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Original poster

Mixing classes every year - potential for long term harm?

85 replies

lonechild · 07/08/2023 14:27

Having just read another thread about classes being mixed up in junior school and not being placed with friends, it's been a massive trigger for me that I want some perspective on.

This was me, virtually every year throughout infant and junior school and now I have issues with social anxiety, fear of rejection and keeping/making friends. AIBU to think the school was unreasonable to do this and it could be the cause of long term socialisation issues?

Sorry this is long, but to summarise my school journey:

Reception year - Made a best friend almost instantly and we were inseparable all year. Spent a lot of time together both in and out of school.

Year 1 - split up from from best friend in class mix up. Made no new friends that I can remember at all. In fact I couldn't tell you a single classmate from that year. Don't recall any play dates etc from school.

Year 2 - was put back into a class with original best friend, however she had made new friends in y1 who were also in the same class. Remember play dates etc as a group but always felt like an outsider and certainly wasn't "best" friend any more. Made a couple of other friends I remember playing with from my class but not strong ones.

Year 3 - split from all friends again. Like year 1, I couldn't name a single person in this class. Dont remember being invited to others houses or having friends over from the class. Previous best friend stayed with other group and although I continued to play at break times and went to parties/play dates with them, very much felt like an outsider.

Year 4 - new class again. Drifted from the other group but made one friend who I was quite close to. Probably described ourselves as best friends. Spent a lot of time at her house and her at mine. I remember calling each other at night (I still remember her number!) so feel like this was a genuine friendship but - and this is potentially outing hence the name change - she was also given an award, by my teacher, in assembly, in front of the whole school, for “being my friend that week”. I can’t recall with clarity but I guess that was at the start of our friendship. That’s definitely stuck with me as one of the most mortifying moments of my life.

And, you guessed it….

Year 5 - split from friend and she went on to make new ones so the friendship ended. I recall having several friends this year - not necessarily a group of friends but different friends I was close to and spent time at each others houses etc. Remember being quite happy this year and not so much of an outsider.

Year 6 - not put in a class with any of those I was friends with the previous year. Was in the same class as the friendship group with my reception best friend (who had all stayed together throughout junior school). I became good friends with them again.

Secondary - we all went to the same school but there was a max number that could be in the same class from each junior school and I got the short straw so was put into a different class. They stay best friends to this day (with some others from their class). I made good friends throughout my time there but don’t stay in touch with anyone from secondary (or college/uni/old workplaces for that matter) and have always felt like an outsider anywhere I go.

My kids are at a village school with one class so I didn't really think this was still a thing until reading the other thread. Would a school do this nowadays and if so, would you stand for it for your child? I know my parents did fight this on a several occasions but there was always a "reason" why it couldn't happen.

AIBU to think that this could set a child up for long term issues, and this has potentially been the case for me?

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 07/08/2023 14:42

It impacts children differently. My two girls had this at their first primary school.

DD1 thrived - she loves new people. She made friends easily each year and is still friends with people from primary and secondary school now she’s at Uni.

DD2 hated it. She is very much someone who has a best friend. She likes small groups and is quite intense with friendships. She struggled at the start of each year. I do think however, it would have benefitted the friend she made to be encouraged to make new friends the following year as DD was quite intense (she’s a lot better now, but still prefers small groups).

edwinbear · 07/08/2023 14:42

DD is starting Y7 in September and DS going into Y10, they both went to the same Junior school (all through school from 3-18) and classes were mixed up every year, it hasn't caused any issues at all. I'm actually all for it, both of them have good friends across the whole year now. Friendships, especially for DD, do seem to come and go but they can both always find someone they like to play/talk to at lunch/break.

TheGoogleMum · 07/08/2023 14:40

I'm surprised schools do this, I went to a 2 form entry primary and I don't remember anyone swapping class. I was a shy kid I would have really struggled if I had to make new friends every year I think. My best friend from primary and I went on to secondary together but did eventually drift apart and now we have each other on Facebook but that's about it

MollysBrolly · 07/08/2023 14:39

If classes stay the same throughout primary school how will the children learn to adapt to new peers?

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 07/08/2023 14:39

My daughters school mix them up every single year. They are asked for a list of 3 names who they would like to stay with but it's not guaranteed. It hasn't caused any issues so far for anyone I know.

Kic · 07/08/2023 14:38

The thing is, you're only seeing the situation from your own perspective. The teacher will have been looking at the class as a whole.

So for example, you were "inseparable" from your friend in Reception. At that age that's not always healthy. When she moved into a different class in Year 1 she went on to make several new friends. Separating you both allowed your friend to explore other friendships. That's a very positive thing.

The examples you give show a pattern of you becoming very attached to one person when you were younger. It's awful though that someone thought it appropriate to give a child an award for being your friend. That should never have happened.

At my school (and I imagine most others are similar), a great deal of thought goes into deciding who should be in which class. Class lists were still being swapped around right up until the deadline, making sure each class had a balance of ability and that children who weren't a good mix weren't together.

Geneticsbunny · 07/08/2023 14:37

I did split classes at school and it wasn't an issue at all. We all played together at play time so it didn't matter who was in what class. I think you are proportioning too much blame for your current struggles on what would usually only be a minor part of someone's childhood. I agree that for you it could have contributed to how you cope with things now but I suspect there was also lots of other stuff going on too?

Batmanandrabbit · 07/08/2023 14:36

I’m really sorry to hear that. It’s so sad.

This happened to my daughter; she was so unhappy throughout primary and junior school. She does also have insecurities around being ‘worthy’ of her friends now.

She has an amazing group of friends now from high school but is off to college soon (no 6th form available). I hope she can continue to see her high school friends over the next couple of years and that she settle well at college.

I wish they wouldn’t move kids around so much. My daughter on the outside appeared confident and capable, so was the one they always moved. She has had to have counselling as a result.

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 07/08/2023 14:34

My DS is about to start school. 2-class entry of 45 reception kids, and then years 1-2 have 3 classes of 30, then same again for years 3-4 and 5-6. Every school in my town is the same (there are 9).

I don't love it but I guess DS will be with different kids each year - however he can mix with who he wants in the playground.

What I did object to was being moved into year 3 instead of 2 due to being a September birthday and that class needing another child, being with that group for 3 years, then having to do year 6 again while they all went to secondary!

Didimum · 07/08/2023 14:33

My children are at a small school with only one form entry per year and I actually worry about the opposite. I don't particularly want them getting very very strongly attached to the others in their class for 7 whole years when they when will be entering a secondary school without them. I would much rather than continually mix with new children.

I'm sure it happens sometimes, but I don't know anyone still friends with their friends at primary school. The most solid of friendships I know were made at secondary school, college and university.