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Original poster

Help me do this pl - splitting holiday villa costs

211 replies

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 07:25

Morning. Planning a landmark event celebration next year in pool villa in a very sought after destination spot.

Bedroom 1 - DH & I
Bedroom 2 - Best Friend and her DH
Bedroom 3 - Friend's teenaged kids (2)
Bedroom 4 - Friend's BIL & his DP
Bedroom 5 - Friend's BIL's adult child

Villa rental is 3000$ / week. Friend has suggested that each family pays 1000$.

I feel grumpy that the split is a threeway when my DH and I will use only one bedroom. But DH says not to make a fuss as it is a long awaited celebratory holiday and by being tight we will cast a shadow over the happy planning stage (we are not rich AT ALL but a bit more financially secure than my friend's or her BIL's family)

AIBU in thinking that I should be paying less for the villa rental.

OP posts:
zurala · 06/08/2023 11:00

Great = best

zurala · 06/08/2023 10:59

You need to be clear with her. "ok, but it's not fair to split the costs three ways when we are two people, you are four, and bil is 3, so we need to look at the great way to split the villa and other costs so it's equitable"

You are being wishy washy and a doormat and you will end up resentful and angry.

It's ok to be clear about how you feel and to ask to do it differently. She's not in charge. You need to sort it before anything is booked.

Quisquam · 06/08/2023 10:58

A family using two bedrooms aren't actually getting double the value that you are.

Of course they are! The cottages we stay in - if it’s for two, it’s smaller usually; less seats in the lounge, less seats at the dining room table, less bedrooms and beds, less of everything compared to a cottage catering for four?

ZenNudist · 06/08/2023 10:53

I'd suck it up but I've got the money. Usually the kids get the worse rooms and I think it's fair your friend who organises gets the master. As long as you get a decent room you can agree to not split by room but allocate the 2 points adult one point child (&count the 19yo as child because they are still dependent)

RosesAndHellebores · 06/08/2023 10:41

I'd start saving for therapy and a luxury break for you and your dh now to recover from this holiday. Guests/holiday companions are like fish, they start stinking after three days.

TolkiensFallow · 06/08/2023 10:32

you need to decide what you actually want and suggest that. Suggesting a hotel isn’t actually what you want, you want the split to be by room or person.

personally given the “kids” rooms are so inferior I wouldn’t quibble over it.

however I would suggest a Kitty per head for meals out then you don’t have to do maths and it will work out fairly

Persiana · 06/08/2023 10:31

I would contact the friend separately and ask if the other family and adult child are going to be able to afford the costs of going out/meals out, as you ar conscious that it must be difficult for them seeing as they aren't really contributing to the villa cost. You will struggle to split all the other costs three ways, to feed adult children (it's not like they're little and won't eat much). It gets the point out there that the villa is not an equitable split, and givers her a chance to acknowledge that with you and be a bit more open?

MichelleScarn · 06/08/2023 10:23

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 10:20

My husband said this too, and I have agreed that it is not.

Show quote history

But the 4 adults of best friend her Dh, the bil and partner seem to be happy to do so?

Original poster
captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 10:21

Oblomov23 · 06/08/2023 10:02

The whole thing is a minefield!

My gut feeling says it too, so I am brushing up my boundaries game. I will have to somehow tell my friend firmly but kindly that I cannot subsidise food for the whole week.

OP posts:
Original poster
captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 10:20

Paq · 06/08/2023 10:04

Is it worth souring a friendship for a couple of hundred dollars?

My husband said this too, and I have agreed that it is not.

OP posts:
cansu · 06/08/2023 10:19

Your friends will not go for a hb hotel. I think they will probably just get a smaller villa without you. The hb hotel will cost them thousands more. Decide what you are OK paying and let her know. Also decide whether it is OK with you if it doesn't happen because the finances are not agreed. Otherwise you risk the holiday not happening and there being an unpleasant feeling.

