Keeps walking ahead & leaving me behind

he insists on getting everywhere ultra fast to the point he will barge his way through people

It was noticeable this last week away that my teen DD and me got walked into and walked in front of much more than DS or DH which does slow us down - often had to get in slip stream of them to get through crowds but DH and Ds aren't barging though people.

Barging though does suggest a bit of an attitude towards everyone including the OP though even normal walking off is upsetting if you are the one struggling behind feeling everyone is impatient with you and feeling under pressure to stop holding everyone up.

One of these days, OP, your husband will plough ahead, barge somebody over and receive a well-deserved smack for it. I hope you will be there to witness it.

I don't see anything amiss with afishcalledbreanda's post? It's not transaction, it sounds mutually respectful and caring to me. Perhaps you've misread it?

Why would you go on holiday with others if not to spend time with them? Is it just to avoid a single supplement? Surely that would be a small price to pay if that were the case?

Exactly. I prefer walking fast. But I can walk slower and often do. And if someone I cared for asked me to slow down, I definitely would. It's about caring for others.

he insists on getting everywhere ultra fast to the point he will barge his way through people

So if the kids copy his behaviour and have started barging people out of the way, does that somehow make him right on that front too?

Hes an arrogant prick, barging people because he thinks he’s so important.

I'm a naturally fast walker. I've never found it an effort at all to slow down when required.

Either there's something quite wrong with those who can't, or its just an excuse for your impatience with others.

How caring and loving you sound. Your idea of companionship is very transactional.

Most people don't think like this.

My Grandfather was very tall - and my Granny very short. He always walked fast when he wasn't with her; I remember struggling to keep up with him even though there was 60 years between us! Granny on the other hand was a really slow walker, almost frustratingly so.
But when Grandad was out with my Granny, he walked really slowly too. I remember him saying that he lets Granny 'set the pace', and deliberately stayed a little bit behind her to make sure she didn't feel rushed. He never paced ahead of her, or told her to hurry up.
They traveled all over Europe together during their 65 years of marriage, with their children and with us grandkids too. The worst thing any of us could do in his eyes was disrespect/back chat her and he talked about her like she was a Goddess to the very last. Miss them both ❤️

Op doesn't sound like a dawdler, it's rude to march off and leave others behind because you can't control your lack of patience.

He and the kids could've waited for op to catch up at the entrance or a couple of minutes before seeing the sight allowing them all to experience it together but selfishly he didn't.

The issue isn't ops pace it's her rude and thoughtless dh. No one enjoys being frog marched from A to B.

It matters to the op, even if you don't agree with this.

Imo your partner or spouses feelings should matter to you. If my dh thought something was important, I wouldn't disregard this in favour of something I could easily change with no impact to myself

I'd bide my time. Next holiday, park far away. Let them all get out and let them walk to the destination. You then park much closer and get see the thing before they do. Next book a lunch/ dinner for quarter past the hour. Tell them the tables booked for half past. Tuck in

Good for you!
The road runners on this thread spectacularly miss the point - accommodating a slower walker is about respect and making sure nobody is left behind.

I often have this with my husband. He's about 10 inches taller than me so, although I think I walk at a good pace, he often marches off ahead of me.

I make him hold my hand when we're walking then he has to walk at my pace. It's a bit of a joke between us now 😂

The thing is it doesn't though.

I can walk normal speed for very short bursts but have to stop and rest every 10 meters or so.

I often find in any group walk where you are talking we all walk VERY slow, to the point I dont need to stop because theres been no exertion. The slow walking is actually an ABSENCE of thought because you are focused on the convocation not walking.

Its like when children go through early developement they split into 2 categories = walkers and talkers. Walkers have better fine motor skill, Talkers have better communication skills. Even as an adult when you focus on one the other slows down, thats why most people struggle to talk while doing fiddly fine motor tasks and people slow their walking whilst talking.

Powering off ahead is literally the same as willfully ignoring someone.

Sounds deliberate and passive aggressive to me. Is he nursing some resentment he hasn't got the courage to voice?

Someone upthread mentioned ADHD and as I get older I definitely think I have it. When I walk it’s like a physical need for movement, the messages my brain gets when I walk calm and ground it. When I’m walking to somewhere I’m focussed on that and not particularly on what’s going on around me.

I can walk slower but it’s not natural and would be a constant and very tiring effort.

DH and I joke that I need reins so he can pull me back if I’m too far ahead. For me, it doesn’t feel fast, it feels comfortable and enjoyable so I don’t even know I’m doing it. I get frustrated with him in the same way that he does with me.

My DH often does this but my sons always wait for me and he’s the one who ends up on his own walking ahead of everyone. He’s gradually doing it less as we all refuse to walk at warp speed everywhere. I’ve long known my DH has narcissistic tendencies but fortunately he has other redeeming features and none of us enable his most offensive traits so he just ends up looking petty.

My husband walks faster than I do. But he's ok when I point or it's annoying and has become an ongoing joke that I will hold his hand to get him to match my pace.

The difference here seems to be his complete disregard of your feelings. If I shouted my DH to wait for me, he works stop and wait and raise what he had done. Not just ignore me and plough on regardless to experience something by himself that we had planned to experience together. That's shitty, selfish behaviour and would make me find someone very unattractive!

Does he ignore your feelings in other situations too?

Yes, loads of people here are missing that. He isn't just a fast walker. He's one of those men who race ahead and barge people out if the way, she said that in the very first post.

That is abnormal and extremely rude behaviour. These are the people who want to stride ahead in a straight line, oblivious of other people, sweeping aside the human beings they see as no more than obstacles.

Regarding this as an issue of one person wanting to walk faster than another is completely missing the point. People are calling OP slow or a dawdler, and she's said she is actually a fast walker.

I mentioned an article about walking ahead being a narcissistic behaviour. I just did a search and there are a lot of articles and videos about this.

Then you clearly don’t get it. If someone is naturally a fast walker, walking more slowly takes constant mental and physical effort. It feels uncomfortable, like an itch that you can’t scratch or a craving for a cigarette.

Surely walking speed is on a sliding scale? Why should it be any harder for a very fast walker to slow down to a medium speed than for a medium-paced walker to slow down to a slow speed? Most people aside from long-legged sporty men would consider me a fast walker, but I'm perfectly capable of slowing down.

That was the point I was trying to make.

I think there's an awful lot more going on in your post than most PPs seem to have realised.

This isn't just about your husband walking too fast, is it? It's pretty obvious that the reason it upset you so much is because you feel it's part of a wider pattern of controlling/bullying behaviour on his part. You even say in your post that he can be controlling in other ways. Rather than focusing on the fast walking, you need to look at the wider dynamic between you and consider the bigger picture.

If you'd just said 'My husband walks faster than me and as a result, I didn't get to experience the site of a famous landmark at the exact time as my teenage children and so I cried' then quite honestly I'd tell you to get a grip. But the other details in your post suggest there is a lot, lot more going on than that. I think what you're actually upset about is that you feel bullied by your husband in general and that he's encouraging your kids to gang up on you and you're starting to see that the relationship isn't healthy.

Then you clearly don’t get it. If someone is naturally a fast walker, walking more slowly takes constant mental and physical effort. It feels uncomfortable, like an itch that you can’t scratch or a craving for a cigarette.