Keeps walking ahead & leaving me behind

My dad always set the tone for this with me. He never let us walk behind or on the side of the road. My DP is the same.

I must admit that is the point I think OP is being a bit over the top about, her DH had already seen it twice anyway. I also didn’t see how it is worse because OP organised the holiday.

However I can certainly see the issue if OP is constantly being left behind whenever they go out. My natural pace is slower than DH’s and he sometimes does forget and gets ahead, which I understand. But he would only get ahead by a couple of steps before he would realise or because I am almost running to keep up and tell him to slow down, which he does. I cannot imagine how I would feel if every time we went somewhere he would just leave me trailing behind.

My stbxh did this.

The posters talking about hatung dawdling are missing the point. If you are walking with someone, whether it is your spouse, a child or a friend, then you should walk with them. You're not on a mission to get somewhere, the walking is a sociable activity in itself.

My stbxh always charged off ahead, ignoring me. My father did the same. It is rude, shows a complete lack of respect and empathy.

I think if this happens regularly and I was so bothered about seeing the landmark at the same time as the others ,I'd have said on arrival to please walk at my pace and explained why. I think this all sounds like high pressure for this trip though, what were you going to do if your dc shrugged when they saw it, husband had already seen it twice. Unless there are other big problems I think you are making a big deal of this.

I've run on a treadmill next to DH. We run with our legs moving at he same cadence. He runs 10km while I run 7. Because his legs are much longer.

Also, he looks like a cross between Jason Statham and that rugby bloke who married the royal. People RUN out of his way.

I can't move as quickly as him. Except in London. He's a hick and doesn't understand crowds.

If you are a speed walker you should be able to keep up. I walk fast & don’t have any diagnosis of ADHD or any other issue that almost everyone on MN appears to have. Although it is annoying to have someone with dozy mare syndrome in front of you holding you up.

Yes I think it was especially rude in this circumstance. The whole idea is to do things together as a family

It's really rude. Unless the slowest person says to go on ahead without them you should stick together. People only get slower as they get older, one day he might find he's the one being left behind.

My father is a fast walker. DH is a little bit. The difference is that if I just decide to drop the rope and walk even slower, DH will notice and slow down.

I don' think he'd run to the pyramids without me!

I also can’t keep up with DH but he waits.
I don’t dawdle, he’s just a foot taller than me with longer legs! Also, in crowds people shut me off, he’s more visible and commands more space. I made him walk behind me once and he was amazed how others walked across me, cut my path off etc

So many posters not getting the point of this thread and why the op is upset.

It was missing out on that special family moment that’s upsetting. Not the walking.
Rude posters accusing her of ‘dawdling’.

He could have stopped and waited.

Agree.

My DH does tend to do this a bit, and if we are walking side by side tends to walk me into lampposts and gutters too.

As he is pretty close to perfect in all other ways I just work around it. I’ll say « is this a race? » and « did you mean to wipe me off on that signpost? » and he will be more considerate for a few days. But he wouldn’t have done the race to the landmark - that sounds a bit extreme.

I now tell him I can’t go on long walks with him so he loses out there… he would love me to still go on hikes with him but I’ve explained the situation many times and he’s now accepted it.

Unless you have a mobility issue, walking with a dawdler is v irritating. Add in crowds and people getting in my way and I'm not going to find any part of that fun.

He sounds like a knob tbh; it’s just polite to walk at the same speed as whoever you’re with if they’re slower - I’m a slower walker and my dh can walk quicker than me but he doesn’t; he walks at my pace- stops if I want to and finds a bench. He cares more about me than trying to break some land walker speed record 🙄🤣

Ex would do this, and no YANBU.

He would also finish his food or drink quickly, then get up to leave when I still had 20% left - even after I'd pointed out he did it, and how rude it was to rush me like that, he kept doing it.

As to the idea that it's hard/painful to walk slower than your normal speed - I've managed it for a good 13 years with one child of another, no pain (well except from bending over to hold their hand when they're really small). It's just rude, to not walk together if you're doing something together.

I agree actually. I’m naturally a fast walker, I make the effort to slow down, but then the other person seems to slow down even further. I hate dawdling.

Maybe just different people. Compromise is the answer, not one always matching the other.

My DH can walk off like this. I take a number of actions:
call him out on being rude
hold hands and keep to my pace
slow down or change direction
have the money/ tickets myself so he can’t get in without me

he often keeps to my pace once infront of me so I double down on the being rude part

It's very hard to constantly walk at less than your normal walking speed. Painful even. Neither is it fun to always be the one trailing behind.

There's room for compromise here but neither of you seem the type to want to compromise.

I've got ADHD and tend to walk fast but ADHD doesn't make you an inconsiderate prick which OPs DH is being, saying 'I wouldn't care' when she raises how much it bothers her. It's really hard to control behaviour with ADHD but you can have empathy for those around you too, I don't like the implication that ADHD makes you do what you like and you couldn't give a shit afterwards about how it effects others.

My dad is like this and my sister.
Now I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, I can see that my dad probably has it too.
He cannot help but walk miles in front. I remember his previous partner being furious about it. My DH used to (affectionately I hope!) refer to me as Turbo.
When you have ADHD you feel as though you are being powered by a motor and it’s quite beyond your control.
Does your DH seem in a rush in everything his does? Does he get easily overwhelmed by his feelings of impatience?

He could listen to you and try to rail against his natural state (if he does have ADHD) to show you respect but if it is ADHD he will struggle with this.

Oh my, this sounds like how I trained my dog to walk nicely!

Maybe you should turn around and walk in the opposite direction next time. He obviously gets his kicks from you desperately chasing after him. Really nasty trait.

You are not being unreasonable.

It is things like this, where you request a different behavior because it bothers you, and it is stated by him that since it is not a Big Deal to him, it should not be a Big Deal to you, that lead to unhappiness, as it demonstrates that your feelings do not matter, and no change of behavior will be forthcoming.

There was a very good article written by an ex husband entitled something like "my wife divorced me because I wouldn't put my cup in the sink". Which sounds crazy, but he explained that he ended up divorced because he refused to change his behavior in lots of little ways because he didn't think he should have to, because after all, what's the big deal if he doesn't put his cup in the sink? But she felt that every time she found a cup not in the sink that it demonstrated his indifference to her feelings.

Found the article.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288