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Original poster

Has anyone had a baby via surrogacy?

368 replies

highsexdriveonhol · 20/08/2023 17:46

Posting for traffic as no one replied to the surrogacy area (fully aware probably the worst place to post but need answers!)

Disclaimer: this is NOT a thread about the ethics of surrogacy - please don't come here with posts about how you don't agree with surrogacy blah blah it's not what the thread is for and you'd be wasting your breath.

I'm exploring all routes of starting a family and to be honest, not convinced this route is for me but I feel only right to consider everything before drawing a line.

So I wanted to hear about positive and negative experiences of surrogacy from parents that did this to have a family.

Did it go well or not well for you, would you do it again?

Are there trauma issues for the child in your experience? Did you struggle to bond with the child?

Ideally looking for couple that used their own sperm and egg where possible.

Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
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highsexdriveonhol · 20/08/2023 18:17

This reply has been deleted

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drinktilisink · 20/08/2023 18:14

Clymene · 20/08/2023 18:02

There was an AMA from a woman who donated her eggs which I found v eye opening as it's always made out to be so easy

I donated my eggs AMA www.mumsnet.com/Talk/AMA/4715888-i-donated-my-eggs-ama?msgid=-4715888#-4715888

An excellent thread. From 'I did a nice thing and didn't think much of the long term implications' to 'egg collection was worse than my emergency c section and once they got my eggs they couldn't give a shit about me lol'. Worth a read.

NuffSaidSam · 20/08/2023 18:11

I think listening to and thinking about the ethical concerns involved in surrogacy is a part of 'considering everything' tbf. After all, if you go down this route you're going to have to justify it to your child at some point. Telling your child that you didn't care for anyone's ethical concerns/anyone raising any was 'wasting their breath' probably isn't an attitude consistent with being a good parent. Your child is going to share a unique bond with his/her birth mother and what you're saying is you have no concern for her safety or wellbeing (these are some of the key ethical concerns).

Jojobees · 20/08/2023 18:11

I’ve sent you a PM.

Miniml · 20/08/2023 18:10

Yes. We've successfully done it and know many others who have. No emotional issues and child very aware and comfortable with their story up to this point. Very different to adoption in terms of processing. Surrogate felt it was one of the best experiences of her life. Yes she is an angel. I know how this thread will go so I'm name changing and not returning. Sorry I can't answer follow up questions. Good luck.

Clymene · 20/08/2023 18:02

There was an AMA from a woman who donated her eggs which I found v eye opening as it's always made out to be so easy

I donated my eggs AMA www.mumsnet.com/Talk/AMA/4715888-i-donated-my-eggs-ama?msgid=-4715888#-4715888

Passerillage · 20/08/2023 17:58

I know one family, and the surrogate mother was the mother’s sister. They are all very close and they all lived in the same town for the first six months after the (much beloved and very happy now, 3 years on) baby was born. I think this is probably one of the few setups that truly works for everyone concerned.

FourTeaFallOut · 20/08/2023 17:57

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Robinbuildsbears · 20/08/2023 17:56

YABU

lightinthebox · 20/08/2023 17:55

Hoppinggreen · 20/08/2023 17:50

Unfortunately you don’t get to choose who posts.
As long as people stay within Talk Guidelines they are allowed to express their opinions on surrogacy.
Mine is that it should be illegal

OP wanted experiences not opinions.

jeaux90 · 20/08/2023 17:54

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feminism/4608634-surrogacy

This is a good thread OP. It will probably put you off.

ohcrums · 20/08/2023 17:53

rollonretirementfgs · 20/08/2023 17:53

She isn't asking for your opinion, she wants people's experiences. So off you go

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I think opinions like that will put people off posting their experiences tbh

ohcrums · 20/08/2023 17:53

I think people are going to post on here saying they disagree with surrogacy. You might be better off finding a specialist board tbh

rollonretirementfgs · 20/08/2023 17:53

Hoppinggreen · 20/08/2023 17:50

Unfortunately you don’t get to choose who posts.
As long as people stay within Talk Guidelines they are allowed to express their opinions on surrogacy.
Mine is that it should be illegal

She isn't asking for your opinion, she wants people's experiences. So off you go

Anothernamethesamegame · 20/08/2023 17:51

There are a few donor conceived and infant adoptee people on TikTok who make really interesting content about their experience of being the child conceived. Not surrogacy but I imagine the issues are likely to be similar. Seems to be little of the child’s voice when you read about surrogacy, so these people might be useful for that perspective.

Hoppinggreen · 20/08/2023 17:50

Unfortunately you don’t get to choose who posts.
As long as people stay within Talk Guidelines they are allowed to express their opinions on surrogacy.
Mine is that it should be illegal