Am I paying too much to live at my partners house?

Didn't op say his was rented?

She has her mortgage. He has his mortgage. They should share the bills (cost of living) equally until such a point they are financially tied together, then they can consider their joint income and joint outgoings together as one.

This is fair in the event they break up, nobody has been hard done by or feels hard done by the other.

If that's not affordable to one of them, it's needs to be discussed prior to moving in, but that's not the case here.

Let me make it easier for people to understand then: it's because living with a partner gives the guy a lot privileges such as: using everywhere in the house as mutual space which wouldn't be possible if there was a stranger living there (more spatial freedom), expecting to eat his partner's food if she has cooked something already (less money towards food), washing done together (less energy and water bills), being able to invite a family member/friend to stay over some nights in the second bedroom or the living room (higher social freedom) as the couple can share the same bed, not having to create a contract for his partner and pay lawyer/agency fees (less money on bureaucracy stuff) etc etc. This is coupled with the fact that domestic work is still a very gendered phenomenon (look at the social research on this) and it is fair to assume that an average household has the woman working more towards the chores.

So you see that being partners with the lodger/tenant does give a landlord certain privileges and it sounds a bit more exploitative when he has his cake and can eat it too.

Don't you see how this is different than the landlord living with a tenant whom he isn't romantically involved with?

I think the fair way to do this is split it 50/50 then it is totally fair. This will stop any resentment and feeling used or being taking the p*ss put of. Half is reasonable and you should discuss what extras you both agree on and want/need I.e, sky. If it was a friend the I think they could ask for what they want but the fact your together makes the difference 💯

Then you should still be paying the service charge on the flat.
You need to sit down and work out what the outgoings are for both of you

@YoBeaches

Her DP was managing financially before she moved in. They didn't get a new place together, yet somehow he thinks it's fine to profit from her.

But she was managing financially before she moved in to his too and continues to be managing financially by renting her place out for more than her mortgage costs (obviously) something she can do because she lives with him.

She literally says "I am better off than when I was living at my flat" so is profiting from the situation too. If you don't think 'it's fine' for him to profit from the new arrangement, does that mean she shouldn't think 'it's fine' to profit from it either? Or is it ok if she's better off, but not him?

You will be paying tax on the income from your resented out property. Plus the general up keep and possibly paying estate agents. And covering when property is free. If you add this extra cost to your payment to partner, are you not actually spending more per month than when you lived in your flat?

sounds like you have the responsibility of half (or more than) of the bills but none of the power

She has her own separate property which she lets out for a profit. She can do this because she moved in with him. They both profit from living together.

I meant in reverse as in if it was the women when owned the property not the man .

*mortgage not mortar!

I don't think the OP should have to pay any "rent" (or contribution to his mortar) at all - the payments are the same regardless of whether she lives there or not.

She also has no legal rights as she would in a rental situation ie he could boot her out at any time!

OP should be going halves on all household bills and I would also say contributing to any household maintenance that arises from general wear and tear eg say a boiler needed repair/replacement.

But she absolutely should NOT be contributing to paying off his mortgage the cheeky fucker!

@x2boys the problem in the reverse is that the man always already has full claim in the property and the women don't, often not on the deeds or the mortgage, nor married.

Her DP was managing financially before she moved in. They didn't get a new place together, yet somehow he thinks it's fine to profit from her.

But this isn't a flat share

I do the bills for my house and he pays £225 towards bills each month -all bills being around £460.
I do an annual check of bills and recalculate it going forward. But month to month I may switch around suppliers or take day sky cinema for a 6 month promo deal. I don't adjust him up/down every month!

He may pay say £25 too much but £25 "profit" for me is a a tiny amount in the scheme of things. (He pays no rent)

If he objected to that, he can try and find somewhere else for £225 per month!

(He also pays £200pm toward food bills /meals out which we both stick on joint card and I do a true up every 6 months as it is a boring chore to do, analysing all spending on joint cards)

Just split the bills down the middle as and when they come in rather than a flat rate per month.

Is it his recent changes to tariffs/services that’s promoted your questions?

Tbh I’m questioning why you’ve only recently found out that the bills total £800? Surely that was part of the conversation before you moved in and arrived at a figure that you would contribute.

have you spoken to him about why he’s reducing bills? Do you know by how much they’ve increased over the last year or so? Is he attempting to offset some costs against cheaper deals. For all you know (on the little information you’ve provided here - understandably so) he’s already contributing more to cover the cost of running an EV but the basic cost has increased enough that covering the bills, even with your contribution, requires some restructuring to keep it at the same level.

On the face of it, I don’t think you’re being treated unfairly here but unless you actually sit down, talk to him and arm yourself with the facts rather than speculation.

Im not sure that's right as surely any lodger or tenant would have a claim
?
Or is it just because the Op.is a,women you think.she should have a claim.on the property if the sex,s were reversed would the man have a claim in the property?

https://www.stephensons.co.uk/site/blog/consumer-law-blog/registering_your_interest_in_a_property#:~:text=The%20initial%20process%20is%20quite,have%20an%20interest%20in%20it.

Up to you in the end. I don't think you are being overcharged given the amounts.

If you're paying towards his mortgage then you have a claim on his property. So I'd put a claim to see how quickly he reduces your monthly amount. I would also dump him because I couldn't be with someone who uses me financially.

Ask him for discussion on finances. Tell him you make barely no profit on your house that is rented. Ask him what all household bills are. Then offer to pay half. Pay less electric unless he pays half of your petrol.

Could you link us to this thread?

Where it was unacceptable for him to benefit in any way from living with her?

Only? I've never seen a thread remotely like this on here. I'd love to read it.

I'd probably be questioning what type of man he is given he has taken your money knowing that it covers more than a proportionate 50% of the living costs.

I would not be certain this relationship should go much further with someone this dishonest.

Indeed and there was quite a long thread a,few days .urging women to.have a hidden running away fund just in case
If a man had a hidden account with a significant amount of money in it just in case it would be financial abuse .

I think you both need to sit down and work out what the total outgoings for bills is each month and work out from that what you should be paying.
If you end up including the mortgage on this then maybe your name should also be added.
Myself and my husband sit down every few months (especially in the current climate when bills are rising) and work out what we both should be paying into our joint account monthly to cover all our bills.
We work it out fairly (as my husband earns more) so we both have the same amount left for personal use once everything has been paid.

@x2boys I agree

See also (1) if man earns more, they should have joint finances (2) if woman earns more, finances should be separate