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Original poster

To leave two 15year olds home alone overnight

114 replies

homealone5 · 08/08/2023 10:18

Name changed for this due to family being here, some tiny details changed too so it's not too outing.

I have 15-year-old twins who are very sensible and quite independent. They travel to school on their own (separately) in different boroughs, one comes home herself about 7pm after her after school activities, the other stays home alone until I get home from work, sometimes late. They have been very comfortable being home by themselves for years during the day and at nights when I get home about 11pm. I was a keyworker during lock down and they were home alone all day in 2020 (age 13).

I want to take on a couple of night shifts and they have been assuring me that it's okay to go away overnight. I work weekend mornings sometimes and often leave home at 6am before they wake, and I see them around 1130am when I return.

At what age would you think it will be okay to leave children alone overnight assuming there are no special needs and no risk taking behaviour? If you had 15 year old twins would you leave them home overnight if you are going to be an hour away? I remember babysitting other people's kids overnight when I was 15 😅

I know there have been posts about what age to leave children home alone. I am asking now about how you feel now in 2023 and what you think is okay.

AIBU to leave 15year olds at home from 5pm Saturday night to 11am Sunday morning?

OP posts:
cansu · 08/08/2023 16:07

Nolamesallowed how is it pathetic to report a concern? As many have said it would probably go no further than a conversation with the parent.

rookiemere · 08/08/2023 15:57

The likelihood of something happening is small and if they are sensible DCs there is nothing magical that happens age 16. However I still wouldn't feel comfortable leaving a pair of just turned 15 year olds alone overnight on a regular basis, mainly because if something did happen when all is said and done, they are minors.

Sorry because I know you want to do it for a very valid reason.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 08/08/2023 15:53

Having read your update and knowing that there is not any back up during the night when you are away and knowing they are only just 15, I’d probably wait till after GCSEs. Not saying you would be wrong to do it now. But since you are asking, no, I would not do it just yet.

TregunaMekoides · 08/08/2023 15:26

Depends on the kids.
My eldest at 15? Absolutely.
My youngest? Not on your nelly!

If you think they are responsible enough - and let's face it, you know best - then do it.

The only thing I'd suggest is can you take a trial night shift and see how it goes before committing to any more? As the idea of being alone at night and the reality can be quite different and the kids may realise they are not as comfortable as they thought they would be.

FlibbedyFlobbedyFloo · 08/08/2023 15:15

I'd say if you lay down clear ground rules and you believe they can be trusted, then you should be fine.

Get a Ring doorbell to monitor access and make it clear they are not allowed visitors

stayathomer · 08/08/2023 14:57

I think you know by your gut op, sounds like they’ll be fine!

x2boys · 08/08/2023 14:47

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 08/08/2023 14:11

Can you do it on a night other than a Saturday? Ideally midweek.

For me, the concern is that if their peers find out that they have a free house every Saturday night, then they will end up with a level of pressure to host things they may not be comfortable with- parties, drinking, boyfriends wanting to come over etc. I do think having it as a weekend night specifically leaves them vulnerable.

As a teacher, I would probably also pass it on as a safeguarding concern, as much as anything to cover my own back if something did happen. I wouldn't expect any action to be taken (beyond a quiet chat to check they were comfortable with it)- but it could be relevant information later on, e.g. if one of them entered a relationship with an older partner, etc.

What would entering into.a relationship with an older partner have anything to.do.with be left alone for one night?

W0tnow · 08/08/2023 14:39

I have 15 year old twins. Yes. Absolutely.

alexdgr8 · 08/08/2023 14:38

not everybody lives like that, or would want to, having wild parties, or going against parent's wishes when their back's turned.
these sound like responsible reasonable youngsters who are an asset to the household and pull together to keep the show on the road.

usernother · 08/08/2023 14:35

Having worked with teenagers my biggest worry would be them having a couple of friends around to the 'empty'. Which turns into a couple of more then gets out of control. If friends know parents are away, the peer pressure to have a small party can be overwhelming.

Original poster
homealone5 · 08/08/2023 14:31

With regards to their school, they are well known as very responsible girls. One is always called upon to mentor and when something goes wrong in school (party gone wrong at the weekend or alcohol drinking at the park issue), the teachers and safeguarding leads somehow know they aren't involved. They've asked my permission twice for my girls to support other children when things have gone wrong. I'm also known as a sensible mom. I hope all this doesn't seem too stealth boasty, I must confess I'm very proud of them 😁 very different from me at that age! So I'm hoping they wouldn't think there was anything untoward if my girls were home alone every now and then.

I understand that it would be okay at 16. I'm just thinking I may be able to do some more work and earn a little more, being a lone parent and all. I could start the shift later, maybe about 7pm... Just thinking of the options. They probably won't notice my absence though. Their lives are very full of their friends!

OP posts:
alexdgr8 · 08/08/2023 14:30

sounds ok to me.
do a few and debrief.
see if any issues arise, have a plan for eventualities.
do drills for safety issues. check equipment, smoke and carbon monoxide alarms.
procedure with keys.
do you have a front door that has to be opened with a key from the inside to get out ?
if so, always to keep key in the lock.
give them the project of writing a safety report, to identify any risks, and steps to be taken.

