Keeps walking ahead & leaving me behind

Most of these posts have put into words how I also feel when walking with DH. I forgive him because, despite how he loves me, he's fucking odd and how I just walk at my pace on my own with a podcast.

OP - my heart sunk when I read your post. How utterly dejected you must have felt. I don't think I could stay quiet about it to be honest.

*in your position

Well I’m your position, if he did this, I’d go off on my own, not rush along behind him like a homeless dog. He’s chosen to fuck off on his own, so I’d go do my own thing too (and make sure I had the car keys with me).

My dh used to do this. When i raised it he would express frustration at my walking so slowly. We then walked places together less and less regularly, stopped taking walks together as a couple as i would lose my breath and end up sweaty, but i pointed out to him that, as a pp mentioned, he wouldn't behave this way with others and that it was like he was trying to train me or belittle me. When we do walk together now I wear my less active footwear to slow me down more. I think of this when I'm walking with my mum. She's always been so slow but I would never have been so disrespectful.

He’s meant to be her husband, he’s meant to love and cherish her, but she’s self entitled because she expects him to walk with her?! Note that it was a holiday that HE wanted but she, the ‘self entitled’ one, booked and arranged it all, but it’s too much to expect him to enjoy as a family and walk with her?
Jesus fucking Christ.

My DP is a very fast walker. I'm pretty fast too, but he's faster, and can bolt off ahead without realising it, especially when he's keen to get somewhere. Difference is, when he realises he's left me behind, he doubles back and apologises. If he does it repeatedly on the same trip, he'll ask to hold hands. He would never have gotten to just before a viewing point, realise I'm a way back, and carried on without me.

Now, somebody would pull this stunt with me precisely once and I would never speak to them again. Manipulating others like that is a very quick way of breaking friendships.

OP, I have some sympathy and you don’t seem to be well suited. I loathe being around slow walkers and would have to mentally steel myself to slow down and accept that it had been rather spoiled for me. I would tend to check with someone what their preferred pace is: (e.g. in an Art Gallery) and I would expect them to agree to meet up if there was a discrepancy.

I think you have really taken it to heart and attributed meaning to his walking ahead that isn’t there. On the other hand, it is equally OK for you to say “I’m doing this at my pace, and if you have to wait at the end, then I don’t care.” Perhaps experiencing you putting yourself first occasionally wouldn’t do any harm.

I'm with you, OP.
I've had two different boyfriends on two different holidays walking just fast enough to stay a step or two ahead of me. They both got huffy when I mentioned it, and furious when I didn't follow them.
In Viet Nam I saw that only the other westerners walked around like that, while the locals always walked two abreast, usually in the road, undaunted by the traffic.
In the Netherlands I saw couples holding hands while they cycled abreast, while my boyfriend was so insistent on riding just ahead of me that he toppled a wheelie bin over onto me and cycled on, oblivious, while I picked myself and the bin off the ground.
Neither relationship survived the holidays.

My DH is a fast walker, usually he slows down and walks with the me. The times he wants to rush of ahead and walk fast - he can but I'm going to get where we're going in my own sweet time and enjoy the scenery.

We've had days out where DH and DD storm ahead eager to get to the landmark and I refuse to walk at their pace as it's uncomfortable for me and I'll arrive at rushed, hot and brothered. Therefore I've learnt to go at my pace and enjoy. I refuse to rushed and the more they try, the more I resist.

I'm a faster walker than my partner and although I appreciate I am the one that has to slow down I do find it frustrating as I feel like my fitness is deteriorating as a result. (I don't unfortunately have many other opportunities for exercise in my life)

I do a lot of walking for pleasure, dog walking etc and when we walk together I am simply not getting any fitness benefits, so unfortunately it is a consequence to my health...my resting heart beat and blood pressure are a little increased as a result of this change.

There are some studies on this that say couples tend to walk more slowly together but health is a consequence of this and ideally it would be better if both walked at the pace of the faster person. I know this isn't really a reasonable expectation and I don't want my partner to be uncomfortable so of course I walk more slowly, but yeah I do feel I am losing out a bit.

I go on some walks separately now to try to retain my fitness.

I've heard this complaint from people before about thier partners.

