To not want to be thought of as old?

Zombie thread.

I never did.

Just a politer version of the same thing. Even if she had said that and OPs DD deliberately chose wording to make it sound rude and insulting, then she's still being rather judgy and silly isn't she? I go to clubs, but its an activity not a personality trait that immediately renders me youthful and means I'd have nothing in common with people who don't.
Whether she likes it or not, they're at the same 'life stage' with older children who are dating each other. Doesn't mean they will have anything in common, but equally the age difference doesn't mean they won't.
No idea why she wants to meet the OP, though some people do get a kick out of feeling younger and 'cooler' than their peers. So maybe that's it.

It sounds like the kids wants them to hang out, just the mums, so she might have said something like: I am not sure we have that much in common. She is a bit older than me and I still like going out clubbing when I go out. We might be at different stages in life.

I doubt she has said OP is old and boring but I'll go out with her anyway. Why would she want to?

It isn't going out clubbing and enjoying her life that makes her sound insecure. It's calling another woman 'old and boring' by comparison to her that's the giveaway. I'm really not sure how the comments repeated by the OPs DD could have been misconstrued. Either she used the words old and boring about the OP, or the DD is lying, as there really isn't any context or nuance to statements as bald as that.

Some comments on here are really offensive. So what if a middle aged woman likes going out clubbing and continue to live her life they way she enjoys it. It's a good thing to want to keep having fun and to not care that you might be one of the oldest people in the club. It doesn't mean she's insecure, thinks she is cooler than everyone else, is immature etc. She just has different hobbies and a different lifestyle. There isn't one lifestyle that fits all women. We need to be allowed to be different.

I think context here is everything, and the OP hasn't got any idea of what exactly was said, how it was said and why. She might be rude, she might be factual, she might be completely neutral. As we can see on this thread, the comments which has been relayed in third hand can be interpreted very differently.

You don't know if these comments are coming from this woman or your daughter so either way I would give the meet up a swerve.

It doesn't sound like you have a lot in common so why bother. You're also spending far too much time thinking about what she does or doesn't think of you.

TBH, if she did make those comments she's not the sort of person I would want to spend time with! You need to value yourself a bit more and not explain yourself.

My DDiLs Mum thought I was "old" but I get on better with my DDiL than she does with her mother! (I don't hit her for one!)

I think some people are old before their time and some people never grow up. This is nothing to do with appearance.

Honestly she sounds ridiculous. Why are you meeting up with her? I was a young mum, I'm 35 and have an almost 16 year old son and most of his friends parents are late 40's early 50's. I don't think of them as old. I think that this woman has probably based a lot of her personality on being young and "cool" and is insecure about her own ageing.

As to what you should do? It's up to you but I would cancel. I find people who are needlessly judgemental a bit of a bore and would not want to waste my time.

I'm also wondering why you are meeting up with her on your own. Who's idea is it?

There's 10 years between my mum and MiL. My mum is definitely old fashioned/traditional (i.e. judgmental) and probably has more in common with DHs grandparents (15/20 years her senior). In comparison to MiL who still has 'girls nights out' and generally has a younger, more positive outlook on life.

I'd say it was perhaps the way you come across? Don't change for her, just don't worry about what she thinks! She's old enough to have some manners!

Why on earth are you hanging around with your daughter's boyfriend's mother and why do you give a fuck what she thinks, is she some kind or oracle?

She sounds like the kind of person who posts on here saying “I’m 30 a d I feel old”!

I can't work out who'd piss me off more the mother or your DD.

Without context of the discussion its impossible to tell what the mother meant, absolutely maybe she was being rude, but maybe she was talking about feeling awkward about the meeting, and there was a whole discussion summarised by the boyfriend into "middle class and boring".

But your DD would know exactly what she was saying to your face and is being rude. Why on earth does she think it's worth stirring trouble like this? And if it was relevant (but how??) then she's old enough to know to phrase things more kindly.

And the more fundamental question is why meet? You both don't seem to be keen to do so, DD is only 17 so presumably its not wedding planning, so why meet at all?

Do you expect them to get married for 50 years? Why do you care what this random woman thinks? Would you feel the same if a MNer called you boring-old-whatever. Your offspring are young. I give them 4 months max.

I can't see how someone is offended by being called "old" unless you share the prejudice that being "old" is a bad thing, maybe shameful even, is what you believe. In which case... the solution is all in your own head. Change your beliefs and no offence can be taken.

Because she’s a spring chicken? You’re both middle-aged. Whatever she thinks doesn’t matter, she’s the same generation as you and calling someone a few years older ‘old’ is childish and rude. Having said that I think you need a thicker skin. She’s not your friend, why do you care what she thinks.

Why are you forcing this friendship? My mum has never befriended any of my boyfriend's Mum's and I'm now 43 and it's all worked out fine...

I wouldn't set any store at all by the secondhand info. It's all been mangled en route by the sounds of it. Either meet her and have your own grown up interactions or keep her at arm's length, but in any case disregard comments that have come via the bf then via your DD, completely out of context. No good can come of analysing these things that are probably erroneous and definitely not meant for your ears. Your DD and her bf are a bit dim for sharing.

Firstly, I'm in my 30s and don't see people in their 50s as 'old'.
Secondly, it's so bloody rude to say anyone, or their parents, are 'old'.

Age is a privilege.

Those that matter don't mind and that mind don't matter.

Anyone to comment negatively on others is just rude and I am sure the would be embarrassed as she would not have said it to your face.

It's all about her and trying to be 'hip'

Ignore it, she's a twat who can't cope with being 'older'

If she finds you so old, middle class and dull why has she invited you for a drink? Odd behaviour.

What does your DD think of these comments? I'd like to think that my DD would stand up for me if someone talked about me like that. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking!

Maybe go just this once... and if you really can't stand the woman maybe get your outspoken, blunt DD to let her know you think her BFs mum is immature and frivolous.

With a bit of luck your DD will break up with her BF soon and you won't have to put up with these rude uncalled for comments any more.

Blimey, I would not be wasting time with this rude person - she’s your daughter’s boyfriend’s mum, so no particular need to be anything but polite on the odd occasion your paths cross, surely?

She's insecure about aging and doesn't want to be lumped into the mum category with you, so she's othering you and trying to show up the differences between you.
The boring MC thing may be that she percieves you as wealthier/better career/posher than her and is attacking as a defence.
To say these things to DD sounds a bit like she's competing for her regard 'look how much cooler I am than your mum' type of thing.
If I were you though I'd meet her and judge for yourself.

Blimey I wouldn't be in a rush to meet up. Maybe you could comment to DD that her BFs mum sounds incredibly judgy and tactless. She might accidentally bluntly repeat that and solve your problem.

Seriously though, she probably just sees you as a different kind of person. Maybe regard it as an interesting exercise to try to find some common ground.