Keeps walking ahead & leaving me behind

I'm so sorry that you're upset, I would be too and your feelings are valid, don't let anyone tell you they're not.

My DH does this all the time. Amongst countless other things. On one occasion when I challenged him about it he told me I was like a dog because I 'kept stopping to look at things' and that his behaviour was reasonable and my objections were not. We were on holiday at the time.

Watch out for other warning signs and get out if you need to. Easy to say and so hard to do, I understand, but life really is too short and too precious to waste.

I’m ashamed to say that I do this, I have ADHD and find it almost impossible to walk slower. Sounds daft but it makes me anxious and stressed trying to do things more slowly…..

The first thing that sprung to mind was NPD. I’ve read up a lot on this. Apparently people who have NPD walk ahead to consciously or unconsciously show they’re more important as are their needs and it also gives them more opportunity to seek out the ‘feed’ they so desperately crave from others/outsiders. I’m not saying this is the case only that it is a trait of NPD. It’s rude and upsetting either way

YNBU at all! I dealt with this for 8 years, it wasn't until after that I saw all the massive red flags that were there. He was 100% a narc and I had a breakdown after our relationship ended.
He always walked ahead of me - I'm 5"1 and he is 6"4 - this always upset me. Until the day we were walking up one of the mountains by us and his one leg dropped into a sinkhole and due to his speed he almost snapped his leg in two.
I'm disabled and walk with a cane, my current partner is 6"2 and he walks slowly beside me!

Gentle hugs darling x

My ex BIL was a fast walker. I live in the US. When my sister and her family came to visit San Francisco, we all walked at the pace of her 2 small children. My sister told me later that it drove her husband crazy. He always insisted the kids keep up with him. He was about 6’, double their height.

I just don’t understand people like that. If it’s a family outing, the whole family should walk as a group with the slowest walker setting the pace.

I have mobility issues now and tend to walk a bit slower sometimes. If someone were to walk ahead like OP’s DH and DC, I would most definitely call them out on it. I would not be ok with blatant disrespect like that.

My OH walks insanely fast (I’m tall and a fast walker, but at his own paced he’d leave me for dust!)

but he’d never walk off and leave me, the point is he’s out with me because he loves me and wants to be with me, talk to me, hold my hand and enjoy things with me. It’s worrying that your “D”H clearly doesn’t value this with you :(

I walk fast by normal standards. DH walks faster than me naturally. He doesn't expect me to be pushing myself to keep up with him and therefore feel rushed, flustered, hot, breathless etc (depending on the day, place and length of the walk). Because the considerate thing to do is to walk at the pace of the slowest in the group. Not make that person feel bad because their legs don't move as quickly or cover as much ground as yours.

When I walk with other family or friends, it's me slowing down. That's what together means. You do it in a way that makes everyone comfortable not just one of you.

No. She's posted numerous times

I get it OP, my DH does exactly the same and this would upset me too.

My DH just naturally has a much faster pace than me (he's a good foot taller than me which helps) and I really struggle to keep up. Its not as if I 'dawdle' - I walk at a normal pace, it's just that DHs 'normal' pace is faster. We also have 2 teens but I find that DC1 always keeps pace with DH whilst DC2 matches my pace (or she just takes pity on her poor Mum being left behind all the time).

We've just come back from a week's holiday and it did upset me that we didn't really experience it as a family (we took DDog with us so it was largely a walking holiday). Most of the week was spent with DH and DC1 walking 100 yards or so in front of me and DC2 and DDog running back and fore between us. I ask him to slow down and he does for a bit but then his pace stays to creep up slowly and before we know it he's 100 yards in front again. Ìt also really bugs me in built up areas as I spend half my time trying to find them as they've either disappeared into the crowd, or 'popped into a shop' or turned off the main street etc, etc.

So unfortunately, I've no real helpful advice but just wanted you to know YANBU and you have my sympathies as a fellow 'straggler'.

Sorry I posted this on the wrong thread sorry!!!