One thing I've noticed is, for the best part, the "faster" walker initially walks ahead and then keeps a consistent distance ahead. Which means they are walking at the same speed.

I've heard that it's painful to not walk fast before too (seems to be the explanation given as to why a partner needs to walk ahead). However, never heard a reason given as to why it's possible walk at the same speed while ahead but not sure by side.

That's fine as there's two groups - no one is being left alone. But if there was one person walking slowly alone (despite them walking at their fastest pace), it wouldn't be fine. Completely different situation.

But sightseeing or going on a walk with others isn't about pace - it's about socialising and spending time together. Walking at pace is for when you have tasks to do, or somewhere to get to urgently. I live in fast-paced London but when I go back to my quiet hometown, I slow down and actually smile at people, because (1) I'm not a dick and (2) being socially aware is about knowing what is and isn't appropriate depending on the environment and social circumstances. Leaving one person in a group who is walking at their fastest pace to trail behind you on a holiday will always be selfish.

I organise a walking group, all female. There is always a discrepancy between the fast walkers and the slow walkers. The fast walkers charge ahead, the slow walkers natter and take their time. I was always running between the two groups feeling guilty. Now I don't try to keep them together. It is irritating for fast walkers to hang back and the slower ones are quite happy to take it at their pace. I don't think it has anything to do with personality types. I can't quite believe labels are being attached to people because of how quickly or slowly they walk. It is another thing to take offence over.

He is a prick. End of.

Its the intention though. Acknowledging the person behind you. Kids for example may run off in front but they will run back to tell you what’s ahead etc.

My ex DH did the striding off thing but annoyingly only places he knew. When it was somewhere he didn’t, he dawdled behind me. Also in pubs and restaurants. He would march into our local first but anywhere new and he would open the door “politely” so I had to be first in. Sounds stupid but its not always obvious if it’s a go to the bar or find a table or wait to be seated and I didn’t like always being the one expected to get it right.

My DH did this once when I had a knee injury and couldn’t keep up with him (he knew this) walking the dog. I went back home. Once he realised, he rushed back and once I had explained that A. There’s no point in my walking not with him and therefore unable to have a conversation with him and B. He’s not the Queen and me Prince Philip, so why should I walk behind him as if he’s royalty? he got the message and hasn’t done it again.

Well, OP, your DH sounds like an absolute bell end.

I'm a naturally fast walker but manage to adjust my pace so as not to abandon my children without any of the distress many here apparently experience. He's an arse. If you're going to something together he shouldn't stalk off alone.

So, you are allowed to "not cope" with walking slower, but other people have to cope with you walking faster?

I'm a fast walker myself (not as fast as you), but your comment sounds very focussed on yourself, and without insight as to how your behaviour impacts on others.

Yes- walking slower than your natural speed can be tedious and uncomfortable- but you do it when you have to don’t you? If you were walking with your kids, with a friend, with someone who had Mobility issues, I’d going somewhere as a group together.
when I am alone I go at whatever speed I want - if with another person we go at the same speed. If that means I have to slow down then so what. Better go slower and not be an utter knob.

Going to see something doesn’t mean speeding along to get there fast, glancing and getting on with your day. Imagine parking up and going to the Taj Mahal, see it and go. That’s not what sightseeing trips are about. You want to absorb the atmosphere, take in the beauty etc

Because, as mentioned above, different people, walking at the same cadence, move at different speeds - are you seriously suggesting that it would be more polite for OP to scouts pace it so that her DP can stride along?

I'll try that with my mum next time we go out for a walk shall we? Stop dawdling mother, it's only one hip that's knackered, and it's dreadfully rude for you to make it take 10 mins to walk to the shop rather than 8 by walking so slowly.

Totally get why this is upsetting. Out of order, and fact he claims to not know why you’re upset is bull - he’s just trying to trivialise your feelings and make you feel like you’re over reacting.

But why should the pace be set by the person who walks like a snail? Why can the fucking irritating person who walks v slowly not move a tad quicker to save everyone else from pootling along?? The op said the activity was to see something - why can't you just crack on, see it, then get on with your day? It is entirely possible that the slow walker is the rude one, holding up everyone else.