He makes noise constantly

In don't want to dampen his natural personality but I've asked him to please try to tone it down a bit when we're both WFH especially the singing. It's unbearable. He has a running playlist that he carries on listening too once he's home and he chunters along to it. He's had that same playlist for 3 years. He also constantly asks "are you there?" Whilst I'm just trying to quietly get on with something.

Yes the complete overreaction to maybe dropping a spoon! Huffing, puffing, groaning, and vocalisation of every thought in his head. Which if I don't acknowledge just gets rantier and rantier. It is a middle aged man thing, it's unbearable and he wasn't like this when we got together. I can't stand deliberately loud, overly dramatic people.

Yep we've had the ridiculously loud performative sneeze added to the repertoire since hitting 50 too. Actually hurts my ears and he never did it when I met him.

You have my sympathies op. We have the throat clearing, sneezing, chuntery mindless singing and humming, banging about the house (the frantic drama when he's trying to leave is something to behold) and telling me everything about work in mind numbing ranty detail. As he gets noisier I get quieter as it's driving me into meltdown. He's very "extra" as our DD says about him. Everything a drama, can't just crack on quietly and unobtrusively

“Can you hear yourself? You sound absolutely disgusting. Shut the fuck up.”

That oughta do it.

Gaviscon and hay-fever tablets are your friends right now. If neither work...
you have ...........the ick!

My DH would make a tuneless humming noise just before he asked me to add one of his tasks to my already long list . E.G I come in from a long day as a carer to be given a pile of junk mail to "check through" (his) or forms to fill in ( his) when he had been home alone all day . One day ,coming home to 3 hungry kids and a sick parent ,this happened again . Humming,junk mail .I set up a tuneless humming of my own and threw the pile of mail in the fire .

I feel murderous rage when my DP eats yoghurt or cereal. He constantly smacks his lips and makes these awful wet sucking noises and with the yoghurt he spends an absolute age scraping the spoon up and down the side of the pot with his stupid tiny teaspoon. With the cereal he keeps clinking the spoon against the bowl over and over and over again whilst slurping up his milk and smacking his lips. I have to leave the room.

He also breathes ridiculously loudly.

Mine hums or whistles and it is starting to drive me insane. Even when eating he is fucking humming as he goes. Makes me murderous. If he comes to my house and I'm finishing off some work he sits humming or whistling which totally distracts me from what I'm trying to do... it's honestly lucky that he works from home as his colleagues would be stuck listening to that all day!!

I know right? Completely and utterly pushed over the edge. There's no way back from this, get him in the fucking bin.

Oh god, I'm the same. It's positively Dickensian, these gastric fellows with their innards goinking and rasping and very often making a meal of it. I need the telly or radio on to tune it out.

Together 20 years and DH adds to his catalogue of irritating noises annually.

This year, it's a performative sneeze that you can hear across the house. & When I question it.... 'Its just how I sneeze. Aren't I allowed to sneeze?'. He is in his fifties and this drawn out - high pitched scream-sneeze is entirely new.

I wonder what will be next? Playing the theme tune to Johnnie Briggs when he farts?

yeah my husband started this shit, every time he did it i told him to stop it or shut up depending on how pissed off i was, he doesn't do it anymore so i think its a voluntary thing.

Are you perimenopausal by any chance?

When my hormones started going wappy I started to find every single noise my DH makes absolutely rage inducing. I'm sure he's always been as annoying but everything felt MAGNIFIED.

Yes exactly. My house is quiet and clean! Bliss. Performative noise is very tedious

I have one of these at home too. He exaggerates his reaction to every minor mishap, yelling out to the point where you think his leg has been chewed off when all he's done is drop a plastic lid on the floor or spill a few cornflakes. And I definitely relate to the wet eating, snorting, sniffing, hacking, coughing and the lug busting sneezes.

And just to add to the mix, he doesn't keep his inner monologue inner. He verbalises it. All the live long day. He's like one of those on-the-scene-as-events-unfold roving reporters, except all he's doing is rinsing out a milk carton for recycling.

Posts like this make me so glad I'm a late life lesbian. What is it with men that as they get older they have to make sure everyone knows they are there the whole time. It's a sound based version of manspreading. Ugh.

My DH has become a sniffer, and sniffing is one sound I cannot stand. When I snap and tell him to blow his nose he says nothing comes out, but then continues sniffing. Accompanying this he is always doing huge, loud completely dry hooting nose blows that you can hear through the whole house.
He's taken to randomly doing loud sigh/groans all the time that sound borderline sexual.
To top it off he snores like a pig, mouth breaths and sounds like he's run a marathon if he so much as walks down the stairs.
He wasn't like this when we met

It's peri-menopause. We no longer have the ability or inclination to deal with this fuckwittery.

@tootiredtobother even worse at 60?! I'm doomed then, mine's not even 40 yet!!

I was on a train recently and it packed the guy standing next to me was constantly coughing (no tissues, didn't even use his hand), and wiping his nose with his hand. I handed him a pack of tissues and said "please use these" he was shocked. Didn't even seem to realise, but he did have the grace to go bright red.

Respect!!

I would spend the rest of my life in prison if I lived with someone like that. Just reading it has given me the rage.

I can’t stand loud eaters and have thankfully trained 6yr old Dd to eat nicely.

I once dated someone who was incredibly beautiful, but we went out for dinner and he ate the entire meal with his mouth open. Oh my word, not ashamed to say I did ghost him after that.

Some women are like this, I worked with a woman who just farted all day whatever the weather

oh I have found my tribe.. husband does the throat clearing, no phlegm , just the noise morning noon and night. When I pointed it out he said it was the toothpaste tickling his throat, I said 'what are you 6 and swallowing it' !
then he changed explanation to his hayfever, on and on they don't know they are doing it and yes it's worse once they reach 60

My disgusting DH had the audacity to give me a look when I moved to the other end of the table from him today. He was putting too much uncut food in his mouth then letting some drop back out onto the plate as he chewed.

He also does the gross inward burps, eats so loudly the TV has to be paused or subtitles added if he's snacking and relishes doing performance belches, farts, nose-blows and sneezes. It's grim and either I was blind to it before we married or he's got worse over the years, because I can't imagine dating someone doing that for long!!