Parents sleeping in living room so child can have own room

Both girls need space. Both girls need support.

I've read most of the thread. There aren't any good options, only manageable ones that are worth a try.

If you think that mr7 will continue to need parental support to fall asleep long term then moving him into your room might be an option. But I don't think it will actually free up space.

I would consider you and dh swapping with the girls. Even if it seems silly. There is something about needing to completely empty a room and put it back together elsewhere that is easier to manage than just tidying a room. We just had 2 kids swap as my 13yo (also on the spectrum) struggled so much with the noise from the street at the front of the house. Taking out all the toys and clothing really did help make sure that we had set them up for success in keeping the spaces clear.

A few people have posted ikea options. The curtains are much better than you'd imagine at dividing rooms.

It's possible both girls will need to wear headphones when watching tv/on devices. What can you get them that gives them both a sense of privacy while accepting that they do have to share a bedroom.

A space in the garden that can be used for craft/as a reading nook might give you another space as a family. It sounds like all of you could benefit from having a little bit of room to be away from each other.

My youngest sister had a bed curtained off on the landing for a few years. There weren't enough bedrooms and for various reasons this was the best option. People make their space work for their families in all sorts of creative ways.

I hope your younger daughter is getting supports as needed, and all of you are doing better soon.

Ikea also does the DIGINET curtain tracks which can divide space with some cleverly arranged drop cloths or bedsheets hemmed into floor length curtains with the magic iron hemming tape and you could repair the ceiling to be unnoticeable with some filler and white paint if you moved

Do you have any room under the stairs? A daybed could manage sleeping someone there if you had room for it

You don't need a full garden room for DD to have some dedicated space- have her sleep inside and just a shed with some lighting for darker evenings and maybe a duvet style coat or slanket for warmth- a few shelves for belongings to be kept safe on, and perhaps a desk and chair and pretty up the den with some fairy lights and a bathmat for easy cleaning rug - purely somewhere to get some quiet retreat from over stimulation and prevent noise pollution by giving her headphones if she watches tv on her phone or listens to music in there

I'd convert the girls room with the kallax- just secure it to the wall so no accidents - you can easily fill in a few holes and repair the wall to make it unnoticeable if you ever move and if you can afford it have a shed too

Both girls can participate in the project of converting the space- not a punishment, pick out bedding and removable wallpaper and help DH and you in building it - older DD is more likely to take care of the space if it feels specific to her. A sparkly bin perhaps included in her plan

You can also make more space for the kids by moving their clothes into your bedroom if you can hold more wardrobes or even the under stair space for this - it might seem odd but it'll be easier for putting away laundry and keeping them organised and perhaps even save some time with less wandering around to put clean clothes away from the laundry

I feel sorry for both your daughters who sound like they have their own issues on top of living in stressful circumstances through no fault of their own. Some of the suggestions to send the eldest daughter to live with other family or put her in a caravan by herself are awful and will surely ruin any relationship you have with her. I imagine she’ll be applying for her own council flat as soon as she turns 16 poor girl

Haha, it’s 4 kids not 14, dear god some of you are dramatic. As I said before, definitely split the room, it will give each child a sense of having a safe space. The older child might also feel more pride in “her room” and keep it tidier.

Go shopping for new bedding (if you can afford it) and accessories/paint, you don’t need to spend allot but it could give them both a bit of a boost and a sense of ownership.

From experience allot of children on the spectrum seem to love cosy, safe, spaces. I would definitely get both a loft bed (if they like the idea), you can find lots on Facebook market place. Wether they would prefer a more practical space or a cosy den like space depends on them of course.

I definitely wouldn’t leave it as it is, explain to them how much effort you are going to to give them there own “room” and how you need them both to keep it tidy. Don’t single the older teen out, even though she’s the messy one.

Where in OP does it say that or are you writing a story to fit your agenda?

Op doesn't mention anything about her past, and nor does she have to, I was merely pointing out shit happens and life changes, you attacked op by pretty much telling her she shouldn't have had so many children given her current living space. You and I have no idea if this has always been the case or if OP's circumstances have changed, and it's non of our business, op was asking for solutions not scorn. If you can't understand how peoples lives can change, sometimes quite dramatically then you are either from a very privileged position with a private income, so safe financially safe from shit happening, or haven't yet had the carpet snatched from under you. Just be grateful you've never yet found yourself in a situation that you thought was secure only to have your whole world crumble through no fault of your own....then again you're clearly unhappy as you like to attack anyone who is trying to help OP. So maybe things aren't that rosy for you either? In which case, I'm sorry you're also having a shite time. Life is definitely hard at the moment for lots of people, especially when it comes to finding housing. And no I'm not 'making up a story to fit an agenda' I've given an alternative possibility, just as I'm giving an alternative possibility to you being unhappy rather than an unpleasant judgemental individual.

