Page 5 | Help me do this pl - splitting holiday villa costs

captainmarvella · 2023-08-06T06:25:29+00:00

Morning. Planning a landmark event celebration next year in pool villa in a very sought after destination spot. Bedroom 1 - DH & I Bedroom 2 - Best Friend and her DH Bedroom 3 - Friend's teenaged kids (2) Bedroom 4 - Friend's BIL & his DP Bedroom 5 - Friend's BIL's adult child Villa rental is 3000$ / week. Friend has suggested that each family pays 1000$. I feel grumpy that the split is a threeway when my DH and I will use only one bedroom. But DH says not to make a fuss as it is a long awaited celebratory holiday and by being tight we will cast a shadow over the happy planning stage (we are not rich AT ALL but a bit more financially secure than my friend's or her BIL's family) AIBU in thinking that I should be paying less for the villa rental.

Avatartar · 06/08/2023 08:58

just about being thought of as heartless re BIL, remember money and emotions are separate. Poor BIL is possibly loaded due to his dad bereavement and can afford to pay his share. It’s the unfairness of the proposed £ split for each family not how much you care for others that is the issue here.

gogomoto · 06/08/2023 08:56

By room or by person is fairest, though perhaps the en suites priced higher ... all gets complicated. For eating out of split the food bill by person and the drinks bill by those drinking alcohol in some way, not fair to charge the teens parents an equal share if all the kids have drunk is soft drinks. I'd be tempted to split the drinks 3 ways

CherryMaDeara · 06/08/2023 08:55

MissTrip82 · 06/08/2023 08:52

I think I’d say something along the lines of
’yes I wasn’t sure how to split accommodation whether it should be by room or per person - hadn’t thought of split by family, happy to do that for the villa. For food and outings and so on shall we just pay per person?’

I get why you don’t want to be paying more
for everything but I’d be inclined
to sick up the accommodation cost if you can afford it. You know your friend and know whether they’re a CF or not.

That message is very wish washy and unclear.

Original poster

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:55

Mookie81 · 06/08/2023 08:39

Their children, not the OP's, so they can pay for their room not her!
Stop chatting with your DH about it, it's your friend not his and you're not comfortable so speak up. Clear things up now or it's going to be a rough holiday.

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My friend is my DH's friend too 😟obv not as close, but we socialise whenever we are in the same country. We haven't seen each other since the pandemic so we are looking forward to the holiday.

Also trip planning involves his money too so we always discuss trips together.

OP posts:

Twyford · 06/08/2023 08:55

A split by bedrooms wouldn't be entirely fair given that some don't have en suites. Maybe offer to pay one fifth plus, say, £100?

CherryMaDeara · 06/08/2023 08:55

rosiebl · 06/08/2023 08:00

Sets a precedence for your holiday OP. What if the restaurant bill comes at the end of your first meal and your friend says 'let's split three ways'. You will subsidise every turn if you aren't careful. I would just say something back in the WhatsApp group 'Thank you so much for organising friend. Whilst we are happy to put a little more in the pot for families using two bedrooms, as we are only using one bedroom, surely we shouldn't pay a straight third? How about we pay £800 and you each pay £1100'.

This is a very nice message. If you tell send this message and your friend gets pissed off with you for being a ‘penny pincher’ then she isn’t the friend you thought she was.

meganorks · 06/08/2023 08:54

I'd say split per room - £600 each. To be fair, I probably wouldn't care much as could the £1000. But if you accept splitting 3 ways now without any discussion I bet you will find them doing that the whole holiday. And before you know it, uts cost you an absolute fortune! (eg splitting restaurant bills or supermarket shop bills). So you absolutely should speak up now.

Wheelz46 · 06/08/2023 08:53

We holiday with my siblings every year and I was the last one to have children.

Prior to me having children, we always split the accommodation cost between the adults, which both my partner and I were happy with. How I saw it is, we can't occupy more than 1 bedroom anyway. If there was only 1 ensuite, my siblings always made sure that we got that room.

The overall accommodation cost was still cheaper than us holidaying alone somewhere.

