Keeps walking ahead & leaving me behind

I also thought the actual landmark bit/ expressions on faces was a bit of a non issue, but the overall working ahead is disrespectful.

The thing about it rubbing off on children - my Dd (14) does it a bit too now. I do always tell her because it bothers me.

In her case it’s not that she’s super fast - when it’s the two of us we walk at the same speed - but that if we’re with 9 yo ds who is slower, or with my Mum who is also slower now she’s older, we have to pace ourselves to the slowest person. Otherwise we end up with her up ahead, my Mum and DS behind both being older/ younger and also being the kind of people who like to “smell the roses”, and me going back and forth in between trying to keep us together.

Hbh17 · Today 09:31
I have spent the entirety of my very long marriage walking 3 paces behind my husband. Even tho I walk quickly, he has long legs and just really struggles to moderate his pace. I never even thought about it until a friend commented. I just think it's mildly hilarious and not something to worry about.

was replying to this

I'm not going to comment on the walking as other people have but OP, why are you treating the landmark as something you have bought and gift-wrapped for the family... and are angry that you didn't see the expression on their faces? That is bizarre and I wonder if that's precisely what your husband didn't want to provide for you.

I don't know if he's a man you want to be with going forwards but that level of control about the monument and insistence on seeing it at the exact same time, screams to me that your husband was making a point of not complying, exerting and showing his displeasure of your arrangement.

Worth a conversation when you're back home I think.

But he IS moderating his pace, otherwise the gap would get bigger and bigger.

So why does he need to take those first 3 steps to get ahead?

All right, maybe I have over reacted but my abusive step Dad used to do this to my Mum and it was just one thing out of many that said "I'm a massive knobhead".

We need more context, is he an ADHDer full of irrepressible and unmanaged energy who is otherwise a caring guy, or is he a selfish person who just doesn't care about OP?

Just a thought, a life lesson from Lilo and Stitch:
“Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten”
You aren’t wrong, OP. 💐

No, the OP said she's a regular-speed walker — ie, she thinks she walks at a regular speed. This has been noted several times already.

It’s also a bullying tactic by some men. The barrelling people out of the way. I know one who deliberately walks at people especially if he’s in a mood and says well they shouldn’t be dawdling in the way when they are at a normal speed. He also doesn’t follow etiquette like stopping to let people pass eg if a woman with umbrella and bags coming towards me on narrow path i’d stop or move around not straight men up and march through, it’s rude. If pulled up he’s say stupid woman stood in the way.

I do know that but I would hate someone to dismiss all women as a group because their wife was this or that.

This is perfect. Do this without any emotional outburst.
Just expect polite and normal behaviour and settle for nothing less.
It doesn't matter that he would not be upset by similar treatment. He is not married to himself. He is living with a real family of people who have feelings to be respected.

My husband used to have the irritating habit where when we were getting up to leave say a restaurant, he'd zoom off straight away while I'm still getting up, putting my jacket on and gathering my bag etc, checking we have everything etc like most people do.

It annoyed me so much because I felt like I'd be hurriedly following him out feeling all rushed and when I mentioned it he had no idea it was a thing, and made an active effort to stop. When I met his dad I realised he's EXACTLY the same although 10x worse and it's definitely a horrible narcissistic power trip personality thing, he'll just stride off anywhere and expect the rest of us to follow.

It's obviously a learned thing in this case and it does pass on to kids, without them realising it's a bad thing, case in point right here. Luckily my husband is much better now and makes an active effort not to do it but occasionally he'll still absentmindedly start striding off when I'm still getting my toddler ready to leave and nothing annoys me more!!!

Let's face it if he is walking sooooo fast the OP cannot keep up he is walking too fast - most of my family walk fast, DH doesn't but on holiday you walk on ahead then loiter while the slower one catches up.
May as well go on holiday alone if you never walk together.

What are you talking about?!

I’m having a slightly off topic conversation with someone else about the challenges of moving at different speeds. Neither of us mentioned landmarks 😂😂

Its as though you’re looking for an argument with someone.

