To explain to you how OCD feels

Hey @Zerodarkforty happy to still chat. Still have ocd of course. Are you ok?

Is anyone still on this that would like to chat?

Hi all! For anyone unsure if they have ocd please speak to your gp for a formal diagnosis! There is help out there once diagnosed. @GlitterBall91 sorry your daughter is also going through this! But it is not your fault!

I'm really shocked to hear that this is classed as OCD. I had this for years and years before I had children and put it down to general anxiety. I used to have an inner voice telling me on repeat that I was boring and to stop talking which ended two relationships as I was so nervous about talking. I was also terrified of someone beheading me. I would go into a complete panic if anyone walked or stood behind me. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and have been on citalopram for the last 12 years and haven't had them since I started it.

I'm so sorry to hear of everyone that is going through this, it is truly horrendous.

I cant believe that intrusive thoughts like this are OCD. I'm absolutely gob smacked

Ever since becoming a parent I have daily intrusive thoughts that my children have died in their sleep, died at school. I see their funerals, see their little lifeless bodies. I try to push these thoughts away but it's very very difficult. Up until they were both around 4 and 5 I used to wake up every morning panicked that I'd go into their room to blue faces. I put this down to my first baby dying and having to attend his funeral,

One of my children is only 8 and I have a constant awful picture of them ending their own life when their older and it haunts me. I hate it. I have many more intrusive thoughts but the ones about my children are the worst.

I'm in shock this is so common and theres a name for it

My DD (6) is struggling with OCD, it’s taking over our lives. I feel so guilty as I was diagnosed in my teens and was determined when she was born to make a change and it let it affect her (and generally day to day I don’t show any ocd behaviours around her, never have) but some how it has worn off and I’ve passed it on to her too 😢

on another note re our own behaviours- I’ve done the classic retracing my journey in a car to make sure I haven’t ran anyone over and not noticed.. confessed to cheating on my boyfriend even though I didn’t because I’d created a false memory and convinced myself it was true) luckily he knew me well enough to know it was ridiculous - he’d been with me the entire time) .. carrying out time consuming rituals to protect family members... amongst other things x

Sorry am having keyboard issues! OCD UK will have advice about getting NHS help, please try ringing them

@MapelMoon OCD uk wi have device do you on how tooted for NHS help, see try ringing or emailing them

Hey @MapelMoon absolutely anything and everything! Blame and torture myself riddled with guilt and anxiety. About my son, losing my dog all of it! It's defo not normal but I guess it is for us

Oh no @Helplessandheartbroke do you mind me asking what the theme of your thoughts are now? Absolutely no worries if you'd rather not share.

To be honest, I don't think I am managing them really. I think being busy helps maybe? I have been on a waiting list for NHS help for so long that I've given up a little bit. Like I've just resigned to the fact that it is just who I am. I think this thread has reminded me it isn't normal though. I am just exhausted with fighting everyday in my own brain.

@MapelMoon mine have definitely shifted too the 'cheating' one was over 10 years ago. I think I'd rather have those thoughts than the ones I have now! How are you managing your thoughts? Have you considered help?

Sorry to hear you've experienced that too @Helplessandheartbroke . I don't get these particular thoughts anymore, which I'm really thankful for. I read a book called 'overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts' which helped a lot at that time.

I think because I'm in a different phase of life now my OCD thoughts patterns have shifted. Now they are all about death and horrible things happening. I have no idea how to stop these ones.

@MapelMoon been there too! After a very drunken night out convinced myself and my partner I must have cheated because I didn't remember walking home. No evidence to support this what so ever! Do you still struggle now?

@WouldRatherBeAPieceOftToast I can't tell you how helpful you've been! And already you understand me a lot! I've even emailed the vets tonight to ask for a call because I need reassurance I couldn't have done more etc I'm in so much pain right now

I totally second @Question10's advice. Have a pseudonym account on Instagram to keep you grounded and remember it's not just you. The worst thoughts with OCD are the ones that are so bad you think you can't tell anyone in case they judge you forever. But those are the ones that keep you prisoner, that's how they work.

For me, being around nature as much as possible, long walks even when the weather is crap, helps.

I empathise with the number 6 thing. For me it was I had to do something utterly pointless a certain number of times or something bad would happen. One good strategy I found for this is, most people do this (bargaining) to some extent, like a lucky number/pants/superstitions. When you think about it that way you can maybe rationalise it and rein it in? I still get agitated when I see one magpie before midday even though I consider myself "better".

Also, I found the "what if?" strategy worked. Like, what if you had done the thing you feared. Even if the "what if" is bad, for me it would often help to follow it to the conclusion. I'll do the jail time/have to find another job/apologise/accept the public humiliation etc. It would just stop it spiralling as an unknown. Accept the what if and stop the thought having power over you.

I have made some assumptions about the nature of your OCD but I hope some of this is of use.

I rarely have the thoughts I described now. If I do, a bad hangover or sleepless night is usually in the background.

