To find it upsetting how differently I’m treated with weight on me

Yeah it’s true. To be honest I just can’t be arsed to care any more. I roll my eyes and carry on.

DISCLAIMER: I have gone up to an 18-20 in the past 5 years (40+ and perimenpausal). I was a 12 before and not particularly good looking.

The recent heatwave we had where everyone was wearing those cycling shorts things and belly tops really opened my eyes to obesity. There are so many overweight women and no, it isn't attractive in the flesh. Rolls/bulges of fat does not look healthy at all. I was on holiday recently and needed to buy trousers and they simply didn't exist in my size. It has really opened my eyes to my own body and choices I'm making and I think this might be a turning point for me. We have glorified/celebrated obesity too much in the UK.
Of course none of this should mean it is OK to be treated less, but ask anyone with physical disability or any other 'difference', it happens all the time 😞

Thanks for your extensive research confirming this 'huge cause'*. I think doctors and scientists worldwide would be very grateful if you shared it.

(Also the OP mentioned nothing about poverty, that was in response to another comment, but in her case it seems illness is a factor. So does that mean it's ok or not ok for people to be unpleasant to her? Is it 'just the way it is' or is she more deserving of decent treatment? Please advise).

*a case study of you and your friend

Huh? Where did the OP mention they were in poverty?

I was speaking from my own experience when I was over-weight.

Of course there are other causes of being over weight, but denial about food quantities and exercise are also a huge cause.

There is a correlation between low incomes and obesity now. Though thanks to @towriteyoumustlive 's insightful and compassionate post that solves the obesity crisis with her dazzling understanding and brilliant solution, I suppose it must be because poor people are greedier, lazier and more lacking in self control than wealthier people? As she says, there isn't any other cause after all. Just those lazy, greedy, deluded fatties with no self control that inevitably we will all treat with contempt because that's just the way it is!

“It’s just the way it is”

no, just the way you see it. You think it’s ok to treat fat people unpleasantly because you felt you deserved that when you were fat? That’s not healthy, even though you think it is.

What's even more annoying is someone posting then not bothering to reply...

I've been over-weight before. I was over-weight because I lacked self control at the time, ate too much and was lazy. So someone being overweight is a sign that they are potentially lazy, greedy and have no self control, hence people probably see and treat them differently. It's just the way it is.

Lots of people convince themselves they're eating the right things, exercise all the time blah blah blah but the reality is they still eat too much and don't move enough.

I haven't been overweight for 24 years. I went on holiday with a friend who "can't lose weight", but after a week with me (hahaha poor girl!) she discovered she eats far more than me and moves much less than me, and thus is overweight. She has since opted for the moving more and does a long walk every day, and has lost lots of weight already. She also stopped driving to the shop and now walks if she wants a snack.

I have been a size 8 (at age 18) and am now a size 18 (at age 55). I’m still attractive to men, but I think that’s because I’m mostly hair and boobs.

In terms of what people are saying about times long gone where the rich people were fatter and the slimmer people were the poor, then maybe, it’s worth considering that the economic circumstances of a person might affect their weight in terms of the food that they have access to.

That makes sense, @usernamealreadytaken but I think what Escape was referring to was the other part of the sentence - 'evolution in action' and discrediting that. Not the health part. Because that wouldn't make sense. Her response was saying it's not evolution, it's society.

Okay, so just to simplify, because the quotes got so long...

@Letsgetouttahere2023 said "Being obese is super super bad news for your health" - referring to health

@EscapeRoomToTheSun said "In food scarcity and historically fatness if often a sign of wealth and attractiveness." - referring to cultural values

I said "Cultural values such as wealth and attractiveness don't make someone healthy" - referring to the irrelevance of cultural values to health

It's called a conversation, with different people giving different opinions. HTH.

I'd like to know how these posters treat ill or disabled people. What does their (imaginary) evolutionary instinct tell them then?

I think this thread shows that people have a very tentative grasp on what evolution is. It's not a sentient, intentional process. It doesn't dictate the way you treat a fat person.

And @usernamealreadytaken the poster was talking about periods of time/culture in which fatness has been considered more desirable, not healthy. For you to reply to someone saying 'these people think or thought fat is attractive' with 'fat isn't healthy' is quite a non sequitur! She didn't say it was healthy! Just that attitudes towards it are conditioned by society's norms, rather than health concerns. What society considers an ideal of beauty at any given time won't always be a healthy one. So I still don't understand your reply.

