Keeps walking ahead & leaving me behind

I was also wondering how they cope around disabled people who physically cannot walk / walk fast. I imagine if their partners ever became disabled they would have to get a grip and just walk a bit slower.

My ex did this to me at Glastonbury! Worse still I was in a Mobility scooter and couldn’t get through the crowds without him to help me. Ironically he got in free as he was supposed to be my PA for the festival 🙄
It really put me off him as he used to be so chivalrous. Then he dumped me on my birthday a month later. Even the good guys are pricks. I’d take this as a sign, it’s not okay.

My DH has been doing this to me for 30+ years. He has various issues due to ND and childhood abuse and he’s really worked hard to overcome most of them, but this is a trait he can’t seem to shake. His brain works at a million miles an hour and he can never, ever just be in the moment and enjoy the going along; it’s always about getting to the next thing and the next thing and the next thing, not just physically but in life generally - I always say he’s going to ‘next thing’ our lives away until the next thing is his fucking coffin (or mine).

I’m a fast walker too but I still spend most of my time looking at the back of him accelerating away from me so I really do I sympathise with you, OP. I can put up with it normally but holidays are different, and we had an almost identical scenario this year (very special holiday in a country we’ve planned to visit for ages) which spoilt lots of attractions for me. He’d hammer through and then start texting ‘where are you?’ from outside, and he totally ruined an otherwise lovely afternoon by bombing away from me and jumping onto the transport back half an hour early, leaving no time to even look around!

It seems like a small thing but it’s exhausting and a bit depressing - I’d rather be on my own enjoying things at my own pace than constantly trying to keep up with someone who seems to give no shits if I’m there or not (he does care, but that’s def how it makes me feel). YADNBU.

I do have to agree with others that the 'shared moment' thing does seem a bit over the top. You seem to have a lot invested in that, yet I wouldn't care less so maybe a bit of self-reflection needed there.

The walking ahead would do my head in

Nor should it be about "the expression on your loved ones faces" when they first behold this marvel. People are not performing seals and life is not an Instagram moment. I can't think of anything more likely to make a teenager walk fast than the thought that they were going to make or break the day depending on which facial expression they chose to adopt.

Completely agree.

Oh for goodness sake, talk about being desperate to miss the point to ‘win’ an argument.
OP wanted to them to do that tourist attraction together. A perfectly reasonable request that is easy for the family to accommodate. She is clear she’s upset at being left alone and behind.

And deriding that as a ‘Disney’ moment is exactly the mentality of her H. What you think of her wish is not the point. Whether her H thinks it’s important is not the point. The point is it’s important to her and is easy for her H to oblige. People in happy marriages to decent people, accommodate each other like that. People in miserable marriages to selfish arses deride each other’s perspectives and wishes with insults like ‘Disney’

It’s just rude. My dh and adult dd do this to me too. I’m often left walking far behind with Ds aged 11, we walk at the same pace. I understand it’s frustrating to force yourself to walk slower but it’s just good manners to walk at the pace of the slowest member of your group. If someone went walking with someone with mobility issues (which I have, to be fair) you wouldn’t walk far ahead of them as it would just seem so cruel, it’s actually no different if they have mobility issues or not. It makes me so angry. There’s been a few times I’ve literally either sat down or walked off in the other direction.

No one needs to ‘grow up’ in order to pretend your rude behaviour doesn’t exist. It’s rude to go somewhere as part of a group and then fuck off ahead and expect whoever is left behind to follow you like a dog. Maybe try having some consideration for others or just go on your own. You see how you told your husband to walk ahead, he didn’t just leave you behind, because he actually considers you.

But that's you. It's not important to you to share the moment.

If it had been and your husband just bombed off then would you have been so breezy about it.

Newsflash, different things are important to different people.

Omg i read it as she does speed walking regularly
No wonder i thought it was odd!
I can see i am not the only one

Oh dear. I do this to dh. He is so incredibly slow though it drives me to distraction.

That's not what OP is complaining about - it's not the fact he didn't walk and chat with her. She's complaining about her special Disney moment being spoiled.

Oh honestly grow up. I have been on a holiday with my husband which involved lots of walking to get to specific tourist views and I've told him to go on ahead, I'll see him at the top.

This. And concisely put too.

You're right. I misread that. But it also doesn't suggest she dawdles or pootles along either.

I don't think walking speed is really the issue here. OP, your DH is controlling and joyless. He doesn't consider your feelings or allow you to challenge him. Your DC are copying his behaviour.

The point is that he could walk a bit slower. The OP couldn't match his pace. You're making a load of stuff up about the OP.

This isn't about curating memories it's about thoughtfulness and respect.

And making it about the OP ruining the moment because she's caused a row is just the kind of gaslighting shit the 'D'H is likely to come up with.

I bet the OP an awful lot of money he didn't used to do this when they first met. So it's not that he can't walk slightly slower he just chooses not to.

Everyone saying that OP is a speed walker - no she's not, she's a "regular speed" walker, not the same thing !

But it’s not about you or what you would think. Being in a Relationship is about accommodating what’s important to the other person.

Or are you seriously saying the H was correct to , on principle, walk ahead of her ( and a minute ahead is quite a lot) rather than thinking ‘ Wife has arranged all this, I know doing it together is important to her, so I’ll walk and chat with her’.

If he was a fast walker and forgot you weren’t, that would be more forgivable, but it sounds like he’s doing it on purpose, which is nasty, like you’re some inferior servant that tags along behind him while he masterfully strides out.

I’m not sure if you can change him but I’d try to stop your DC following his behaviour.

You could try to subtly slow down your DH by removing items signifying being in charge, eg if he always matches ahead of you to the car keys in hand, make sure you look after the car keys so if he does walk ahead he’ll have to wait for you. Pretend you’ve forgotten something and ask him to return to the car to look for it while you walk on. Hold his hand so he has to walk with you. Misdirect him so you can get to the entrance before he does, etc etc.

There are 2 issues here. One is husband apparently consistently walking off ahead of OP. The other is the OP's overly dramatic "special family moment is ruined"

If OP and husband are out for a country walk or city sight seeing then clearly part of that is walking together, having a conversation. Walking off without her in that situation is rude.

Here the point was to see whatever it was they were going to see. The fixation on the shared family moment being ruined/ missing out on seeing their faces to the exclusion of the fact that they all saw whatever it was is OTT.

My ex used to do this towards the end and I think it was a clear sign that he thought I was beneath him in the pecking order or didn't want to be seen with me or used it as punishment to try and keep me in my place. I saw it as contempt.

This is one of many things that tipped it for me. I had never in my life before trailed behind someone like a second class citizen.

Unfair of her DH to steal that initial moment and their reaction from the OP.

And here we have it. Competitive parenting. Photos for FB. Curated memories. Just like all the rage on MN at birthdays being 'stolen' by grandparents offering a better gift or making a cake and stealing control from parents who have swallowed the message that they should commodify and curate and control every experience.

This isn't a healthy way of thinking. Life isn't a tick box. You don't become a good parent by racking up and documenting magic moments. Magic moments can't be guaranteed. I wonder whether the OP's children will remember their visit to the Grand Canyon (or wherever it is they've visited) for mum and dad having yet another row about how fast dad walks and not for the natural wonder in front of them.

It's not about you and your mother though. The OP isn't expecting a Disney moment, she just wants to enjoy her holiday with her family.