Parents sleeping in living room so child can have own room

Doing this is a really good idea. You could have it as your bedroom though and a living room of sorts during the day. Alternatively you dual purpose the largest bedroom and have that as your room.

You could also use a curtain between the furniture as an entrance and tack the curtains along the full length of the kallax. An alternative to the kallax would be an office divider. These come in 1600 wide x 1800 high.

Also have a look at this link for a nifty way to divide a room into 2. If you’re serious about staying in the house for a while, the investment could be worth it. Idk how handy you and your dh are. You could make a real bedroom with this in the living room rather than adding a sleeper above. If you needed to attach it to the wall, you would need permission from the landlord. There probably is a way to make it without that. How amenable is the landlord?

https://www.dezeen.com/2015/04/19/plywood-partitions-rooms-within-rooms-barcelona-apartments-2-dwellings-tamarit-st-carles-enrich-gimenez/

Otherwise, I also think the bed in the kitchen could work until your kids are older and able to sleep in a caravan outside. Your dd could study in your bedroom, be on FaceTime to friends etc in your room and nap during the day as teens sometimes do. I imagine she’d like sleepovers occasionally so you and your dh could give her your room for that time etc.

I would be going all out to make this work tbh. Your 15 yo is probably really stressed too. She also needs her space rather than to be worrying about how her behaviour could be negatively impacting her 13 yo sister.

You have no idea if OP has fallen on hard time, shit happens. Op could have lived in a mansion when her kids were young, illness and or redundancy could have have resulted in having to sell everything or repossession. Op and her husband could have been living very comfortably overseas, but had to return because of elderly parents needing help, you have absolutely no idea why op is her current position.

Op we live in a very small cottage, it's a nightmare on many levels, but we're lucky in having a really good sized garden. Last year we put in a garden shed, (it's more summer house really) but it's properly insulted and wired and now dd whose autistic 'lives' there, she absolutely loves it. So if this is an option I'd go go for this, dd loves the fact she can have her friends to stay over (she doesn't have many friends as her autism really impacts her social and sensory areas the greatest) but her friends are similar to her and quite quirky, and I think they love having that bit of freedom and independence. It also means she doesn't have to cope with kitchen smells (she really hated any cooking smells wafting up through the rafters), she also struggled if I had the radio on in the kitchen and the TV was going in the living room, it was just hearing overload (I struggled with understanding this because she'd play her music so LOUD!) so the cabin in the garden has resolved all of these issues.

It sounds tough. I don't think you and DH moving to the living room is the solution. That will just cause more stress which I'm sure neither of you need right now.

Can you get DD13 a more enclosed bed. Like a bunk bed with a curtain across the lower one so she can block out the view of her sister while she's in it and the top she can use as "her" space. I'm trying to think what would have helped me as an ASD girl at that age. That cosy den feeling would have helped me relax.

Meanwhile, you or DH can do weekly room checks to make DD15 sort out any crap she has left around.

How patronising.

Heaven forbid they've had a change of circumstances since having a 4th child! It's too late to send one back now!

Depends on your 15 year old but I would imagine she had quite a lot on her plate sharing with a suicidal autistic younger sibling. Sometimes teens' rooms are messy because they can't manage or get overwhelmed (we have other autistic DC, my eldest is not diagnosed but she gets very distressed by being utterly unable to keep her room looking anything other than a bomb site). Obviously you know your DD1 best but you might get a better outcome going in very gently and giving a lot of scaffolding with her than laying down the law.

If you were to move downstairs, you'd be spending time every single morning and night converting the room. How about mentally taking that time and investing it in helping the 2 of them make that bedroom work? Not forever. Try to find ways to give them space from each other, eg you have a TV/games console in your room and in the evening it's used as a bolt hole for whoever needs it, or there's a rota. Divide the spaces in your house up by time and give people privacy that way rather than everyone having their own space 24/7.

Do you have gas or electric cooker op? You know you'd need to have the gas capped in any room someone sleeps in? Same for the living room

In social housing this would be a breech of tenancy, not sure in private. But also seems the best way of making DD feel like she's not really wanted any more and life would be better if she moved out

I watched a show on Netflix recently called "Hack my Home" where they did a few innovative solutions for shared rooms for kids. Obviously they were able to make more structural changes that wouldn't be possible for you (and went a bit pricey with custom solutions) but you might get some ideas that you can do less extravagantly. IKEA also often have design ideas for small multifunctional rooms.

I'm sorry that things are tough and I hope you can get a solution that meets everyone's needs.

I'm finding that decluttering is helping to keep spaces more manageable in my home at the moment and reduces agro between the kids. With so many people in a small space, anything that you aren't using/loving in this season of life really needs to go because space is at a premium. And organisation tips could help like putting a bin right where DD15 puts rubbish so it's easier to put it in the bin than stash it

You are doing the best you can in a tough situation. Mind mapping the different possibilities - even out of the box ones like moving to a different area, or even to a different three bedroom but where room sizes/shapes suit division better etc and looking at the floor plan together might help.

I'd consider moving into the living room if it was just me, but it's harder as a couple I think

I remember several of my friends having their parents bed in the livignroom with some type of curtain in front. Same with a few of my colleagues, not even the same health concerns bur want twhir kids to have their own space. I think in a case like this it's the best solution

Could you put a dd in the box bedroom, 2 boys in the larger room (bunk beds) with possibly a trundle bed that you/your husband sleep on? And then the other room perhaps you and your daughter?

he says its not right that we dont have a room of our own when the kids can share and it just is completely unacceptable
Tell him it's not right that you haveore kids than you can adequately accommodate sleep-wise and it just is completely unacceptable.

I can't imagine how stressful this is, but your husband is not a dick for wanting his own space.

Is there really no option to move house, ever?

Get a screen to divide the room.

Forbid eating in the room. Insist on dirty laundry going in a basket.

Make DD15 live like a civilised human being. You're doing nobody any favours by allowing her to create a pigsty.

A thought - is DD15 possibly on the spectrum too? Maybe ADD?

I will get flamed for this, but I really don't care.

I can't imagine working full time and then coming back home to not have my own room (forced to sleep in living room), how demeaning.. No room to relax and rewind. Everyone needs their own space, especially as a teenager but doesn't mean adults should get neglected. You shouldn't have had 4 kids either if you couldn't accommodate a house big enough for them. You can't make changes to the house you're in as it's rented. On top of that, you're helping someone else pay off their mortgage. What a pickle!

I agree, it's very selfish and indulgent aswell.

I like the idea of the double bed under, with a single bunk above in your room. Ds can sleep on the top single but hang out in his brothers side of the split room during the day. Dd13 in the small room.

or dd15 on a high sleeper in the kitchen with storage underneath and a curtain for privacy. It’s better a collapsible table and chairs in the lounge than you and dh.

Leave everyone where they are and get a shed/garden room as an extra living space where DD13 can be outside of bedtimes. I honestly don't think it will be good for anyone to be sleeping in the living area/kitchen spaces.

Agree that your biggest room could easily be divided into two areas each the size of the current box room.

Definitely girls own rooms. Yr dh is being selfish