Keeps walking ahead & leaving me behind

I share this sentiment. But I’ve always had a worry about public jurys :). None of us is as unbiased as we think.

This exactly! I’m struggling to see why others can’t understand this.

I honestly don’t get what you don’t understand. OP asked her DP to wait as she wanted to see something with them all, not afterwards. It doesn’t matter if you/me or they don’t think that is important. It would have been nice for them to have waited for her.

You're so right. It's depressing how they have to keep twisting the narrative, inventing things and prioritising how they would feel in the same circumstance. I am not sure if it's just contrariness or solipsism.

OP I get it, I have this with my DH too and it drives me mad. I'd have to jog to keep up with his walking pace yet he claims it hurts to slow down.

Consequence is I try to avoid walking anywhere with him because it's not an enjoyable experience.

I am astonished that so few people on here get that keeping up with a man's stride can result in running , we're not talking about dawdling at all.

He's sounds like a disrespectful arsehole

Off topic but threads like these make me worry about the general public being part of our judicial system. Op laid out the facts yet so many others just made it about something different. Imagine a MN jury. Awful.

This particular day it wasnt a regular walk or needing to dash somewhere in a hurry. We werent just walking to the store or back to our car. This was something wed all looked forward to for months as a joint activity. He turned and saw me just before they reached the viewpoint, because i called out hey wait for me. And he turned back and ploughed on. Its the lack of consideration that has really offended me - the walking is just how its manifested.

This is just heart-breaking. He's an absolute arsehole, and I'd go nuclear on him. No way he should be allowed to sidestep this or belittle you for feeling this way.

Sometimes , when my children come to me with a complaint , before I let them tell me there said or what happened, I ask them to first tell me what there brother and or sister is going to say about the incident.

Often in telling it from the other person's perspective they often realize that the situation is not as black and white as the initially perceived.

In this scenario for instance, would the children all agree that there was some articulated agreement that they would all arrive on the spot at the exact same moment and should the site be visible sooner to one party rather than they others that party would close his or her eyes and not open them until such time as the others could Bob see it? Would they say that dad ruined the experience by not following the articulated plan? Would they all agree that there was a stipulated plan about the !moment of viewing?

Is it possible that the husband might have feelings just as intense and meaningful to him about this experience as the OP's are to her? Could he even feel that he made some possible contribution to his family having this experience - perhaps not calling the travel agent or airlines or hotel but maybe it was financial or making arrangements for pet sitters,etc.

This is the kind of issue that is probably best solved with counseling where both sides are forced to listen to the other's perspective. The situation then becomes a tale with more than one side.

It is unfortunate that the OP did not enjoy her trip. It seems as though she and her family talk but they do not communicate.

Op’s last post says she asked her husband to wait for her, he turned around (I.e. heard and understood the request, I presume) and went on regardless. So he knew what she wanted and he disregarded it.

Why is a minority of posters going to such great lengths to paint the op as unreasonable, mawkish and not taking into account others’ preferences? Why is hers the only point of view or preference that isn’t worthy of consideration?

It’s not strange to me that she’s ‘fixating’ on this. It sounds like she’s constantly trailing on her own when they’re out as a family, that her wishes are dismissed and this episode has crystallised her feelings about it. All very understandable to me.

This was something we'd all looked forward to for months as a joint activity.

Can you try looking at it from someone else's point of view? You as a family were doing a joint activity. You all got to see whatever it was and presumably were impressed by whatever it was.

Several posters, (including RampantIvy who I always find very sensible and reasonable) have said it simply wouldn't have occurred to them that it was important that the family saw whatever it was at the exact same time. It would make no difference if there were a few minutes between them. If it was that important to you why not say so before you set off?

There may well be other issues with your husband's behaviour but fixating on this ruined special family moment seems irrational.

Your comparison still makes no sense. The OP and her family all went to see whatever it was they went to see. It wasn't the case anyone in her family refused to go or prevented the OP going.

The OP's complaint is that the other members of her family were unaware OP wanted the first sight of whatever it was to be a "special family moment" where they would all see it together and she could see the looks on her children's faces. If that was so important to her perhaps she should have told them in advance as clearly her family didn't get that aspect- nor do several posters on here.

It isn’t an analogy it is a statement that different people like different things. You may not like dining out but your family does so you do it occasionally for them. The rest of them may not care to see things together but she does. I don’t see why it is so hard to do something she likes that she admits is a once on a lifetime thing for her. Just because the others don’t see it as important doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it for OP. I thought relationships were give and take. We all have our little foibles and this is such an easy one to indulge.

Hes done this walk ahead stuff many times before - after repeatedly saying how it made me feel and he kept on doing it, i stopped asking him to walk alongside me day to day like a begging child because it became tedious to keep asking and to keep on being ignored. He is well aware of how it makes me feel.
Yes, I find myself rolling my eyes at the innocence of the posters who think that all would be well if you just pointed his behaviour out to him.

My husband walks slowly and it's annoying.

Yeah my ex did this and I’m a fast walker myself. I gradually came to realise (from a range of other things not the walking, which was just one symptom) he was emotionally and verbally abusive. I divorced him and it was like I was chopping him in half- as it turned out he was weirdly dependent on me being his foul mood conduit. But treated me like shit whilst with him. It’s part of a well known menu of behaviours. I’m not going to say ltb bc that’s up to you. But I did and boy am I happy and free after the years of bullshit. My dc were sadly damaged by his behaviour and I wish I’d left much earlier to have avoided that. My greatest regret.

I've had a few (ex) friends who did this. I would say looking back, that they all had underlying mental health problems.

Break his kneecaps and then walk ahead of him? Seriously I think this is so rude. Stop doing things for them - no organising nice things etc until both he and your kids consider you

Why is the person walking faster presumed not to be walking at what is a normal pace for them? Why isn't the assumption not that the person walking slower not demonstrating the same control issues that are attributed to the faster walker?

When we traveled with elderly parents or a mobility impaired family member, we often took tour buses to a!low every to see the sights , but not to be made uncomfortable in doing so. We would often then go a second day without the elderly parents to some sights to allow others to experience the sights in a more mobile manner.

It is reasonable to ask both the faster and the slower walker to attempt to modify their pace. That is a reasonable compromise. Neither the faster nor the slower walker is entitled to set the pace for the entire group. Accommodations should be made for the elderly and the mobility impaired; beyond that everyone else regardless of their pace preference should be willing to compromise. It should not be assumed that it is any easier for the fast-paced walker to charge than for a slower paced walker , and neither should feel entitled to an automatic accommodation.

Love the naked sense of superiority and self-importance of these ultra-fast walkers. While the rest of us are ‘pissing about’, ‘dawdling’ and ‘pootling’, they are majestically ‘cracking on with their day’.

You have to wonder what it is that is so important about rushing on to the next thing constantly. It certainly doesn’t seem to build empathy.

I’ve been on both sides. My DP walks fast and in the past I used to find myself lagging further and further behind and having to trot like a bloody pony every so often to catch up. That’s the reality of just walking a little faster, which seems to mystify don’t posters. I won’t do it now as it’s unpleasant undignified and I remind him when he starts storming off.

As a 20-something I was the one leaving my mum for dust as we tramped around a foreign city. I was there primarily to see somewhere new; she explained after a particularly hectic day of walking that actually it was spending time with me that she wanted and she’d like it if we could take it a bit easier and just enjoy being together. I felt chastened. Presumably the correct reaction for some posters would have been to sneer at her wanting to make ‘Disney moments’ and to tell her she was selfish and entitled for wanting to slow me down.