Agreed. I like myself more when I am slimmer and I also feel healthier. But it is not easy.

A question, for those using "evolution" to justify being twats to fat people... My first lot of meds made me very fat, I have switched now and am losing weight rapidly but the next meds are making me lose all my hair. Will "evolution" mean you are a twat to me when I am bald too?

Agreed. In fact when I was anorexic I received constant compliments on my figure, despite being so slim my periods had stopped

So, your not wrong, but evolution is a funny bugger. If you exercise too much and not eat enough you will also lose the ability to reproduce (RED-S worth looking up). This is not anorexia, and does not look like it either it looks like what, culturally, we favor in western society. Our bodies need fat and muscle to survive and reproduce. Too much and too little will inhibit that, however the slim lady who doesn't have her period will not be judged (maybe unconsciously) in the same way as the larger lady.
Its the opposite for men obesity in men and under eating and over exercising in men will also affect reproduction, men who are not getting enough nutritionally will have no morning glory and will struggle to have an erection. Obese men will also have this struggle, however probably not just larger men, so biologically women are less likely to find a skinny man attractive.

OP I am sorry that this has happened to you and you feel this way. Some will be unconscious bias, some will be how you feel about yourself, the rest is just horrible people, ignore if you can.

@EscapeRoomToTheSun specifically said that "In food scarcity and historically fatness if often a sign of wealth and attractiveness" - I responded that cultural values such as wealth and attractiveness don't make someone healthy, so it's pretty obvious I was responding to the cultural and health aspects, not whether someone is historically kind or unkind to obese people, because of evolution or any other factor. IMO, it's damaging to celebrate obesity, but, that said, fat shaming or humiliation is not acceptable either. It's a life-limiting medical condition, and should be treated with the same compassion as any other.

So being nasty to fat people is ok? Because it will make people take responsibility?

It’s unhealthy in the same way smoking is. Can’t ban food though so people have to take responsibility for their own health.

I’m not fat, and I’m not going to “flip out”, but those all sound like your issues with fat people, rather than fat people’s issues in themselves - loads of fat people can do those things and loads of thin people can’t, they aren’t all the same

I’ve never been fat, I’ve only ever got to a 12 and for most of my life been 8-10 and I’m trying to think whether I treat fat people badly.

I’m going to be honest, seeing as it’s been asked so try not to totally flip out!

Sometimes I don’t know where to look when I’m around a really fat person, there’s an awkwardness I can’t quite put my finger on. They often seem very self conscious (fiddling with their clothes etc) and it sometimes feels hard to know how to deal with that, so I tend to think I’ll not make it worse by forcing conversation etc.

Other times, there are literally things that I would do as matter of course that make things awkward when interacting with obese people. For example, I took my friend on a big hike a few weeks ago and I truly thought I’d finished her off. I’d told her how long it was, hill level etc. and she insisted on coming, but honestly it was awful. There are things that are ‘just not in the zone’ when people are obese, and that’s not just big hikes, it’s also taking the stairs, waking that extra 500m, going to certain restaurants that are ‘cosy’, taking public transport, just generally being much slower than what is my norm.

I think these things may come across as being awful to fat people (excluding them from certain activities and disengaging when people are super self conscious for want of not making it worse) but in my mind, relationships go both ways and it’s never a blanket rejection of someone because they are fat, it’s much more complicated

I remember once on a thread posting that I wasn't fat because I overate or was lazy.

Within seconds someone quoted me and said 'Really?'

Which sums up people's attitudes to overweight people quite nicely, I think.

So boringly predictable:
OP - depressed at how she's treated when overweight
Mumsnet - Don't be overweight
Helpful

i was hefty for a few years but my default is towards lean where my weight has been most of my life.

I have never been treated better when slimmer but ...

I don't have an attractive face and don't have a classically "attractive/desirable" female figure as i'm straight up and down.

Women treated me the same at bigger and smaller.
Men slightly (but not by much) better when smaller.

Fat or "normal" weight, if you are more attractive body shape eg size 16 hourglass and/or have more attractive facial features in nice proportions i think you'll get treated better.