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AIBU?

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Original poster

To leave two 15year olds home alone overnight

114 replies

homealone5 · 08/08/2023 10:18

Name changed for this due to family being here, some tiny details changed too so it's not too outing.

I have 15-year-old twins who are very sensible and quite independent. They travel to school on their own (separately) in different boroughs, one comes home herself about 7pm after her after school activities, the other stays home alone until I get home from work, sometimes late. They have been very comfortable being home by themselves for years during the day and at nights when I get home about 11pm. I was a keyworker during lock down and they were home alone all day in 2020 (age 13).

I want to take on a couple of night shifts and they have been assuring me that it's okay to go away overnight. I work weekend mornings sometimes and often leave home at 6am before they wake, and I see them around 1130am when I return.

At what age would you think it will be okay to leave children alone overnight assuming there are no special needs and no risk taking behaviour? If you had 15 year old twins would you leave them home overnight if you are going to be an hour away? I remember babysitting other people's kids overnight when I was 15 😅

I know there have been posts about what age to leave children home alone. I am asking now about how you feel now in 2023 and what you think is okay.

AIBU to leave 15year olds at home from 5pm Saturday night to 11am Sunday morning?

OP posts:
RuthW · 08/08/2023 12:13

No, they need to be 16 in my opinion.

NevergonnagiveHughup · 08/08/2023 12:01

Having this discussion with my 15 yr old DS right now. We need to travel away in the near future and he would be alone at the house for 24 hours. He is the most sensible 15 yr old ever. He thinks I’m being totally ridiculous that I don’t want to leave him and is insisting he’s staying by himself and is not going to his grans.

Reading some of the replies on here suggests he’ll be put into care if anyone finds out 🙄

UrsulaBelle · 08/08/2023 11:55

I think the fact that there are two of them makes it even less of a problem. One alone might get scared. My youngest DS went away to uni when he’d just turned 18 and he seemed young for his age, too. He was fine. Leave it until they turn 16 if you have any doubts, but I don’t think they’ll magically be OK just for being a few months older.

rookiemere · 08/08/2023 11:48

When are they 16 ?
Personally we didn't until DS was 16, but to me it depends if they're just turned 15 or nearly 16.

Lkahsvtv · 08/08/2023 11:41

Are you saying you’ll be an hour away? Personally I think that’s too far for overnight.

jc12689 · 08/08/2023 11:33

Pinkballoon5 · 08/08/2023 10:41

I wouldn't leave mine in case of fire or burglary

You forgot about a zombie apocalypse or outbreak of the black death.

ActDottie · 08/08/2023 11:31

I think for the odd night 15 is fine. My parents left me for 3/4 nights alone when o was 16 and there was only one of me! I think given they’ll have eachother it’s fine :)

Ywudu · 08/08/2023 11:22

One 15 year old no, two that are sensible and happy to be left, yes they'll be fine.

TenoringBehind · 08/08/2023 11:18

If they’re sensible and fine with it, and it sounds like that’s the case then it’s fine .

I would leave my 15yo but wouldn’t leave my 17yo who would have a party and get up to all sorts!

fullbloom87 · 08/08/2023 11:13

By bad when I googled it the gov website initially on the simplified blurb says the law say not to leave them overnight under 16, but when I opened up the page, that's just the nspcc guidance.

floribunda18 · 08/08/2023 11:08

MereDintofPandiculation · 08/08/2023 10:38

Which law says that?

I thought part of the difficulty over this sort of question is that there is no age set down in law.

Show quote history

The law does not say that.

If they are fine with it then it's fine, OP. Full stop.

Callyem · 08/08/2023 11:05

I would do a trial run before committing to regular shifts but if they are happy with the arrangement and feel safe, and you feel safe then yes.

jolies1 · 08/08/2023 11:02

Make sure they have food, a couple of ways of contacting you and a couple of local emergency contacts (neighbour, friends mum.) Get a ring doorbell, firmly explain to them that the doorbell is being monitored and any hint of any mates appearing they won’t be left alone till they leave home. Arrange for grandma / auntie / neighbour to call them to check in if you can’t.

