on my own (even with dh help), same way I couldn't cure my own cancer.

Ivf is not like surrogacy. Going through treatment with your dh, where you then carry, birth, and then raise your own child is completely different to surrogacy.

I follow a woman on Instagram who documents her surrogacies. I find this really interesting because in Canada surrogates are only allowed to be paid "expenses" and yet she's found another way to monetise the process (through insta).

Anyway, she's always going on about how much she loves being a surrogate, and how it's all so misunderstood etc etc. And yet, she also goes on about how surrogates in Canada deserve to be paid "properly" (like they are in the US) because it's such a difficult thing to do 🤷‍♀️

Yes, yes they are
Which ones is a matter of opinion

I know two women who have been surrogates. The first did it for a close friend (using the friend's embryo). She was very upset throughout her first and third trimesters that she was neglecting her own 4yo because she felt so unwell, I would say that she had serious regrets during the pregnancy tbh, but the birth went smoothly, she recovered well, she's still very close friends with the family etc. She says she doesn't regret it, but she definitely wouldn't do it again.

The other woman was a surrogate for her sister. The sister never ever should have asked, and the woman herself should have said no- she'd already had a miserable pregnancy with her own child, horrible HG, and very significant PND, all of which resurfaced in her surrogacy pregnancy. Lasting negative impacts for the surrogate mother, her child and husband, and her relationship with her sister and niece.

Ffs some people on this thread are so stupid
The irony...

This.

Your post is 'i don't want to talk about the ethics of surrogacy'.

Just how disgusting is it to be unwilling to talk about ethics as if they are inconvenient, a nuisance or something that can just be swept under the carpet.

IVF doesn't put another woman's life at risk.

@highsexdriveonhol I’m so sorry for your losses. Although there is a lot to think about with surrogacy and its “cons” as such you are not going to get much from AIBU section on mumsnet. I would suggest reaching out somewhere else and speaking to people with experiences of surrogacy. Remember that you are not going to meet any one off of mumsnet in real life and you need to do what’s best for you. You only get one life. I do agree with some comments about surrogacy, it can be awful and go horribly wrong but it can also be a beautiful thing.

A lot of the comments about surrogacy is for the adults gain, isn’t that the same without surrogacy? Me and my DH wanted a baby, the baby had no say in being conceived. My DH knew the risks of me dying during pregnancy or childbirth, especially as I wanted an elective c section. Does that make him an awful person for knowing the risks but still choosing to get me pregnant? If all parties involved are happy to do so, then I can’t see issues. Obviously there are situations where this isn’t the case, so you need to do your research and pick the person you know is doing it because they want too not just because they need the money

No. It feels ‘off’ (understatement) to make such a distinction between an alpha egg donor & a surrogate where smarts & looks are not important or at least, relevant in terms of goal.

it is more common in USA, amongst celebs & those with ££ than you might suspect. I also suspect some are not straightforward or entirely honest about it either.

Yeah, it's totally academic that these babies are bought and sold under property law.

Most babies are created because of the parents’ need for a baby, and no baby consents to be created.
This is getting a bit ridiculous.

OP good luck for whatever your future brings.

Stop trafficking babies. It's the real life Handmaid's Tale and I don't understand how it's legal.