Overlooked and disregarded sums it up.
You asked him to wait and he didn’t. He knows you wanted to experience it together.
It’s not about the walking speed but the doing something that knowingly upsets your wife and not caring.
It sounds like a small thing but when you unpick it’s saying I don’t care about you.
When couples with long marriages are asked it’s often the little things that matter - he makes me a cup of tea in bed etc. little things that show care.
If you do stay then I’d be clear you aren’t tolerating it. You hold on to the tickets. Stop and walk off not follow etc.

But it’s subjective, I think I walk at a normal speed. He thinks he does. Probably the truth is somewhere in between.

We have no idea how fast OP or her husband walk but if the kids are choosing to walk with him rather than her, that might be an indicator.

This thread mainly amused me because within a few posts the husband has been labelled and diagnosed for something that I do. I’m definitely not controlling, selfish, narcissistic etc (in fact probably on the other end of the scale) but according to MN, because I walk faster than DH I must be.

Yeah cos the supermarket is just like an amazing landmark. 🙄

@SophieTheWonderCat Hardly! It's presumably because we single people don't have to put up with selfish behaviour like this which devalues you as a person. And it's fabulous and amazing. I love threads like this that remind me how amazing it is.

😂. Yes in the supermarket I send him off for a couple of things and then we just phone each other to see where the other one is. By the time he’s got two things I’ve done half of the weekly shop.

Sounds like we should start a walking group? 😉

because of Op's husband?

@CoalTit I'm afraid that cycling behind a mere woman seems to brings out the worst in a lot of men. I've noticed they'll do anything to overtake, even if they then continue on directly in front of you for ages after that. They just cannot bear to be following you, so your bin story doesn't surprise me at all.

Yet another person who's assumed she dawdles. No evidence of this whatsoever and what is it got to do with the OP that your husband smokes during walks. The OP has said she walks at regular speed, just that the husband bombs along.

Missing out on Witnessing a first reaction together of a landmark, brought you nearly to tears? Come on, that's a bit much.

Is it not the same as seeing the joy on your children's faces when they're unwrapping the Christmas/birthday presents you've carefully chosen, bought and wrapped for them? I'd be a bit upset if someone else (who HADN'T done all the tedious prep) just handed them over without me being there. That look of awe/wonder/joy is precious.

OP my XH used to do similar. I can still remember him towing me along behind him in Las Vegas. He, of course, didn't bear the brunt of the aggrieved looks and protests, because he was too busy steaming ahead. (I dropped his hand PDQ and then lost him in less than a couple of minutes due to the crowds). He also used to get up and leave the table in a restaurant without a backward glance. Reasons number 221 for him now being an ex.

On the other hand, DS1 (27) also walks 'quick march', but has been brought up to have manners, and so moderates his pace when walking with those who walk slower (which includes his girlfriend as well as me). If he occasionally mutters some guff about how 'painful' it is to walk slowly, I remind him that when he was a toddler he used to nearly yank my arm out of its socket, dawdling and dragging his feet, and then he remembers that he's not a selfish arse really and cheers up.

I'm with you @ShiteRider. Sometimes my DH and I have to phone each other to see where we each are.

Can i say that I think you should let the DCs hear any reasoned explanation as to why you were upset - that you arranged the holiday for him but that you had hoped it would be a fun family holiday you will all enjoy as a team before the DCs are old enough to go their separate and that getting first sight of the Thing was something you wanted to share to see their faces.

I really think you should do this as there is a risk that you are seen as needy and pathetic (a bit strong) when DF is the capable decisive one.
You are then letting them see that having emotional feelings about what should have been an important event for you all is absolutely normal and a good thing.
I would start criticising DF, or asking why he has behaved a certain more, as his strong will could be putting you in a bad light.

I was brought up in a dysfunctional home with an alcoholic and angry DF - NOTHING was ever discussed. The rest of us were never a team. Sad.