Keeps walking ahead & leaving me behind

I’d also look at the traits of autism when considering why he is like this.
He’s not going to change ever, so I would consider whether or not you want this for the rest of your life.

My husband was prone to doing this. I'm not a "dawdler" but I have shorter legs (one slightly shorter than the other) and an old knee injury so my pace is slower. If I forced myself to keep up I'd actually have to break into a jog. Going for a run is fine if you want to go for a run but we were supposed to be "going for a walk". We used to do a lot of country walks before we had children and would bicker over this a lot. I'd say there was no point going for a walk together if we weren't actually walking ... together. Sometimes he'd accuse me off walking slowly on purpose just so I could have a go at him. WtF? This usually happened after we passed someone coming the other way and he'd suddenly be embarrassed how it looked - that he was striding so far ahead of me through the woods and it looked like we'd had a massive row.

On holiday it felt like he could never enjoy the moment as he'd tear off ahead without seeming to take in the surroundings. I'd pause to take a photo of the beautiful view ahead, immediately ruined by his bonce bobbing up in the camera lens because he couldn't bear to stop for just a few seconds. But later when I recounted the interesting landmarks and features he'd seem a bit huffy because he'd missed seeing most of them!

It got better after we had children as obviously they do walk slower and my two can dawdle for England (yes it is annoying) and I think he realised he looked even more of a twat striding off on his own with his wife behind with pushchair and children!

I also let him be hoisted by his own petard a few times and he gradually learnt from it. Once we were in a tropical island trying to reach a particular location. I stopped to look at the map and realised we were heading the wrong way. I called him back but he was already so far ahead he couldn't hear me. It was hot and humid and I couldn't face running after him which was the only way I'd catch up. So I sat down and waited for him to come back. He was furious at first but couldn't really justify that I was in the wrong.

On another occasion we were in London with the children, heading to the tube. Must have been the time a lot of shows finished because the pavements and tube stations were heaving. Off he strode and we lost him in the crowd. Me and the children continued to tube as planned and got on the next train. Apparently he spent ages looking for us on the platform which would have been a hopeless task. He was cross when he turned up at Paddington and found us sitting comfortably with our hot drinks. "Well if you will run off like that you'll risk not being able to find us again" was the point I made.

Though I get the feeling OP's husband is beyond being taught a lesson, not least because the teens now do it too. Sympathies, OP.

That's a different scenario tho'. Walking around a city looking at shops, buildings etc and having a conversation together is clearly important in that situation.

I can't think of any high landmarks in Prague but for example I wouldn't have expected my husband to go at my pace climbing the leaning Tower of Pisa.

This is not about you, this is about how the OP FEELS. Are you always this emotionally immature?

What about how the other three members of her family feel? It's not just about the OP..

She has a husband and two kids who all appear happy to walk quickly and who aren't bothered about shared family moments and seeing the expressions on each others faces 🤷‍♀️

Yup

So blind. It's all me, me, me in this post.

This is not about you, this is about how the OP FEELS. Are you always this emotionally immature?

And I'd hate to be in a relationship with someone this self absorbed.

He does show some other elements around control etc

He thinks he's more important than you.

He is completely unreasonable. However, you do still have the ability to mould your teens into considerate people by simply asking them on them to stick with you on the journey out. Your husband can bugger off on his own. I bet he won't get the same kick out of leaving you behind if you're having a nice time walking in the company of your DC.

You need to explain to your DC in a clear way that it is rude to leave someone behind, so that they don't turn into inconsiderate partners too.

A slightly cruel tactic is to lumber your husband with a load of crap to carry 😆. Finally, if you go to an attraction that requires parking, then fuck off out of the car with your DC and leave it for him to sort.

I have spent the entirety of my very long marriage walking 3 paces behind my husband. Even tho I walk quickly, he has long legs and just really struggles to moderate his pace. I never even thought about it until a friend commented. I just think it's mildly hilarious and not something to worry about.

When we used to go out as a family with exh he spoilt the enjoyment of everything as he whizzed ahead and we all had to keep up hardly taking notice of what we had come to see.

I remember going to a museum that the kids would have loved but he dominated the pace of it and when we got out he declared it was ‘rubbish’ but he hadn’t witnessed most of it. Then we would be going home after an hour. If we had taken it at the kids’ pace we could have spent an enjoyable half a day.

'Please slow down and wait for me, or I'm going back to the car and will leave. I find your lack of consideration very rude.'

'Blah, blah, blah.'

'I don't care. It's rude. We go together or we don't go at all.'