My ex used to do this. I started to cross the road or go in a different direction every time he did it and I told him I would never walk behind him again. Then I left him. Life is so much better without him. Covert narcissist. Horrible.

I get it OP, to the point that I have stopped even bothering organizing things like this that involve my DH. Someone way upthread said that ´part of the walk is socialising’ and with most people in my life this would be true, but not my DH and probably not yours either. To mine the trip is nothing to do with anyone else - it’s all about his experience. I put it down to his childhood (where he seems to have spent a lot of time on his own) and neurodiverse traits.
One of my kids will generally hang around and chat with me - the other kind of does their own thing.
i think of you want to have meaningful joint experiences you might need to find someone else who actually wants similar to do them with.
Its kind of sad though and certainly not what we expected marriage to be like but here we are.

My ds is generally a faster walker than me. I usually say "yo, speedy gonzales, slow down a bit." It has worked to the point where he actually matches my speed.
I used to be a fast walker to keep up with my parents, when I had kids I slowed down to their speed. If their dad's were ahead I would ask them to slow down and continue to plod along at small person speed.

Can you leave him? You need to

My dad has done this all my life. my mum used to ask him to stop and wait. he's tall and walks fast so even if i kept pace his stride would keep him ahead. he had not stopped doing this and still does it at nearly 80 yo. he's never had a psych analysis but would be very surprised if he had npd. i find him brusque, thoughtless and tactless a lot of the time, but he is also very empathetic, generous and lacks any materialism whatsoever. he over thinks and does care about other people and not offending them (although he does without realising or understanding why). he has a ridiculous sense of duty and the common good. so i think it's far too complicated to say this walking ahead trait is indicative of npd. it's a pain and i really really dislike it, but i don't write him off because of this. he has literally given his family everything and thinks of himself last so it can be an annoying trait mixed with lots of positive characteristics.

My ex husband used to do this and myself and my three primary age sons used to scurry behind him like ducklings. It made me feel really bad and he used to say well you need to hurry up. Thankfully he is my ex.
You are right to feel hurt.

God I remember this. He’d be so impatient when I was walking with DS who was probably 2/3 at the time and wanted to dawdle and look at things. He’s get so cross that when he wasn’t looking I’d pick up DS and run and then as I saw him turning around I’d put DS back down and walk normally. He was want Dr Ramani (on YouTube) calls a mid-range narcissist.

A lot of people are dicks, and OP's husband sounds like one.

My sons are over 6' and walk way faster than me.

If we happened to get off the same bus on the way home ds2 would say hi and then walk off far faster than I could keep up even if I ran. Ds1 would take pity on me and adjust his stride so we could walk and talk together.

I didn't mind ds2 walking off as we were just going home. If we were visiting some new site and he wasn't prepared to experience it with me I'd probably be a bit pissed off.

I'm not being slow and dawdling on purpose. I'm just overweight and getting on a bit and have a stride significantly shorter than theirs

My ex used to do that kind of thing all the time, and I have always been a pretty fast walker etc
3 years ago a dear friend, said of my partner he hates you can’t you see it , actually I had got so used to the madness of him that I didn’t see it
All the strange rude things now make sense
He is a narcissist, he was constantly
justifying his crazy behaviour , looking back it was so obvious.
I chucked him out , and life although a journey
of regaining my self , Is now walked only at my pace . Unless I slow down for some one I want to support or show love to
I would have a stand back and really look at the messages he’s giving you and sadly the effect it will have on your children.
feel your pain bless you

My DH is exactly like this. He has ADHD. He can't seem to help but always be in a complete rush wherever we go. It is annoying , I get that.

YANBU

I jokingly said to my husband "are we switching to a new patriarchal system where women walk behind the men?"

It just reminds me of countries where women are treated as second class citizens. ☹️

After several incidences of the same behaviour I said I'm happy to go our separate ways on holiday if needed but I will not trail behind while he strides off at a pace only a six foot man can.....

@Gotthetshirt1 Relationships is better for this kind of issue, you might want to post on there. It's a less confrontational atmosphere.

Nope, that was it. Just pressed, instead of.