When one partner wants more/any children, but the other doesn't.

If they remain together, then the conversation of sterilisation should happen.
Not "I'm going to stop taking my birth control because I want a baby, deal with it".

Why is that irresponsible? It wasn’t suggested she has an ‘oops’.

If the man doesn’t want to procreate why is it the woman’s responsibility to ensure it doesn’t happen? He’s her partner not her dependent.

YANBU to be upset. Would you and DH consider marriage guidance counselling so you can talk about your feelings in a safe space?

Yet she can easily go off and do the same? Why try to force his hand into have a child he doesn't want when she can tell him it's a deal breaker and have a child with a willing participant?
Your post isn't making much sense?
Unless you think the OP should trick him?

@WeeWillyWinkie9 can you link to the research that you're referring to?

You are correct, lots of factors come into it. Lots of the problems and stresses that come with raising kids is through lack of money though. You can't raise kids on love alone.
Your finances could be ok now but we are in a cost of living crisis, jobs aren't guaranteed, food and fuel prices are sky rocketing and housing isn't stable but sure money isn't everything....
Maybe the OPs DH wants to keep more of the lifestyle they have?

I agree with this. There are plenty of situations in life where one person has more control than the other (ie a man doesn’t have the final say over whether to continue with a pregnancy), it’s just part and parcel of life.

It’s tough OP as feelings of broodiness can be intense but I agree with your stance of not wanting to give an ultimatum. That’s not a healthy way to manage a relationship and could backfire on you further down the line. Imagine a kid finding out they were only here because their mum forced the option on their dad?!

Icedlatte has a point and I've read it on here before. OP seems to have got a hard time here. I don't think she has said how old her and her partner are so perhaps there is more to the story. But someone should have a vestectomy why should OP come to the relisation and acceptance of sticking at 1 DC and the man has the freedom of going off with another woman and having more DC? (It happens).

I think where kids are concerned. You. It's have to want the same thing. It's one thing if he's passive but if ha really adamant no more then you have to respect that, just as you would expect him to respect you if you felt that way.

Did you not discuss this before marriage or before having dc1?

Kids aren't a commodity. They arent to be produced to support their siblings or provide a friend. They are unique from each other and need to be considered that way.

That is the fastest way to become a single parent.
How fucking irresponsible.

Also it's not just about money. There's more to consider than that.

The usual bizarre, offensive and outdated attitudes towards one-child families being trotted out, I see. 🙄

OP, this is an intractable problem I’m afraid. You can’t force him to want another child and he can’t force you not to want one. Either you make your peace with it, or you leave him and have a child with someone else (bearing in mind the obvious negative effects this will have on your existing child).

I think your husband is being a selfish dick forcing your child to grow up without siblings when you can easily afford another child.

You can be a content only child you know. I am and I'd sooner have colonic irrigation with a cheese grater than have some of the people I've known as siblings, including a family friend's sibling who when their parents died, conspired with another sibling to cheat said friend out of tens of thousands.

*Personally and very possibly a very unpopular opinion on MN;

I find it very selfish to deny a child a sibling relationship if you have had the benefit of one.

I'm an only child. I'm now forty and navigating a widowed mum in rather poor health who is now my sole responsibility.
I love her so much and she is a lovely mum and grandmother but she is going to have to live with me very soon and ther eis nobody to share my worries and sadness with.*

Don't be ridiculous. You do know that siblings are not always a benefit, that some are actively detrimental to their sibling, for a variety of reasons, and that having a sibling is far from a guarantee of help. A sibling could also require care. Of course it's great if you have others who are willing and able to help but care tends to fall upon one person imo(Usually female, eldest or the person living closest). My Mother didn't have help from hers when looking after her parents. That is extremely common. Also even if you do have help if you all want very different things, care home vs care at home, then that can be another battle.

I'm an only and I've been a carer for family 3x now. It was incredibly hard but I'd find it even harder if I had a sibling who could help but didn't and that ime is very common.

Why would you think having another child would stop your child be lonely? Me and my sibling have never got on - we made our mum's life a misery and I was extremely lonely very frequently as we lived in an isolated place. As adults we barely speak. DS is an only, it's been wonderful and he has never ever been lonely. Your child can make loads of friends as nursery/school and you can have them round to play all the time without having any other children to juggle and so they can be super sociable.

If you want more children then you have every right to leave the marriage and have more children. You coercing him into having another child that he didn't want would be abusive and potentially very damaging to the child. The person who doesn't want another child always has to take precedence in this situation.

Most women who have sorted if have said fine bit I'm not taking any responsibility for contraceptive prevention as I still want kids. Its all then on the man.Amazing how often the family then grows.

That said if he then books himself in for a vasectomy there really do have to accept him at his word.

Since they finally decided women's fertility was worth investigating and they found minimal differences and no cliff edge.

I think your husband is being a selfish dick forcing your child to grow up without siblings when you can easily afford another child.

I think the OP is being selfish trying to force another child into the world when she could use her finances on her existing child and give them a better quality of life. Rather than pressure her DH into something he doesn't want and have less because society tells us that kids need siblings, only children are lonely children and all the rest of the bullshit.

I love how everyone also assumes a second child will automatically become a play mate for the first too. Not all siblings get along together and become besties.
They may grow together in time but it's not guaranteed and that alone is a stupid reason to have a second child.
Financial concerns are genuine worries. (Moving home, upgrading a car, buying new baby equipment etc)

To clarify: if a man doesn’t want children, or wants an usually tiny family, that’s his prerogative. But he should discuss these things with his wife to be, before marrying her, just as you shouldn’t marry someone assuming that they’re happy to convert to your religion, or move to your home country. Marriage is fundamentally about having children, that’s why all the laws and traditions around it were created, and if one of the people getting married isn’t up for having a family then they ought to be extremely clear about that before the other partner commits.

Having a child you don't want is hugely damaging to that child.

When couples have these issues they think about I want a child v you don't want a child when really the focus should be is it fair on any future child to actively plan to conceive when only one parent wants to. What will that child's life be like. Can it be guaranteed that the parent who didn't want them will come round? What if they don't? What if they treat the child they didn't want unfairly?

Sorry, I can see why you’d be upset but it’s right that both partners have to want a child. Otherwise you end up bringing someone into the world on a very shaky foundation and potentially influencing their own life. It’s not just about the parent, you have to put the children (the potential new one and your existing child) first.

You do have some agency, which is to have another child with someone else. I appreciate that’s not a really great choice but it is there to be weighed up.

If he’s otherwise a good partner/ dad I think you need to try to get to the heart of why he’s against it, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with only wanting one child.

This.

I think your husband is being a selfish dick forcing your child to grow up without siblings when you can easily afford another child.

What this is really about is your husband not wanting to go through the baby years again and have less sex/sleep and not being the wife’s priority anymore, etc.

I think understanding the real reason he doesn't want more children will help, could it be he's struggled for he past two years, he misses how you both were before etc. I'd try and get him to open up about it a bit more. I agree with PP that it doesn't seem to be about control as ideally you should both be on the same page about wanting more.

Difficult situation. I do think if you have another child then you would have to take full responsibility. Having a baby and a toddler is no pleasure cruise. Would you be prepared to be the one getting up every night with the baby whilst your dh lies in bed? Would you be prepared to take the hit to your career having to take time off when your dc is sick or needs looking after?
Having 2 is hard work. Your dh has the right to say he doesn’t want another child. It won’t make things easier for you but I believe many, many men go along with having a child just to please their oh.
Maybe don’t discuss it for the next 6 months then raise the subject again after you have both had more time.