Am I paying too much to live at my partners house?

My love in boyfriend pays half the utilities which I manage -no rent element.

I juggle around utilities and cancel say Netflix and go to Disney. I don't remit his share every month.

I just once a year do a reworking and adjust his payment going forward.

£800 fir bills is a lot though. Large house i assume (so high council tax and elec/gas)

Of course if he said you need to pay x as I got say sky sports for you at £50 extra per month, I'd query that but if he is just moving suppliers and getting new customers deals, I don't see an issue.

So instead she should pay him to share his bed, have sex with him and form a life together? While he builds equity on a home - subsidised by her - she has no rights to and can be kicked out of in a second?

Gross.

Hmmm.
You should split utilities but at end of day if shit hits fan you're homeless.
No no to paying towards his mortgage. Save that towards your own house or to buying together. He's being greedy

OP is also getting her mortgage paid off through this arrangement (her place being empty to rent out).

OP, I think you are the one taking the piss - this arrangement means your whole mortgage is taken care of but he's still paying nearly all of his.

How much rent are you getting from your flat? If you are much better off each month by living at his and he's only slightly better off, then I'd sit down and decide what's fair.

Op already owns her own place unless I’m mistaken ! She’s renting it out …..

she won’t get a beneficial k retest in his house at all nor should she

If he’s made recent changes to the utilities, I think it’s fair to ask that you have a quick review of how you’re contributing, with a view to realigning with current bills. Paying him some rent on top of utilities doesn’t seem unfair to me, so what if he uses it towards his mortgage? Someone else is doing the same for you.

You are all bonkers! £600 a month contribution towards living costs is less than she would pay as a lodger. If you are not happy OP go and lodge with astringent for more.

£600 total living costs, you're laughing aren't you. So what if you pay some rent, gosh my husband was paying his parents rent at home and they'd been mortgage free over a decade. Why should your boyfriend cover the mortgage and allow you to live there free, £200 rent is a tiny amount to pay. There'll be wear and tear from you living there, I'm amazed you think you should get a rent free ride.

Tacking the amount you pay to the amount you used to pay into a mortgage was a mistake, as is obvious if you just think about the value of what they money was buying you.

When you were paying into your own mortgage you were buying exclusive rights and a stable home, with your money eventually buying the whole property outright after 25/30 years.

In your current situation you have less security than a lodger. At least a lodger gets 2 weeks notice if the home owner wants them gone - if your relationship ends you become instantly homeless.

I would find out what the going rate is for a lodger renting a double room from a home owner in your area (specifically under lodger terms without an Assured Shorthold Tenancy and inclusive of all bills. Half that amount (because you are only getting the use of half a bedroom not a whole room of your own) or at maximum maybe 66% of it as you are getting better access to communal areas than a lodger - would be a more reasonable amount to pay. The difference between that and the mortgage you used to pay should be going into savings in your sole name to give you some stability for the future.

I'd be negotiating that back down and saving to make my own capital investment. You need to buy your own place.

I voted that you were being unreasonable, mainly because there is no option to click on 'You are being taken for a ride'.

You are unreasonable to be helping your 'partner' building wealth with no legal obligation to compensate you for that if the relationship goes tits up.

Move out again. This man is using you.

VERY difficult to prove beneficial interest!
I'd not want to rely on that...

No she’s not? She pays £600, £400 is half the bills so the rent is £200 it’s right there in the OP. She also states her mortgage is covered by rental income.

How committed is your relationship, @RJCHelp ?
Is there a disparity in incomes?
What's the long-term plan? Children?
Do you have a Plan B, aka an exit strategy ?

If you pay towards the mortgage (and can evidence this) you are likely to have a beneficial interest in his property so...if u split up remember this!

£600 is fine. That was the rent on my old studio and some people pay more than this for a house share. The rent is not just for bills it’s for the upkeep of the space etc. if someone moved in with me I would ask for £500/£600 as the bills would be a lot more, I would lose the single person element on council tax, that and my carpets/furniture/white goods will be doubled in use and may need replacing more often.
However, I can see why you are miffed he is fucking about with the bills to make them cheaper, not for you, for him it’s a bit like you have moved in to make his life cheaper rather than being in love with you.

If your mortgage is being totally covers by rent, then I think it could be fair to make a contribution to his, as he's paying a full mortgage plus (should be) half bills.

Op is paying presumably more than that and an amount linked to her previous living costs. It makes no sense to pay an amount linked to previous home costs. Surely it should be linked to the cost of keeping the joint home?

So it’s fine for your partner to pay you £200 a month in rent but not for the OP to pay that :S

So you’re happy to rent your own house out where presumably someone is paying 100% if all utilities and 100% if your mortgage but don’t like paying a few hundred quid ( exc share of utilities) rent to live in your boyfriends house ??

sounds hypocritical ime

also you don’t need to protect yourself as you already have your own home, of which your mortgage is 100% currently being paid for by someone else

I presume he wants to continue the house being ‘just his’ hence not wanting you to pay towards mortgage. So my opinion is the bills should be 50:50.

That's crackers, my boyfriend moved in and I have asked him for 600 including food, petrol etc. I earn double what he does so he just pays 1/3 of any shared costs and that would be reduced or increased as costs go up. Slightly different scenario here tho as I'm shared ownership so I only ask did work it out as a proportion of the rent element as I don't think its fair he contributes to the mortgage element.

Imagine you were him.
would you let him contribute over 50% of the bills?
why is he happy to take advantage of you like that

Seems like you're paying too much imo. When my partner moved in with me, the amount we decided on was not based on his previous living costs. We added up all utilities and council tax etc and divided it by two. As for rent, my mortgage was 450 a month and he paid 200 in "rent" to me because we felt that was a reasonable fee and obviously much better value than he was getting renting alone. We did have a solicitor draw up a cohabitation agreement which basically said what he was paying was bills and effectively lodger rent so he had no stake in the house. These agreements aren't fool proof but evidential in the event things went to court. I have children from a previous relationship so I needed to protect their interests.

Exactly.

I think the real issue here might be that OP feels he is being sneaky but cutting and changing things and not passing that on, maybe even not telling her. And that's totally fair. Moving in together prior to marriage and kids is the dress rehearsal

But he's also sussing her out and trying to not set the wrong precedent too. A lot of men, particularly high earning ones, are very wary of women.

Something along the lines of "hey I'm happy to contribute but I don't feel you're treating me like a partner by not sharing information and decisions with me, and I moved in with you to be that"