Keeps walking ahead & leaving me behind

This is really unpleasant behaviour and symptomatic of a serious lack of respect in my experience.

I'm very short, 4ft10, so naturally I'm not the speediest, I just don't have the stride length. My ex is not exactly tall at 5ft6 but used to regularly march ahead of me, including on what were supposed to be lovely family days out with ds. Would often rush ahead of me when we were walking with ds in the pram when he was baby. I would have to constantly ask him to slow down a bit, or half jog to keep up with him and end up red faced and sweaty while he was cool as a breeze walking at his own pace.

My best friend has previously broken both ankles and sometimes if we've been walking for a while she needs to slow down a bit due to pain. I have never and will never race ahead of her when this happens, because it's phenomenally rude, and we're not exactly walking together if she's ten paces behind me.

My current bf is 6ft2 and naturally walks much faster than I do. We recently took ds for a day out to a museum and by the end of the day I had a bit of a sciatica flare up and was walking quite slowly. Bf slowed down, and very politely explained to ds that he should too because it's not nice to leave people behind and they should be mindful that sometimes not everyone can walk as fast as them. They both waited for me and let me set the pace.

The difference is my bf respects me and I respect my friend, and we all know that charging ahead and leaving behind the person you are supposed to be with is hurtful and rude. We don't have to be reminded to have some consideration for those we are with.

Interesting how many of these men are ex's,

I've been astounded reading this thread at how the OP has been belittled and sneered at. She organised a trip to one of the world's wonders with her family and wanted to experience it with her family.

You have my every sympathy OP as my ex was similar, in fact I can probably complete the bingo card.

Walked ahead of me including on a very special holiday to the extent that I commented to a friend all I had seen was his back all week.

Rushed around in supermarkets so that I'd have to spend ages looking for him.

Went rushing off holding our newborn when I had had a c section.

Would continuously ask "are you ready? Are you ready? " Whilst doing nothing to prepare except get his own stuff ready.

Sit in the car outside whilst I finished getting myself, DD, food ready.

Would drive off as soon as I got in the car without waiting for me to even close the car door.

Would do the "next thing, next thing" exactly as described by PP. Could never live in the moment.

Would simply say "it doesn't matter" to things that clearly mattered to me like when he accidentally smashed a wedding gift from a friend.

In restaurants the second I put the last forkful of food in my mouth he would be up and ordering the bill.

Totally get this. My H does the same and I have never felt that we are walking together. These days I just leave him to it - if he has marched way ahead he will loose me. Then has to retrace his steps back or wait or call. But I CBA pandering to it any more. Appreciate that won't have worked for you OP as you were headed to a particular destination. But just wanted to send solidarity because it is rubbish.

I sympathise DH and the DS are all considerably taller than me so I have to remind them to slow down. The difference is that they do slow down even if they tease me for being slow or short (I’m average height but they range from just under 6’ to 6’3)

It’s not about being a fast or slow walker, it’s about walking as a family. If we are visiting somewhere together then I expect them to match my pace. If we were hurrying back because the parking ticket on the car was about to expire I’d tell them to go ahead.

The OP had asked them to wait for her so they could walk as a family in a situation where there was no particular reason to hurry (the Grand Canyon, Acropolis, Pyramids of Giza aren’t going anywhere) and her DH totally disregarded her feelings.

I can relate to this and I feel for you OP. My soon to be ex has behaved like this through our entire relationship, charging off ahead oftentimes leaving me unclear where to meet him. IME it's a symptom of a much bigger problem.

Depending on the age and maturity of your kids I would actually say to them you are disappointed they didn't wait for you when you called out.

I know full well how this feels OP, sorry to say, you may find other inconsiderate behaviours creeping in.

Sorry!

I thought you meant something else! No I've no idea where she was!

I have reread all of the OP's posts and all they say that it is one of the wonders of the world. I can't see where it says where she actually was.

Having been on a jury, I'd say MN is accurately providing insight into how at least one of them functioned. I would be astounded if it was an isolated instance.

Where in the world the landmark was.
Well it wasn’t up a mountain.

No, she's posted several times on this thread including just 5 posts above yours!

Is anyone wondering where the OP went?

I don’t think there’s much you can do about your husband.

You need to teach your boys @Gotthetshirt1 that ladies have social superiority. This means if their female companion says wait they must wait. It’s easier for men to be selfish. They can barge through the crowds throwing children behind them, but it makes the world a better place if they don’t.

I had one of these OP and I divorced him.

Not only for this reason but I remember hot tears of frustration in the Lake District watching another couple walk up a hill companionably side by side while he raced off yet again with not a backwards look. So much for "spending the day together".

I felt subjugated constantly.

Completely get why this wouldn’t enter other people’s heads, Natasha. You’ve posted a dozen times or more explaining why. I also gave an example upthread of how I’d marched my own mum around various tourist sites in the past because it suited me without it crossing my mind she might not be enjoying it.

But the op signalled she wanted her family to wait. It’s not about a mismatch in communication. It’s not about whether some people aren’t bothered about sharing certain experiences in the same way. It’s about whether or not it’s reasonable for her dp to adjust his behaviour out of consideration for her feelings. Even if he doesn’t fully ‘get’ it or it means he doesn’t get to do things precisely his way.

I "honestly don't get" why some posters can't understand that this "special family moment" wouldn't even enter the heads of others, let alone make it apparently spoil the whole event.

The OP can feel as upset as she wants. This is AIBU- not "validate my feelings without question". If it was so important that they saw the whatever it is at the same time it might have helped if she had said so before they set out.

If anything I'd expect children of say 12 upwards to naturally steam on ahead.

Is it possible that it does hurt him to slow down? Is it not possible that he is speaking his truth? Does the fa that his truth is different than your experience serve to invalidate his feelings and truth?

Well it is possible, of course, but running when I should be walking is a very real problem for me.

I have also noticed that he doesn't complain that slow walking hurts when he is walking at a slower pace when we are out in a group.

So the 'pain' is clearly manageable in one scenario but not another, funny that.

@lifeturnsonadime
Is it possible that it does hurt him to slow down? Is it not possible that he is speaking his truth? Does the fa that his truth is different than your experience serve to invalidate his feelings and truth?

I think that you crystallized the situation for me. The OP is rightly starting her feelings and truth, and no one can say that those are not her feelings and thoughts.

Pointing out her husband's possible feelings and thoughts in no way invalidates her feelings and thoughts. It is just a way of saying that there are many ways to view the scenario described in the posr.

The issue here isnt his fast walking, its that youve told him it bothers you and its well within his power to do something about it, at almost zero personal cost, and he wont do it. He's a selfish prick.

Unfortunately a basic grasp of comprehension isn't a prerequisite for posting on a thread. I wish it was.

I understand you OP and your feelings are absolutely valid.

Absolutely. There’s been a whole load of posts about how it’s her fault for being slow. She explained clearly, early on, that she’s far from being slow. And that this man is one of those who go tearing ahead, barging other people out of the way. Not a normal fast walker. And that he’s thoughtless and disrespectful in other ways. But no, we’ve had post after post about how frustrating it is to be with someone who dawdles and how she is being ridiculous for wanting to walk as a group.

The AIBU topic is very problematic because there’s a contingent of users who love to be vicious in the replies, and others who like to derail the thread and have fights with each other. People post here in good faith and end up completely demoralised.

@Gotthetshirt1 I’m sorry you’ve been treated like this.