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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help me do this pl - splitting holiday villa costs

211 replies

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 07:25

Morning. Planning a landmark event celebration next year in pool villa in a very sought after destination spot.

Bedroom 1 - DH & I
Bedroom 2 - Best Friend and her DH
Bedroom 3 - Friend's teenaged kids (2)
Bedroom 4 - Friend's BIL & his DP
Bedroom 5 - Friend's BIL's adult child

Villa rental is 3000$ / week. Friend has suggested that each family pays 1000$.

I feel grumpy that the split is a threeway when my DH and I will use only one bedroom. But DH says not to make a fuss as it is a long awaited celebratory holiday and by being tight we will cast a shadow over the happy planning stage (we are not rich AT ALL but a bit more financially secure than my friend's or her BIL's family)

AIBU in thinking that I should be paying less for the villa rental.

OP posts:
Original poster
captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:13

calmcoco · 06/08/2023 08:09

I think you should read this back.

I was going to say I'd split 3 ways before this update but this is also important info as to why they were invited.

I agree with your DH. Sometimes being a people pleaser is a good thing, it means you get along with people and have nice times.

Show quote history

I think this is what my DH means by not making things awkward. He fears if I object vocally to the 3 way split, it will make us appear heartless.

I am very sorry for BIL's DP of course. Does this mean I should pay extra 400$ for this holiday. Where does this stop then? Are we all going to subsidise their food bills also for the week? I think I'm more bothered about the request itself, that we pay 1k $ each for the villa, without private conversation about it.

OP posts:
Greenfree · 06/08/2023 08:13

I wouldn't include the teenage kids but I would expect each adult or adult couple that gets their own room to pay equally so I would divide the 3000 by 4 (that's if BIL's adult child is working etc)

Tinkerbyebye · 06/08/2023 08:12

Split by room. Then meals out are paid for by each family, meals at home I would split by a third

Whattheactualwhatnow · 06/08/2023 08:12

we Usually split by bedroom. Ordinarily I’d say you guys pay more if you can afford or are in a better position financially, however if you split all costs 3 ways that’s not fair, so I’d want to check they are planning to split other costs more fairly?

MikeRafone · 06/08/2023 08:11

How do I start that conversation lol.

hi WhatsApp group for holiday

id like to suggest a way of splitting the costs for the 9 of us going away, as the group numbers are uneven, here is my suggestion. Then put your suggestion from any above. Also why don’t we do the same for eating out, frocery shopping and fuel - that means everyone knows upfront the cost and it’s divided fairly. Hopefully this helps everyone

its not as if those bringing off spring are going to say no let’s jyst split everything 3 ways so are kids are supplemented by you the entire holiday

Original poster
captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:09

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 07:34

Exactly what my husband says this too but then he's a people pleaser

This is reply to

PerspiringElizabeth
Honestly if you can take the hit just do. Life’s too short. See it as being a generous friend. Enjoy your holiday.

OP posts:
calmcoco · 06/08/2023 08:09

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 07:44

Friend is organising the entire thing. Friend's idea to bring the BIL, as his DP's lost both parents to covid and been in depression

I think you should read this back.

I was going to say I'd split 3 ways before this update but this is also important info as to why they were invited.

I agree with your DH. Sometimes being a people pleaser is a good thing, it means you get along with people and have nice times.

Original poster
captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:06

Ilikewinter · 06/08/2023 07:41

Hummm....so this is a best friend who lives on another continent and your trying to arrange this holiday by whatsapp?. How well do you know friends BIL?.
I would have major reservations on this - especially as your only just arranging the villa and youve been jumped on to split 3 ways. What about food, I expect that will come with a 3 way split to. Honestly, id pull out.

I don't want to pull out, I have waited a long time for this holiday with my childhood friend.

My god I hope my friend won't be a CF! Can't just bear the thought of her asking to split the bill 3 way for 9 eaters! That will sour my holiday tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:04

MikeRafone · 06/08/2023 07:48

If your staying in a villa you’ll probably eat out

when the bill arrives will it also be expected jyst to split it 3 ways?

if you suggest now you split things more equally and have a kitty for eating out and shopping, whereby the purse is filled or someone holds the money in a bank account and everyone transfers in

Bedroom 1 - DH & I. £100
Bedroom 2 - Best Friend and her DH £100
Bedroom 3 - Friend's teenaged kids (2)£50
Bedroom 4 - Friend's BIL & his DP £100
Bedroom 5 - Friend's BIL's adult chil £25

£375 or of course double it to start with and use this money to pay for meals out, shopping for provisions

suggest you do this before travelling as then meals out can be paid for easily without resentment or hassle after each meal. 3 extra mouths being fed for free each time is going to grate

great tip, thanks for this, i will make a note to propose a common kitty. the holiday is almost a year away, so we have plenty of time to figure out things

OP posts:
Original poster
captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:03

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:02

I would like to, definitely. But I don't know how to make it happen! How do I start that conversation lol. Trip is next year

forgot to quote! this is reply to

Poppyblush
Can you get the master bedroom then, as you’re paying more than your share?

