Help me do this pl - splitting holiday villa costs

In which case.....
800 for each en suite
300 each for the other bedrooms

Sadly, OP, I think whatever you and your husband agree this time will set precedence for future holidays.. 🌹

This!

When we have done this holidaying with wider family we have counted the number of adults, then counted each child as one half. Whatever the number tots up to for each family then they pay that fraction of the cost.

We divvyed up the food bills by whoever did the shopping that day putting the receipts (indicating which family had paid) in a bowl. At the end of the holiday we did a similar tot up as above and levelled up what each family had paid.

And as for the appetites of teens, huge.

My 6ft+ slim sons are bottomless pits of food, constantly grazing, snacking, throwing on this or that to eat.

OP, it sounds like your friend is behaving like Billy Big Bollixs and expecting you to partially fund her in laws holiday with her.

Telling you it is a third each first on the group WhatsApp is plain rude.

I would absolutely expect her to say lets divide the bills by 3 too, whilst there.

You either say your peice clearly or suck it up.

You could well come back from this "holiday" stressed out.

The hotel half board would have been the better option but would have been trickier for her to get you to fund.

Its one thing if she had initiated the conversation privately, but the public assumption would grate with me.

If they're teenage boys they will eat and drink far more than the adults

Fairest for me is to divide by 4 & each kids room counts as 1/2 coz not as nice.
So $750 for you and $1125 for the others.

Teenage/Adult kids will eat/drink just as much as adults so definitely need to set boundary now on split of costs.

This is good.

Tbh i can't think of anything worse than going away with a bunch of people I'm not even close enough to to discuss how to share costs. You'll end up paying a third of the dinner each night whilst the teenagers eat like horses.

I'd run a mile

I would just split the villa bill 3 ways. Certainly wouldn't occur to me to split hairs over children's rooms.
However I'd set the expectations over food/drink from the beginning and suggest separate bills.

Don't ask about food, state about what you are happy to do with regards to food.

"We're happy to split the villa three ways but we aren't happy to do that with the food shop and meals out, as there are only two of us and three/four in each of the other family groups. Shall we set up a kitty for food shop per head?"

And I bet they will expect everything to be split 3 ways for the whole holiday

Hope you get a reassurance that the food bills etc won't be split 3 ways. Agree it's probably not worth kicking off about the rooms but definitely worth establishing boundaries on other costs. Good luck!

I can't believe so many are suggesting OP agrees with the three way split! we've been away on a villa holiday with two other families and it was split per person for any person over the age of 2. Why should OP pay for children/teens who aren't even theirs.
I wouldn't allow anyone to pay extra for my children. Wouldn't even enter my head

Whatever you do you need to get everything sorted decided. Otherwise it'll be the same with meals out and food/petrol

Just remember your friend may not be thinking clearly rather than an out and out CF taking advantage.

She wants to do something nice for BIL and his family as they have had a rough time. She thinks (obviously mistakenly) that you would see and feel it in the same way and so unconsciously has lumped you in with her decision making, making decisions for both of you without consultation. So I wouldn't necessarily assign poor motives to her and I think perhaps a gentle reminder that you won't be treating her family throughout the holiday is necessary.

I would suck up the cost of the accommodation, you probably wouldn't find a really nice hotel cheaper. Then as others have said, ask about holiday cost spits. Perhaps suggest that each family gets a separate bill when out. Asking for this at the start of meals will be easy. If you feel like buying a round of drinks/wine for the table you can do that easily by you/your husband asking for it to be put on your bill.
That way you can be generous when you want without feeling taken advantage of.

Thirdly, I would empathise with your friend that she wants to do something nice for her bill's family and ask her if she would prefer money instead of the gift you were thinking of to put towards their holiday.

Split per family, three ways. I agree with your DH.

"Maybe split be 8 people and count the kids as 1 person for example?"

There are 6 adults and 3 teenagers (the 19yo and 2 younger ones), are you saying the 19yo should be counted as an adult and the younger teenagers just half each? But surely even younger teenagers eat as much as adults?! A 19yo will surely not eat twice as much as a 17yo for example.

I'm not sure where you're going to but could you open the discussion maybe by suggesting you order an online delivery for your staple groceries for the villa (the owner should be able to advise if this is possible) and see how they suggest splitting that?

No don’t agree to the 3 way split! Say you are happy to subsidise the kids rooms somewhat as they don’t have ensuites, perhaps £800 for en-suite rooms and £300 for the others, that would be more than generous!

Maybe if you can accept the 3 way split in the villa but make your friend aware upfront that it won't extend to any food costs/meals out as a compromise. I would message your friend something like this:-

Happy to stick to the villa plan if that is the preference and split the cost 3 ways but just wanted to give you a heads up that when it comes to food shopping, meals out etc we would prefer if we can work out an equitable split per person please rather than a straight 3 way split. Maybe split be 8 people and count the kids as 1 person for example?

I Agree with this. I think I would talk to her on the phone, ideally, as these things are always easier when you actually talk. An individual message is better than a group message but a conversation is even better.

You really don't have to split 3 ways just because she suggested it.

i have children myself and I would never expect friends to subsidise them!

This. It should be obvious. 5 bedrooms split by 5.

Also this, and I'd also be negatively wondering is there going to be more of 'its x's special event, let's treat them' and 'bil isn't well off, let's treat them'