Food costs, we ate out and always paid our own share of the bill, never split it. It was never even suggested to split it either. We all have the same number of children now and even now we pay for what we eat when we go out.

OP if you were to book somewhere that only had enough rooms for the adults to attend without the children, would it be cheaper than the £1000 you are expected to currently pay? I understand where you are coming from though and if one of the party is not happy with it, then the cost should be split by room.

Original poster

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:53

Lougle · 06/08/2023 08:36

No they don't. They get their one room. Their children get the other room.

Perhaps you need to cancel the holiday.

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The holiday is happening, whether we join or not. Friend is the organiser.

OP posts:

MissTrip82 · 06/08/2023 08:52

I think I’d say something along the lines of
’yes I wasn’t sure how to split accommodation whether it should be by room or per person - hadn’t thought of split by family, happy to do that for the villa. For food and outings and so on shall we just pay per person?’

I get why you don’t want to be paying more
for everything but I’d be inclined
to sick up the accommodation cost if you can afford it. You know your friend and know whether they’re a CF or not.

Original poster

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:52

Tracker1234 · 06/08/2023 08:34

I agree you are subsiding the other people so you definitely need to bring this up now. Could you imagine every meal out will be split three ways, every supermarket shop the same!

I honestly don’t know why people think it’s the right way to split and I wonder why your friend thinks like this too?

Yeah it's time to have a conversation with her about this and I am not looking forward to it

OP posts:

Original poster

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:51

MikeRafone · 06/08/2023 08:32

Thus why a split on per person of off spring or child at half price would work out fairer - the children/off spring share communal bathroom and often don’t drink wine at meals etc, so get a cheaper rate but are not free and subsidised by other parties

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Yes I agree... but DH feels this will label us as penny pinchers and sour the event planning. He is full of sympathy for the BIL family, the kid also went into depression after they lost their grandparents.

OP posts:

Kisskiss · 06/08/2023 08:51

You should definitely counter suggest, and asap. Just because your friend suggested first doesn’t make her answer the final one!

someone up post suggested adults count as 1 and kids as half. Which makes loads of sense!

So split 3k by 7.5 and each share is 400. You pay for 2 shares ( 800), your friend for 3 ( 1200) , the last family pay for 2.5 shares (1000)
numbers are round and fair.

she is being a cf tbh and it’s better to nip it in the bud now or u risk paying 1/3 of all food costs during the holiday too. find it weird when people are quick to suggest things that skew in their favour, I would honestly be too embarassed

Original poster

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:49

Lougle · 06/08/2023 08:33

It sounds like your DH is fine with that and you can afford it. Is there a particular reason why you don't want to? You've acknowledged that they are less financially stable than you. Is it a matter of money or principle?

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We are already getting a gift so I don't think on top of that we are also expected to subsidise the holiday. Even if we are more well off than them...

Friend is aware I am buying an expensive gift for the landmark event.

OP posts:

starrynight19 · 06/08/2023 08:47

TheGoodBanana · 06/08/2023 07:38

I think by room sounds fairest but how will that work if some rooms are better than others, en-suite for example or one room is a small box room.

If you can afford the extra then go with the 3 way split but stipulate that you get first choice of the bedrooms.

Yes make sure you get first choice of the room.
Also discuss how bills will be paid for food etc when you get there.

WarmButteryCrumpets · 06/08/2023 08:47

rosiebl · 06/08/2023 08:00

Sets a precedence for your holiday OP. What if the restaurant bill comes at the end of your first meal and your friend says 'let's split three ways'. You will subsidise every turn if you aren't careful. I would just say something back in the WhatsApp group 'Thank you so much for organising friend. Whilst we are happy to put a little more in the pot for families using two bedrooms, as we are only using one bedroom, surely we shouldn't pay a straight third? How about we pay £800 and you each pay £1100'.

This sounds like a pretty good compromise.

If they're cheeky enough to expect you to split the villa three ways they will DEFINITELY do the same when eating out or making a kitty for grocery shopping.

It would make more sense for them to share a villa 50/50 and you and your dh to find a hotel nearby,

VictoriaVenkman · 06/08/2023 08:47

Oysterbabe · 06/08/2023 07:36

I think it should be split equally between the 7 adults.