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 06/08/2023 08:03

JC89 · 06/08/2023 07:34

YABU. In a villa you use more than just the bedroom! You'll be getting just as much use out of the pool/living area/kitchen/garden/being in the destination etc.

But that works for everyone though. So according to your idea, the total cost should be split equally between every person. £3000 / 9 = £333 per person. So OP pays £666 for her and DH.

Original poster
captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:02

I would like to, definitely. But I don't know how to make it happen! How do I start that conversation lol. Trip is next year

OP posts:
Paq · 06/08/2023 08:02

I think the general principle of kids not paying is fine. I'd suck up the cost of the villa but make it clear that food and other costs will be split proportionately.

I go away with my sister (who has more kids than me) and my parents and we always just split accommodation costs three ways but pay food costs proportionate to number of mouths.

JaukiVexnoydi · 06/08/2023 08:01

Yanbu at all

Cost should be split per-head with the teenagers counting as 0.5 so you and DH are 2 heads, friend is 3 heads (2+0.5+0.5) and Friend's BIL is 3 heads (2+1)

You are quite right that you should pay less, but per room isn't fair either. A family using two bedrooms aren't actually getting double the value that you are. Per head like this makes for a reasonable compromise.

Original poster
captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:01

Ilikewinter · 06/08/2023 07:41

Hummm....so this is a best friend who lives on another continent and your trying to arrange this holiday by whatsapp?. How well do you know friends BIL?.
I would have major reservations on this - especially as your only just arranging the villa and youve been jumped on to split 3 ways. What about food, I expect that will come with a 3 way split to. Honestly, id pull out.

well, aren't most trips at least the initial planning stage dealt on email and whatsapp, when the travelers live in different countries? I know these people very well, they are my childhood friends. Except for the BIL's family

OP posts:
rosiebl · 06/08/2023 08:00

Sets a precedence for your holiday OP. What if the restaurant bill comes at the end of your first meal and your friend says 'let's split three ways'. You will subsidise every turn if you aren't careful. I would just say something back in the WhatsApp group 'Thank you so much for organising friend. Whilst we are happy to put a little more in the pot for families using two bedrooms, as we are only using one bedroom, surely we shouldn't pay a straight third? How about we pay £800 and you each pay £1100'.

MrsKwazi · 06/08/2023 07:56

I would book into a nearby hotel. When was the last time you spent overnights with the entire family??? You and your H will be totally outnumbered.

nearby hotel and dip in and out as you please, also somewhere to escape to.

Original poster
captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 07:56

Mumof2teens79 · 06/08/2023 07:40

That seems reasonable for a large villa in a sought after location....can I ask what the celebration is and how close you are to friends BIL in his child?
Because if you are the driving force behind the trip to celebrate your landmark and have asked them to come then you should probably split three ways.
But if its friends landmark and they have invited you and their BIL family then I would be looking at per room/per person (even if students get a discount)

Not very close to friend's BIL but friendly enough. Quite fond of his kid whenever I dropped in at their place over the years (they all live as a joint family, we are not in UK)

The landmark event is not mine. My husband and I have allocated 500$ as gift for the person who is celebrating the event. The amount is because it is cultural / customary to give gold for this event.

(sorry I can't mention specifics, I don't want this to be too outing)

OP posts:
Batalax · 06/08/2023 07:55

Or split in thirds and the families buy an extra meal out each. Or put a bit extra into the food kitty.

MzHz · 06/08/2023 07:55

I’d point out that as your subsidising the kids to an extent, you are paying more that is technically fair so you’ll have the biggest/master bedroom and call it even.

make sure that they don’t approach the restaurant bills in the same manner

Batalax · 06/08/2023 07:54

A compromise would be to split by person but charge half for each non working child.

Quisquam · 06/08/2023 07:53

I would say you have one bedroom out of five - you should pay 1/5. It’s not upto you to subsidise their children. Wherever they went on a normal holiday, say a package holiday or villa, they would have to pay for their own bedroom and at least one more for DC. They couldn’t stay in a villa for two, when there’s three or four in the family? Ditto hotels.

MinnieMountain · 06/08/2023 07:52

We normally split per person with parents paying for non-earning DC. DC’s meals are 1/2 an adult before they’re teenagers.
I’d definitely split per person and have the food and excursions conversation now.

Redwinestillfine · 06/08/2023 07:51

Who gets the master bedroom? If it's you and DH I would chip in more but also expect a certain payment for the kids rooms.

Original poster
captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 07:50

It's an all incl villa rental, except for food and petrol costs. We plan to eat out as the area has great dining options, some of them right down the road.

OP posts:
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