I would show your dh and your children what you have written here.
Its rude to walk ahead and leave someone behind.
As a curtesy you walk at the pace everyone can keep up with.
In future OP if they walk ahead sit down. Wait for them to see you’re not there and for them to return to find you. Do not rush to catch up or put up with being the one left behind. Your dh is a bully and your dcs are following his lead.

Stop going with him, you're not seeing him anyway when he shoots off like a rocket. There's no pleasure in it for you and he doesn't care.

Do you not think if OP could've kept up, she would have? Not everyone can move at the same pace.

Some people are just dawdlers though. It's nothing to do with physical ability. It's just personal preference.

OP isn't clear what category she falls in - she's just said her children have also started zooming ahead with their dad.

OP said her children were "virtually running" to keep up with her husband.

She doesn't say whether they're running to him from OP or whether they're constantly running to keep to his pace. There's a big difference - maybe they want to walk with their dad or are fed up with dawdling along with their mum?

Hmm I'm in the minority who thinks you are making a bigger deal about his than it needs to be. Missing out on Witnessing a first reaction together of a landmark, brought you nearly to tears? Come on, that's a bit much.

I'm naturally a fast walker, I want to get where I'm going not piss about waiting for slow people. If the kids and your husband are moving at a fast pace then unless you have a mobility issue, keep up, simple really. Move with the majority if it's that important to you.

Also I don't think height has that much to do with it, I walk much faster than my husband who is over a foot taller than me and he's the one having to rush to keep up. Cardio is good for you.

When my DH does this I shout ‘walk with wife!’ and he comes back.

Thank you OP. I thought it was just me.

My DH is exactly the same. Cannot walk at my pace apparently, even though my pace is too fast for most women. Will not wait and gets angry if I suggest that he might.

Every now and then I get sick of it and stop walking with him, but he walks obsessively every day and if I didn't go out with him sometimes, I'd never see him, but it's always the same every time I try and I usually end up on the edge of tears. There would be pleasure in a stroll and stopping to look at things, but he just cannot do it.

I suspect ADHD given some of his other behaviours. Either that or I have to face the uncomfortable fact that he is rude and uncaring.

I once had a boyfriend who went all out to impress me by taking me to Prague for a weekend, booking us into a beautiful hotel- then blew the effect totally by walking 6 paces ahead of me the whole time. 🤦‍♀️

My dad used to do this on family walks when he was pissed off with us or my mum. He was and still is horrible.

Sorry to say I do this. I get out of the car and off I go. I like to get going, walk at my own quite fast pace and feel a bit free. Then I turn around and wait for my DH who has been checking he's got everything, looking at phone messages, generally taking his time. Maybe I am a narcissist! He used to complain about it, but I know I'd only be hanging around waiting for him, then hurried past things, like attractive shop windows, that only interest me. We always meet up to share our thoughts and reactions in the end.

You have no idea why it was so important to her. People hold importance in different things. Maybe you should have your own bit of self reflection as to why you thought being a snarky, judgemental prick would help?

Well said, @Wambamcam
You can't possibly diagnose adhd from the op's posts either.

Just because it wouldn't upset your DH doesn't mean its not upsetting.
However, next time, tell him it's important to you to see 'the thing' together, and ask him to walk at your pace for that occasion. Day to day, don't try to keep up. Just tell him that the walking issue is making you miserable and you'll meet him there and arrive in your own time. In a different world the person being slow could be accused of being controlling by always being late.

My DH is very very tall, I'm very very short so our walking pace is very different. Its a pain for us both actually but we compromise or just walk at different paces. I'm not walking faster than is comfortable to keep up, and I don't really expect him to walk slower than comfortable either. So on tours etc we tend to wander off and regroup as the day goes.

My otherwise lovely dh nearly always does this - goes ahead at what I call his ‘route march’ pace. It’s not as if I amble - I go at normal walking pace. I see other couples walking together or hand in hand and sometimes it still upsets me - this has been going on for decades now. It’s particularly noticeable on public transport - charging ahead at stations/Underground.,

I’ve almost given up saying anything because it makes no difference - but I stopped going for walks with him during the first lockdown, because he’d invariably charge ahead - and then stop and wait for me with that nobly-very-patient expression. 🤬

I’ve noticed BTW that when we have a close woman friend staying, who walks at about the same pace as I do, he can somehow manage to adapt his pace to hers.
Dd1 is the same, always going at route-march pace.

See my post directly above - they don’t change.

Painful? Fucking painful. Oh do be quiet. It's totally disrespectful and selfish, which has also also backed-up by ND posters , and as a parent of 2 ND DC I would not allow this degree of selfishness.

The OP doesn't seem like she would compromise? WTF do you get that from? She's upset & doing nothing wrong here. Are you justifying your own selfish behaviour in life? Honestly, some folk on this site.