Parents sleeping in living room so child can have own room

As the messy DD is causing the issue, I would move her into the living room, single bed in the corner of the room. A couple of storage boxes for things, If she can't keep her area tidy, remove the opportunity to be messy. The boys get bigger room, other DD in box room.

There you go, OP. Return a couple of your children. Problem solved. Thank goodness for Mumsnet!

Yup, so many people seem to be having kids when they cannot accommodate their needs. On top of it, living in a rented house meaning not many changes they can make..

Where in OP does it say that or are you writing a story to fit your agenda?

shouldn't you give up your room because at the end of the day you and dh decided to have 4 children and ended up in a house too small to accommodate them all? i realise life can be unexpected etc but 4 children is a lot and without guaranteed security was a risk. imho children should be put first when it's the parents who have made all the decisions that have led to this scenario, why should you and dh put yourselves first when at the end of the day this was not your children's fault. sorry this is harsh but i really don't understand people having such big families when they really don't know if they are going to be able to afford it. if it goes wrong children should come first.

Go to sleep then!

I think I'd move the older girl down stairs.

Give her something like 4 weeks and if she doesn't clean up her act she has to move down stairs.

Swap the boys' and younger DD's rooms.

I don't think the answer is for you and DH give up your room. I think you did who behaves in disgusting ways putting old boxes in cupboards and leaving dirty smelly washing about has to be made to clean her act up. I'd start by removing all pocket money and instead they can all earn money for good behaviour and jobs completed. One of things you could do is buy DD a large laundry basket and her job daily is to put dirty washing in it and bring down next to the machine. If she achieves this then gains some pocket money if she refuses then she doesn't gain pocket money. I'd have a list of jobs stuck on the fridge and a monetary value attached to each. The DC decide what they want to do to earn money.

I would t give up your bedroom. I would institute new nightly routines with your 15 year old that include you helping her tidy her things away and reset the room daily. I'd try one of those tent canopy things over the 13 year olds bed to give her some privacy without losing space. If the 7 year old is still struggling to sleep alone it sounds like there may be quite a lot of neurodiversity floating around.

Of course you should do that. She tried to kill herself? Wtf is dad thinking.

A insulated and wired garden room costs in the thousands. Not really practical in a rental you could be asked to leave and surely if OP had that money she could rent a more appropriate property

There doesn’t seem to be an alternate rooming combination that will solve all of your problems, so why not tackle the easier to solve issues first. Get on your oldest DD constantly to pick up after herself, and you and your DH can be vigilant about going into their room a few times a day to check for any food, dirty laundry, etc. that needs cleaning out. Play the role as cleaner, as unappealing as that may be for a 15 year old. Buy younger DD a de-odorizing ozone spray or a scented spray to help mask any unpleasant odors. If older DD needs more storage solutions, buy them.

It might involve more work for everyone, but if it can keep everyone in proper bedrooms, it’ll be worth the effort.

You can't have the boy sharing with his sister past ten

Don't put the 15 y with the 11y

I agree with your DH. Unless there is no choice, patents should have their own bedroom.

This is what I’d do!

If you did @Tiredtoday0 suggestion with the kallax as a room divider - you could get creative with Ikea LOTS mirrors as a backing - they fit the exact space and can be held in place with some L shape brackets in each section- the side which has the least light could benefit or to make a bit of both sides seem larger you could have the storage for one side at the top and the other side at the bottom or half one side top to bottom and half opening in the other "room" side and use the mirrors as backing on the sides which don't get opened

Storage beds can also be handy for space saving in a small room - personally I'd be tempted to do another ikea hack and make bed frames over drawers or kallax again- 2 drawers with a bed frame and some supports added pushed against the wall

You could add individual lights each side also for zoning their spaces

Good post @Justanything86 .

I think you can do a lot of good just by showing them that you are taking whatever steps you reasonably can. They need to know their feelings matter to you, and they need to feel they are being listened to and treated fairly. If a bedroom each is possible then great, but it's often not going to be for kids in bigger families and there's no harm done as long as they know it's "can't" rather than "won't" on your part. See if any of them have any good ideas. Something like an extra TV and Netflix, or noise cancelling headphones, can really help.

I wouldn't go too mad on extra furniture - really you want as little as possible, to leave as much space as you can for all the people. A bed with a few cushions works perfectly well as a sofa for a couple of hours.

I really feel for you OP and well done for considering all the suggestions (even the dafter ones).

Definitely explore Council and Housing Association properties. Other houses to rent in your budget might have a more adaptable layout - living room more separate, no fitted wardrobes, huge cupboard understairs, loft space, garage etc. Rethinking who shares rooms might also work, as you or DH currently sleeps with your youngest anyway - one DD with you, DH and boys together and other DD in the boxroom. Finally, do you have any family close by with space for (probably) DD15 to move in?

It's important that you and DH are together on this because your family don't need more stress

Oh deary me...and yawn...

I have two children with asd , who were sharing a room last year as we only had a 2 bedroom house and I was trying to move to a 3 bedroom . My dd was really struggling sharing a room and was wearing ear defenders constantly . They were constantly arguing and was causing her to have meltdowns . My husband and I decided to sleep downstairs in the living room and give dc their own rooms . We bought a decent sofa bed from dfs which came with a proper bed mattress . I can say it was the best decision we made as it really did help . She stopped wearing ear defenders especially when going to sleep . luckily a few months later we moved to a 3 bedroom house . I would do it if she’s finding it hard to share

If it works for you - then you should do it. It doesn't really matter what floor your bedroom is located on. Once you shut the door it could be anywhere.

Dh and I moved downstairs. 3 kids in a 3 bedroom semi was never going to work for us. We moved into the back room downstairs. The front room was our living room and the kitchen was big enough for a table so we didn't need or use the back room for anything much.
It worked well. I liked being on the ground floor, it was nice having a bedroom on a separate floor to the kids.

We've just moved house and me and DH still don't have the en-suite master bedroom Our last remaining DC at home has that - we are up 3 flights of stairs in the loft. I have no idea why - I think we just like our own space away from the other bedrooms.

Op this sounds exactly like my sister and I at that age. I have adhd and she is waiting to be assessed for adhd and asd.

Respectfully I think your husband is right. Both of your daughters will presumably have relationships or live with other people when they are older and will need to learn to deal with some irritation from others. I was always very messy but I needed to try and manage it to help my sister. Equally she needed to learn not to have meltdowns if things weren't exactly to her liking. They will both cope for another couple of years and it will help them long term.

I do object to the people talking about punishing your elder daughter. If she has adhd it won't be as easy to just 'stop being messy' and if you really push it you'll end up with two extremely upset and stressed children. They both need to be reaching middle ground with a little help on managing feelings / organisation from you.

Your downstairs layout means that it won't be practical for you and DH to move down there. It's totally normal for siblings to share rooms and only on MN do people insist that teens cannot possibly share. Maybe you could let dd13 hang out in your bedroom (or build an outdoor shed) during the day so she has somewhere to retreat to if she wants some peace. But then she always returns to hers and her sister's bedroom to sleep in. There's also clever ways to partition rooms if you look online.

Kids need a bedroom as their space - you really don’t as you spend leisure time in the living room. I think it’s a good idea and I would do it, so long as you can keep some storage space. Alternatively, could you get a garden studio built? Then DD could use that as her space and literally just use share room to sleep, doesn’t ease things for the boys though.

Having 4 children is a luxury. Simple as that.