I think Magneta makes some excellent points here. I really feel for both your girls. Both of mine are autistic and my older girl also has ADHD and difficulties with executive functioning and sounds much like your 15 year old. She has needed loads of scaffolding in the past. In truth at 20 she still does at times but with and embedded structures in place she is so much better now. At times it is behaviour she can control and at times it is as a result of her ND and I think it is really important for us as parents of kids with additional needs that we can differentiate between both behaviours. Your girl needs support not punishment. Some of the responses from others on these are completely lacking in understanding and empathy for your children and your situation.

I also feel for your DH (I have a similar one). He is getting unfairly slammed. I expect with his ASD he also needs a place to decompress and recover with sleep. My DH has a very stressful job and when he gets home he needs a quiet place to decompress and he would not be able to do a day's work after a night of disturbed or uncomfortable sleep. And you and your sleep and emotional wellbeing matters too. Both of you won't be able to look after your kids if you are exhausted and stressed.

Tiredtoday0 has some great suggestions regarding splitting the rooms and there are a few other really good suggestions. Take your time and between all the suggestions you will find something that works. Can I also suggest buying a pop up dark den. They are inexpensive, easy to store and can be a place of sanctuary for anyone in the family when needed. Ear defenders are also useful.

I hope your 13yo feels better soon and that somewhere in this thread you find what works so that the needs of everyone in your family can be met. Take care of yourself.

A completely out there idea.

Dd13 gets box room. You and Dd15 share middle room and dh and the boys have the biggest bedroom. Especially if the littlest ds still needs to share a bed with someone.

I think your dh needs to compromise, yes you are the adults but at the end of the day it's not the children's fault they are in this living situation.

Though not ideal a sofa bed in the lounge is fine for two adults, get a nice hamper/trunk to put the bedding in during the day. My rules would be that if the kids have all the bedrooms then in the evenings the living room is treated like your bedroom, so you have a place to relax.

This is a v small house that doesn't suit your needs, I'd be concentrating on finding a way to be able to move house.

Sorry if this was already suggested. I don't have time to read every single post.

You say the girls and your bedrooms are the two doubles but theirs isn't possible to partition due to shape. But would yours be possible to partition and effectively you swap rooms?

I'm with your husband on not wanting to sleep in the living room. It's poor sleep hygiene (nothing to do with cleanliness).

Is the kitchen big enough to have your sofas and TV so that's the family room? Then the living room is free to use as a bedroom, even with a sofa bed so it can be 'tidied away' occasionally.

We sleep in our box room, small double and a rail wardrobe, to give the kids more bedroom space. If it came to it we would go downstairs aswel.

I would say ,you need to move .the downstairs does not sound big enough

You and DH take the box room, split/partition the larger double room for your DDs, and put your DSs in the other double. Bish bash bosh. Job done. You probably won’t fit much more than a double bed in the box room so you may need to continue storing your clothes in one of the other bedrooms.

If you do this I would give your daughter with SEN the largest bedroom, not the messy daughter as you would be basically be treating the messy one for living in a shit tip and she will just make the larger bedroom a shit hole. If she at least has the box room it's not so much room for her to mess up.

You would literally have to actually kill yourself before it make any impact on the housing list

A chill out 'room' - summerhouse or shed in the garden might help if you have garden space - you can sometimes find one cheaply on Marketplace.

If the sons 11&7 share bed 3 , in bunk beds why is 7yr scared to sleep as he isn't alone ?

Bigger room split for girls and as someone else said make the side with door for dd who is trifling so she doesn't have to walk through other dd mess

She on the other hand needs to grow up and help so tidy her stuff. And put things away to help her sister

You and dh in other room

You do need own space so sleeping in living room isnt going to work

Can uou consider moving to somewhere cheaper - with 4 beds or 2 living areas so dining room can be bed 4

It's not a punishment. it's a consequence, and yes, the other alternative is the younger DD, but the older one is more likely to have a later bedtime and less intrusion into the evening.

In order of preference I’d try:

1. better division of the girls’ room - curtains, bookcases, whatever it took to make as much of a barrier as possible.
2. youngest in with you and DD15 and older son share (but only if sufficient division in the room)
3. you and DH downstairs.

Your children shouldn’t have to suffer because of their siblings, they didn’t choose to be one of 4, the inconvenience needs to land on you and DH unfortunately.

This might be unpopular on here but have you looked at the local HA/council housing list? If your poor DD tried to kill herself due to cramped living conditions you might find yourself eligible for a bigger property quite quickly.

That is a harsh punishment for a kid who obviously finds it hard to be organised and tidy and probably just needs some help and support. You could equally say the 13 yo was causing the issue.