Help me do this pl - splitting holiday villa costs

Is it 3 families? You, Best Friend and Friend? Anyway - either way, split by bedroom. $3000/5 is $600 and you pay $600 for every bedroom you use.

In a very similar situation and we split by room. Parents covering cost of young adult children. I think that's fair. Why should non-parents subsidise families with children? I'm the parent of the adult children btw!

How was the holiday if you've been on it already. Hope it went well

Sorry cross posted. Do this!

Except not all the rooms will be the same level of niceness so I would maybe ask to have choice of room?

Glad to see others agree with me and that I am not an antisocial bore!

@ladeluge completely agree, absolutely no interest in sharing space with anyone else's children particularly not teens.

We went away a few years ago and took individual lodges for 4 families for a weekend.
All completely separate and was as close as I would be up for.

A decade ago my friend went with 2 other families to a fabulous large villa.
The families were great friends and the children got on very well.

They survived it, but she said that some of the kids 19-23 were never out of the kitchen and never stopped snacking, and never tidied up after themselves.

They left a mess everywhere they went, wet clothes and towels everywhere.
They were noisy and a bit inconsiderate as they drank late etc and meal times were challenging with lots of different requirements.

She is a tremendous cook so felt like she was handed the food co ordinator role without any consultation.
She didn't stay silent, but she wanted to remain friends and being diplomatic took a lot out of her.

She ended thinking it was a very expensive holiday for a bit of a frat house experience.

What she thought would be great fun ended up being exhausting.

They wanted to do it again but she declined.

They have done the individual family cottages thing though since successfully.

Agree with @ladeluge, esp re the family unit aspect when you're basically now joining and subsidising their family holiday.

Although BiL’s 19 yo child should count as an adult!! - of course! That is part of the formula - everyone able to vote is counted as an adult.

I'm thinking also that a night or two away in a swanky hotel for the adults only (minus kids and 19yr old) with a celebration dinner, everyone has their own room, etc. would be the dream way to mark this occasion. Easy to split costs per couple, and the privacy of your own space.

There is no way I would share a villa/cottage/house etc. with anyone other than my own little family unit. Nope.

I would perhaps suck up the three way split of villa costs - but make it clear at the same time that this is a concession.

And that you expect food shopping and meals put etc to be split according to family group size, so Friend pays for 4/9ths, BIL pays for 3/9ths and you pay for 2/9ths. Alcoholic drinks paid for by the number of people imbibing (teens may not but adult DC may, for example).

And same for any outings etc - each family group pays for their own costs.

Well I don't think you can divide accommodation cost by room, as it sounds like there are three good rooms and two poor rooms, so unless you're prepared to draw straws I don't think it's fair for them to pay as much for the poor rooms as for the good rooms. If the kids aren't drinking, then dividing the restaurant bills per person means that they'll be subsidising your drink costs, so perhaps that would balance out what you've subsidised for their rooms over the week?

When we have done this holidaying with wider family we have counted the number of adults, then counted each child as one half. Whatever the number tots up to for each family then they pay that fraction of the cost.

Although BiL’s 19 yo child should count as an adult!!

I can hear the tinkling laughter, the noise of kids, the splashing in the pool, the (heated) discussions over where to eat out, the mish mash of paying for "communal" stuff including meals. Towels and clothes all over the place, kitchen in a (teenage) blitz, and so on...OMG.

I am just letting off my own steam here so have no solutions apart from nailing down the holiday expenses from the start - I'd suck it up and split three ways for accommodation, but not for everything else I'm afraid.

My family is very close and united. We have NEVER gone on holiday together, same with friends. That's why we are still a close family, and we still have our friends!

How awkward.

You could wait and see what BIL family says. Perhaps they might point out the obvious discrepancy.
At this point you could graciously agree to split into 3, but say can you do meals and food per person.

Well this is awkward. It sounds mostly as if the celebration is very much for the other side of the family and the family members are all that side as well.

I would personally prefer a fair split per bedroom so that the families stump up the amount it costs - and then treat them to a meal, something completely separate from being made to pay a third.

What will happen when you go out to eat, will be you paying thirds then too, when there are so many more people present?

Definitely needs to be defined and sorted out now. Has your husband said yes to this plan already, to your family, I mean?

Think of it the other way, would you ever proffer that your family subsidises your holiday? If you can afford it and want to do that then obviously it's fine - but it shouldn't just be assumed otherwise why are you there? To prop up the family financially or celebrate with them? Very different prospect indeed.

If you're happy to suck up the villa split fine but the food needs done per person.

In this case it really does need to be per room.

This. It is only the start. You’ll be subsidising their holiday from start to finish.

I would be happy to split the villa 3 ways.
I would also say that food and meals should be split by family.

Your friend is not understanding that you are subsidising their holiday. The same will go for food. She will see there are three families so split of three ways . Often happens in certain cultures. Best nip it in the bud

Or how about this for a twist. Pay the full 3K yourselves and then you won’t resent them 🤣🤣

You miss the fact that every villa guest gets that benefit and the two other groups are larger. By your logic OP would pay a 2/7 share of the costs.

Just to point out that teenagers (especially boys from my experience) can eat more than adults. I would be wary of food bills being split in 3.

Our ds eats more than either my husband or I. He's not greedy just growing and does a lot of sport!

I think you need to be wary here. If I were one of the other parties in the WhatsApp and a 3-way split had been suggested, I would chime in that it's not fair and suggest a more proportionate split (as many of us on here would). If they haven't done this (and they have seen the messages), then you can bank on BIL and his DP being CFs and expecting you and DH to bankroll them and their son. They are already dictating that it will be a villa holiday, they are not negotiating. Just keep your CF antenna on.