Agree

CherryMaDeara · 06/08/2023 08:44

nevynevster · 06/08/2023 08:41

So as a compromise why don't you say

Hey everyone, happy to agree to the 3 way split for the rooms but can we agree on a different arrangement for food, drinks etc for the holiday as we are only 2 vs everyone else so why don't we do a kitty and everyone puts in £xx [or whatever arrangement you want]

That way you are agreeing to the split but indirectly making the point around the uneven split and establishing that this can't continue for the holiday

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Not a fair compromise, OP is still subsiding 2 bedrooms for the two families.

CherryMaDeara · 06/08/2023 08:42

sadaboutmycat · 06/08/2023 08:41

I would have a different take on this.

Could you have a villa holiday like this for just you and DH for $1000? If not, I would happily pay it, as them being there is enabling you to do it.
I'd just make it clear that you will not be splitting anything else that way.

OP and her DH wouldn’t need a 5 bed villa if they were going as a couple.

They would find a 1 bed for $1000.

A couple wouldn’t even want a 5 bed villa.

Mumof2teens79 · 06/08/2023 08:41

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 07:56

Not very close to friend's BIL but friendly enough. Quite fond of his kid whenever I dropped in at their place over the years (they all live as a joint family, we are not in UK)

The landmark event is not mine. My husband and I have allocated 500$ as gift for the person who is celebrating the event. The amount is because it is cultural / customary to give gold for this event.

(sorry I can't mention specifics, I don't want this to be too outing)

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OK so it's difficult to answer as you obviously have a different culture to mine.
That's a large gift!

In thus scenario- you have been invited by a friend and they have chosen/arranged then I would say per person is fairer...that way the organiser is paying the most. And then your "gift" offsets that.

That's kind of what gifts are....you arrange a birthday/wedding or other "party" and invite F&F at cost to yourself but then get "gifts" in return.
I don't agree with subsidising/paying to attend a party AND being expected to provide a significant gift...but a holiday is slightly different

nevynevster · 06/08/2023 08:41

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:13

I think this is what my DH means by not making things awkward. He fears if I object vocally to the 3 way split, it will make us appear heartless.

I am very sorry for BIL's DP of course. Does this mean I should pay extra 400$ for this holiday. Where does this stop then? Are we all going to subsidise their food bills also for the week? I think I'm more bothered about the request itself, that we pay 1k $ each for the villa, without private conversation about it.

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So as a compromise why don't you say

Hey everyone, happy to agree to the 3 way split for the rooms but can we agree on a different arrangement for food, drinks etc for the holiday as we are only 2 vs everyone else so why don't we do a kitty and everyone puts in £xx [or whatever arrangement you want]

That way you are agreeing to the split but indirectly making the point around the uneven split and establishing that this can't continue for the holiday

sadaboutmycat · 06/08/2023 08:41

I would have a different take on this.

Could you have a villa holiday like this for just you and DH for $1000? If not, I would happily pay it, as them being there is enabling you to do it.
I'd just make it clear that you will not be splitting anything else that way.

CherryMaDeara · 06/08/2023 08:41

LimeCheesecake · 06/08/2023 08:40

I think you need to private message your friend - just say that while you are ok with subsidising the villa by splitting by 3 rather than splitting by person or by room, you just wanted to check how food bills etc will be split?

But OP’s not ok with splitting the villa cost by 3. It’s not fair to her.

If people can’t afford a holiday then they shouldn’t go.

LimeCheesecake · 06/08/2023 08:40

I think you need to private message your friend - just say that while you are ok with subsidising the villa by splitting by 3 rather than splitting by person or by room, you just wanted to check how food bills etc will be split?

Mookie81 · 06/08/2023 08:39

Lougle · 06/08/2023 08:36

No they don't. They get their one room. Their children get the other room.

Perhaps you need to cancel the holiday.

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Their children, not the OP's, so they can pay for their room not her!
Stop chatting with your DH about it, it's your friend not his and you're not comfortable so speak up. Clear things up now or it's going to be a rough holiday.