Original poster
homealone5 · 08/08/2023 14:20

Thank you for all your replies.
Mine have just turned 15 but they are very sensible. I know their friends and their friends parents and they are very very unlikely to have any one round never mind any kind of parties. It's a whole ceremony to invite friends round where I encourage them to but they aren't bothered enough to entertain! They are very sociable but their friends moms would be on the group chat if there was anything fishy going on. They still always check with me before ordering anything home in the day like a takeaway.

With regards to alcohol, these ones don't drink and are unlikely to want to anytime soon. On holiday some weeks ago, I tried to get them to have a tiny sip of wine and they still thought it was disgusting. We aren't really alcohol drinkers in our home, they are more likely to drink up all the cola and have jelly sweets and chocolate for dinner - that's the case with us all to be honest. Their friends are similar.

One of them did say that at 16, they'd be allowed to live in a flat themselves and they can't believe that I won't trust them with an overnight stay.

To clarify, one hour away meant the to and fro drive. 25mins to go, 25 mins to return, if there was an emergency.

Unfortunately, we don't have family around. I'll be more worried with neighbors knowing they are home alone to be honest. They don't get up to much when they are home. They will be on their phones with their friends, social media and Netflix for most of it. (And playing the guitar and doing arts and crafts I'm almost ashamed to say here 🙈😂)

OP posts:
Mojoj · 08/08/2023 14:15

Yes, yes, yes!! Sick of reading posts on MN about how young people cannot be trusted to look after themselves at this age. It's beyond ridiculous. They're your kids. You do what you see fit.

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 08/08/2023 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

So, to clarify, what legal powers do you think schools have to remove children or adults from abusive homes?

School pass information on to SS or the police, and they are the ones who can actually take action.

It's still relevant information for a DSL to know that a 15yo is in a house without an adult on a regular night of the week, because it does leave them more vulnerable in certain scenarios.

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 08/08/2023 14:11

Can you do it on a night other than a Saturday? Ideally midweek.

For me, the concern is that if their peers find out that they have a free house every Saturday night, then they will end up with a level of pressure to host things they may not be comfortable with- parties, drinking, boyfriends wanting to come over etc. I do think having it as a weekend night specifically leaves them vulnerable.

As a teacher, I would probably also pass it on as a safeguarding concern, as much as anything to cover my own back if something did happen. I wouldn't expect any action to be taken (beyond a quiet chat to check they were comfortable with it)- but it could be relevant information later on, e.g. if one of them entered a relationship with an older partner, etc.

nolamesallowed · 08/08/2023 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CatsOnTheChair · 08/08/2023 14:00

I think I'd be more comfortable with seeing them after school before going to work - and maybe not a Friday or Saturday night (party nights!).
But logistically, I can't really see why having g had a 1 min conversation with them after school would actually make any difference!

OriginalUsername2 · 08/08/2023 13:50

I think it’s fine, they’re pretty self-sufficient kids by the sounds of it. I would just make sure there’s other adults to step in just in case something happens to you or them and you can’t get home.

Bumply · 08/08/2023 13:41

Admittedly a one off rather than regular, but I left ds2 home alone for couple of nights when he was a few months off 16.

He had neighbours in the stairwell that he could contact, and his Dad was an hour away.

He wasn't the sort to have a party or burn the flat down heating up his pizza (he sent me a photo of the cooker knobs to check he had them in the right settings).

The only trauma he experienced was his gerbils getting loose, and I was texting him suggestions on how to capture them which he did within a couple of hours.

If something did happen while you were away then I believe you could be held liable, but there's no law you'd be explicitly breaking.

randomuser2021 · 08/08/2023 13:17

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 08/08/2023 12:25

I left my 15 year old overnight when I went to London to do "the queue". He was fine. He was asleep when I left, woke around 3am and was messaging me, had some cereal and went back to bed. Then he made me a bacon sandwich which was ready when I got home.

I'm not sure if I would have left him regularly at that age though.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 08/08/2023 12:24

I left dd for a few days when she was a few weeks short of 16, after her GCSEs. I knew she would be sensible but was slightly worried about whether she would get up early enough to let the chickens out.
I came home to find she had got a job at a hotel and had been doing breakfast shifts all week!

With 15 I would do it if everything was pointing in that direction: sensible child, used to being alone, neighbour back up, you not too far away.
While 16 is not an absolute rule I would think of it as a rough guideline so with under 16 I would be thinking ‘how could I justify my decision to social services if anything happened?’

x2boys · 08/08/2023 12:16

Why does being 16 make a difference?
Do they suddenly magically mature on their 16 th birthday?

x2boys · 08/08/2023 12:13

At 15 they will.i. assume be going into.year 11 my 16 year old has just finished school.I would have left him.at15 as he very sensible andwould just stay in his room, gaming with his friends ,he fixes his own snacks and has recently been diagnosed with Diabetes,so.is very conscious of needing d regular meals
I guess it depends on the 15 year old.