Temporaryanonymity · 08/08/2023 11:02

I did leave my sons (15 and 13) alone for 5 nights when I was hospitalised. They had plenty of food, got themselves to school , washed their uniforms etc and nothing bad happened. Obviously I had people they could call on to check in on them but no one close enough.

I would do it again although hopefully not because of hospitalisation next time.

I am sure some here would criticise me but what would have been the alternative? Burdening the care system with my sons when they are perfectly capable of looking after themselves?

helpfulperson · 08/08/2023 11:01

cansu · 08/08/2023 10:33

Let's look at it this way. The school leaves your 15 year old unsupervised on a trip overnight. Would that be a safeguarding risk? Yes of course it would. Why is it different? No your kids are not going to be taken into care but questions will be asked. If you are OK with that then go for it.

Schools regularly leave pupils on DofE trips alone overnight.

Is there someone close by who could help if needed, or can you leave your job at short notice.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 08/08/2023 11:01

*wouldn’t even

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 08/08/2023 11:00

Do people even believe the nonsense’s they actually post on here?

“safeguarding concern” and “the law”

Previous social worker for EDT children, this would even be on a radar , if no other migrating factors were raised.

There is no law on what age children can be left alone at however there is guidance.

I would OP, if you’ve put safety measures in place and have a detailed discussion with the teenagers on “what if scenarios” , then absolutely I would.

NeverAloneNeverAgain · 08/08/2023 11:00

There's no legal age. Just guidelines. It's your judgement to make. I wouldn't leave my 16yr old because I'd have no house left.

Have a chat with them. Ask them what they would do if there was a problem etc and make an assessment based on that. Put some ground rules in - we have a no one in no one out rule if we're going out for a meal or something and the children are home. If you are doing it is there a close friend or neighbour you could tell and ask if they would be happy your twins having their contact number so if there was an issue your twins could call them?

Housefullofcatsandkids · 08/08/2023 11:00

cansu · 08/08/2023 10:33

Let's look at it this way. The school leaves your 15 year old unsupervised on a trip overnight. Would that be a safeguarding risk? Yes of course it would. Why is it different? No your kids are not going to be taken into care but questions will be asked. If you are OK with that then go for it.

That's not the same thing at all. I would leave my 15 year old alone at home but not in the hotel if we were on holiday. Similarly I can leave my 6 year olds unattended in the living room while I am in another room but a teacher cannot leave them unattended in a classroom. Different people, different places, different rules.

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 08/08/2023 10:57

My parents used to go away Saturday to Sunday when me and my sister were 15/16 onwards. We had a lot of parties and there was a lot of alcohol.

Sorry but no way would I leave mine at that age.

Nap1983 · 08/08/2023 10:57

I have a nearly 15 DD. I don’t leave her overnight yet. On the odd occasion I’m nightshift and DH away with work she goes to grans or gran stays. If she had an equally sensible twin I’d leave them overnight. My DM lives literally a 2 minute walk away.

adriftabroad · 08/08/2023 10:57

I would... just about!

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 08/08/2023 10:55

People who are saying the law says you cannot are wrong. I expect you know that. That said the guidance is that children under 16 should not be left.

I assume given the work you do that they cannot contact you if they become concerned? Is there a trusted friend or family member or neighbour nearby who they can call if they become concerned during the night? If there is then in the context of what you say I think it would be fine. Assuming they get on. If there is not someone reliable they can contact and/or they do not get on then I would not.

I would not leave one child on their own at that age. My DDs are now 22 and 19. I would not have left either of them as at 15 DD1 was very unwell and DD2 was a nervous girl who would have been uncomfortable. However DS is 12 and I can envisage a situation where I might leave him and a friend together at 15 (perhaps if closer to 16 rather than just 15, though intellectually I’m not sure why I think this is important!)

AndTheSurveySays · 08/08/2023 10:54

Of course you can leave a 15 year old overnight. The NSPCC guidelines are batshit.

TheHomeEdit · 08/08/2023 10:53

I wouldn’t do it on a Saturday night - maybe midweek. I would worry about others hearing they are the ones with no parents and being pressured to be the hang out house and then they end up with people they don’t know turning up
to party.
I’ve known of a couple of people who’s normally sensible children ended up with uncontrollable parties and gate crashers when all they had done was ask a couple of friends over while parents away. Trashed houses and police involved. Not great.