Original poster
captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 10:19

Quitelikeacatslife · 06/08/2023 09:23

As the adults will get the nicer rooms I'd go with 3 way split. However this could be great springboard to say, "even though there is just 2 of us we are happy to pay 1/3 of villa, but can all other costs once we are there be per person?" You can do a kitty or pre load a credit card based on per person input . Teenagers eat and drink a lot , as much if not more than adults.

Friend has replied that hotels are out, as her BIL's DP and child both feel overwhelmed at the thought of a hotel and want the privacy of a villa.

I feel for them, as I am neurodivergent and often shun crowds. I and DH have decided to pay 1/3rd of the villa as friend has suggested in the common whatsapp group. Now it's my turn to write a message asking friend privately about food arrangements and bills.

OP posts:
Paq · 06/08/2023 10:04

Is it worth souring a friendship for a couple of hundred dollars?

Oblomov23 · 06/08/2023 10:02

The whole thing is a minefield!

andweallsingalong · 06/08/2023 09:57

I think I'd suck it up for the villa given its a good price and the "kids" have lesser rooms, but before paying I would be clear that's only if meals and shopping are split per eater.

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 06/08/2023 09:57

We rent a huge cottage. We divide the cost by employed adults.... The ones with no dc pay a food contribution (£10 per day) also then me and dh pay the rest as we have dc.. We never eat out as no real opportunity.. Each pay own ferry costs. Worked out well for a decade!

lionsleepstonight · 06/08/2023 09:55

I'd take the hit on the 3 way split as the adults are getting equal rooms and the kids rooms are inferior.

However, you do need to raise how the rest of the expenses will be split before you go, otherwise you're going to inwardly seeth every time a bill is split 3 ways.

BodegaSushi · 06/08/2023 09:46

Hufflepods · 06/08/2023 07:39

For family and and close friends I would just split it 3 ways. It all balances out with decent people imo. I couldn’t imagine complaining about this. It’s like wanting a £30 discount for a smaller room.

Expect its £400

AnotherEmma · 06/08/2023 09:44

Twyford · 06/08/2023 09:35

If you haven't already sent that, don't. Suggesting that division by three is complicated just makes you sound a bit bonkers plus, as people have said, going to a hotel will be much more expensive - and it sounds as if the villa she's found is lovely. I think it's better so say that the three way split isn't really fair and suggest a fairer split that recognises that the children's rooms are inferior to the others.

Show quote history

Agree with this.

Also agree with PP's suggestion of a kitty for the meals, but with $100 contribution per adult and €60 per teenager. Assuming the teenagers (and I include the 19yo) won't be drinking alcohol with the meals if you're going to the US.

coodawoodashooda · 06/08/2023 09:44

calmcoco · 06/08/2023 08:09

I think you should read this back.

I was going to say I'd split 3 ways before this update but this is also important info as to why they were invited.

I agree with your DH. Sometimes being a people pleaser is a good thing, it means you get along with people and have nice times.

Show quote history

Yeah. This is true

tictactoe1234 · 06/08/2023 09:43

Before I'd even read the whole post I was thinking a cost per room

I still think that now

Marwoodsbigbreak · 06/08/2023 09:43

This situation would spoil the holiday for me.

gettingolderbutcooler · 06/08/2023 09:42

I would think of it this way:
Is £1000 a good deal for you? I mean, would you be happy if you paid this much for a holiday like this off your own bat? If do, pay the money.

But if you would not have paid £1000- or it's too much for your budget- then tell them that it's too expensive for you this way.

coodawoodashooda · 06/08/2023 09:41

GabriellaMontez · 06/08/2023 07:35

Will you be splitting every meal/drinks bill/ shopping bill like this?!!

She's a CF.

Yeah. I could handle one hit but not a holiday of subsidising everyone.

TENDTOprocrastinate · 06/08/2023 09:39

Oh for God sake, stop overthinking it. Split the villa 3 ways. The kids rooms aren’t as nice as the adult rooms.

Ask to split the grocery food shopping per person.
Ask to split the restaurant bill per family (do this when ordering to make it easier for the waiter)

job done.

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