My 19 year old son lives at home with me. Covid lockdowns had a really negative effect on him and he dropped out of college and became quite isolated and anxious. Over the last 12 months I’ve encouraged him to get a job and start socialising again. He has recently got a new job at a pub that opens until 12.30 at weekends and has also reconnected with his friends and enjoys going out - so far so good. I never impose a curfew but I am clear I like to know what time he will be back, if he is going to be late and if he is going to stay out all night.
To use yesterday as an example - he worked a shift until 12.30am and went for a drink with friends. I texted (before his shift ended) to say did he want a lift home and if not let me know what time he will be back. No response. I woke up at 4am - still not in and no text. So I texted again and eventually at half 5 this morning he messages to say he is staying somewhere else. Don’t think he would have let me know if I hadn’t asked. This is irritating because as well as me worring about him, keeping these hours means he will rock up at home and sleep most of the day and then do absolutely nothing around the house yet expect meals cooked etc! I understand he is an adult but I do feel this is getting unreasonable on his part. Would it be unreasonable to put stronger ground rules in place? I would suggest he moved out but there is no way he can afford it on his wage and I do worry about his mental health.
I also work full time and, if I do have a night out, I always let both my kids know what time I will be back and if I will be late so I don’t feel I am really asking something I would not do myself.