I relate to so much of this. In my 20s I would convince myself I had cheated on my boyfriend when I had not. I would be completely consumed by these thoughts of what I thought I had done or hadn't remembered. I would check all my texts and messages to reassure myself. I would even speak to him about it and apologise for something I hadn't done, it was so strange. I think reassurance seeking was my compulsion. It happened with my next boyfriend too and ate me up inside. I felt so guilty as if I had cheated when, in reality, I am the last person who would do so. I stopped going out for fun and stopped talking to men - all my own doing. It was such a relief to find out about Pure OCD many years later, I thought I was the only person in the world who accused themselves of awful things I hadn't done.

I am now in my 30s and my intrusive thoughts have shifted to imagining awful things happening throughout the day (mainly involving my loved ones) - it is like a Final Destination marathon in my head daily. I had come to just see that as normal and part of who I am but this thread is reminding me that it actually is something I probably need help with.

I am sorry so many of you are struggling.

@Ahostofgoldendaffodils it certainly is! Again thank you for commenting though. I didn't expect such helpful responses when I commented earlier. If you want to discuss anything let us know x

@Helplessandheartbroke , just realising that this was an old thread! Hopefully my story will help. It really is a vile mental health illness. Very misunderstood too but there is help. X

@Ahostofgoldendaffodils not sure if the op is still on but welcome! So good to hear your now doing well!

Hi OP, I’ve lived with OCD for many years now and have been on sertraline for over 15 years. It saved my life.. It’s given me my life back. I started having intrusive thoughts 15 years ago. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. The anxiety associated with these was immense. I couldn’t sleep, eat or function. Due to the gravity of the thoughts, thoughts similar to yours, I was a mess. I went to my gp and was referred for cbt. I had the most understanding and wonderful counsellor who straightened me out. My GP started me on sertraline. I had wobbles for the first few years but feel like I’m managing well. I will probably be on sertraline for the rest of my life, I’m 47. I have a yearly review with my GP and he has said that if I need them for ever then that’s fine. I know that I couldn’t cope without them. Even the thought gives me shivers.
OCD is a horrible illness. I was suicidal. I couldn’t believe that I was having the thoughts I was having. My counsellor gave me some good advice which I have always carried with me. He said that my reaction to the thoughts, the fact that I was so distressed, even suicidal about them, was evidence to show that I would never act on them as they appalled me so much. Please allow these words to comfort you too. Please get all the help you need. X

@Sunflower8848 thank you! I'll have a look at apps. What kind of group do you attend?

I’ve found Mindfulness really helps my OCD. I go to a group once a week and then each night do an app (Calm or Headpsace). I also found Pilates and yoga helped with lowering the anxiety.

@Question10 you're absolutely right my thoughts and feelings are so much worse on the days I've only had 3 hours sleep! I will look at Instagram. Thank you so much!

@WouldRatherBeAPieceOftToast thank you so much for sharing! Amd for your condolences, I think my bereavement has sent me over the edge these last couple of weeks. And now you have none of those thoughts? Some of mine are similar there's some I will share but some I won't tell anyone as I'm sure you can understand.

As a child I would switch light switches on and off 6 times because I hated the number 6 and thought I had the devil in me!

As an adult I can relate to the worrying you've ran someone over and not noticed! This has happened to me twice this winter with the dark mornings! I obsessed over a bump my son had on his head that I didn't get checked out right away. My latest is obsessing over my dog and if we did the right thing by him and knowing I could have done more and having myself for not doing so. Hindsight is a wonderful thing....

I am happily married been together over 11 years but I do wish he understood ocd...

No worries! The sleep deprivation is not going to help your anxiety levels. Keep that in mind also. Even if you can’t do much about it, it’s worth keeping in mind that it will be especially bad if you are sleep deprived.

I recommend you set up an Instagram page so you can access some advice accounts on this. There are a few with some amazing advice and also solidarity with others. I think it helps knowing it isn’t “just you”.
Wishing you all the best

@Helplessandheartbroke I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. My cat is nearly 21 and I just dread that day.

SSRIs are a class of antidepressant, fluoxetine is one. I was on sertraline and I found it did help. It will be different for everyone though obviously. They can take a fair few weeks to work.

Are you able to talk about the nature of your thoughts? When I was a kid, I worried about the gas being left on and things like that and needed to check everything was safe. For context, my father had an addiction issue. We had a flat roof and, this sounds so ridiculous, but I got preoccupied about whether the family dog would walk over the edge of the roof if he was put on it.

As an adult my OCD thoughts included:

• partners being paedophiles
• ran over someone/hit someone with car but didn't notice
• slept with someone under influence of alcohol
• contracted HIV because someone was bleeding in a pub 20 feet away from me
• fears I would push someone over in a wheelchair/call someone a racist name

I can only talk about my own experience but when the thoughts were worst, I was in a relationship that wasn't right for me. When I moved on from that the thoughts started to drop away. I know it's not that simple for everyone and I didn't even make the connection at the time. I was heading for marriage/a lifetime with someone who wasn't right for me and it was like the anxiety was coming out in those thoughts.