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Original poster

To find it upsetting how differently I’m treated with weight on me

318 replies

Thesesoundsfallintomymindyo · 25/07/2023 23:09

I’ve been from size 8-16 (large 16) during my life, on and off. I have to work very hard if I want to be slim, gym 3-4 times per week, watch everything I eat etc. I have chronic kidney stones, which take all mg energy away and I’ve piled on the weight.
I’d say I’m quite good looking when slim, definitely not when overweight, I just can’t carry it off as I have a lot of weight around my face etc.
People just seem to like me more when I’m slim, I’ve noticed it over the years, I seem to get more respect, even my parents seem disappointed in me when I’m overweight.
I’m invisible to strangers and men seem to look at me distastefully or not treat me in the same way as my slimmer friends, when I’m slim, the look at me and stop to let me past etc, even the kids I teach like me more when I’m slimmer and call me pretty etc
I’m exactly the same person, have the same hair, eyes, make up etc etc and yet am treated so poorly
Has anyone else had this?
I find it so wrong and upsetting

OP posts:
Madamebutterfly97 · 29/07/2023 04:48

Attraction doesn’t just mean finding a partner, have an open mind please and don’t take things so personally

Madamebutterfly97 · 29/07/2023 04:47

Personally no but unfortunately that’s what people do and it’s most likely to assert their social ranking which is the same as apes do. Also because it’s pushed so by the media. Villains in movies are either too skinny, too fat or have a disability. It isn’t fair but it is what it is. Don’t take what I said personally

BlossomCloud · 29/07/2023 00:08

Oatycookies · 28/07/2023 23:09

Exactly. I basically had a flare up of binge eating disorder as I was triggered from various past memories during lockdown so was back to gorging on food. That combined with the inactivity caused by stress induced insomnia during lockdown which made me too tired to go out for even a walk let alone made me increase in weight.

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I'm so sorry.

I used to be anorexic. It's not a more virtuous eating disorder than yours. It's just a different manifestation of mental illness that involves food. Both sorted by tackling the root causes, not by judgement from pious strangers who use berating others to feel better about their own insecurities.

Oatycookies · 28/07/2023 23:14

Losing over half of 3.5 stone I had to lose is a proud achievement for me because it’s not as simple as eat less move more for some of us who are literally self-medicating through food.

Most of the plus sized influencers I follow online actively go the gym and less active lifestyles. If anything those are the ones who encouraged me to go to the gym and to keep living and being happy while losing weight, moreso than the online trolls who aggressively criticise the plus sized influencers weight under each of their social media posts.

Oatycookies · 28/07/2023 23:09

BlossomCloud · 28/07/2023 22:05

I still find it curious that anorexics are treated with such compassion and understanding (and indeed I often got praised and complimented as an anorexic) yet overeating which is really just a different type of eating disorder with many of the same origins (trauma , depression...) Is treated with such disdain.

The very overweight people I know are amazing people who have often experienced huge trauma or suffering in their lives.

Exactly. I basically had a flare up of binge eating disorder as I was triggered from various past memories during lockdown so was back to gorging on food. That combined with the inactivity caused by stress induced insomnia during lockdown which made me too tired to go out for even a walk let alone made me increase in weight.

BlossomCloud · 28/07/2023 22:56

Cocktopus · 28/07/2023 22:34

Yes my disability and the medication I'm on that conspire to make me a size 20 truly are luxuries

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Exactly. Presumably the baldness from my new medication is also a luxury ?

Cocktopus · 28/07/2023 22:36

Viviennemary · 28/07/2023 21:48

It is what it is. Why do very rich not very handsome men (thats being kind) often have beautiful wives/girlfriends.

How is that relevant to this thread?

Cocktopus · 28/07/2023 22:34

Outliers · 28/07/2023 21:50

That's my opinion. Everyone wants to paint themselves as victims. Being overweight is a Western world luxury, not a punishment.

Yes my disability and the medication I'm on that conspire to make me a size 20 truly are luxuries

Ivyusername · 28/07/2023 22:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

roarrfeckingroar · 28/07/2023 22:09

BlossomCloud · 28/07/2023 22:05

I still find it curious that anorexics are treated with such compassion and understanding (and indeed I often got praised and complimented as an anorexic) yet overeating which is really just a different type of eating disorder with many of the same origins (trauma , depression...) Is treated with such disdain.

The very overweight people I know are amazing people who have often experienced huge trauma or suffering in their lives.

Extreme self control is seen as more worthy than extreme gluttony

roarrfeckingroar · 28/07/2023 22:08

I think a lot of people don't buy into the idea that weight is out of your control. If you eat well and move enough - bar illness / disability - you'll lose weight. So being fat is seen as a sign of laziness / indulgence / a lack of self respect, as well as being unhealthy and often physically unattractive.

BlossomCloud · 28/07/2023 22:05

I still find it curious that anorexics are treated with such compassion and understanding (and indeed I often got praised and complimented as an anorexic) yet overeating which is really just a different type of eating disorder with many of the same origins (trauma , depression...) Is treated with such disdain.

The very overweight people I know are amazing people who have often experienced huge trauma or suffering in their lives.

Tinybrother · 28/07/2023 22:04

Oh bless you Grin

Outliers · 28/07/2023 22:03

Tinybrother · 28/07/2023 22:00

You can’t just go around saying “oh it only exists in your mind” whilst also just making shit up. There is research linked on the thread showing that the poor treatment of fat people is real and not in people’s minds. You’ve just got some opinion you can’t justify - it just exists in your mind…

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Okay

Outliers · 28/07/2023 22:02

BlossomCloud · 28/07/2023 21:59

Go fill your body with a heavy dose of steroids for a year then come back and update me.

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Plenty of people manage to be slim without doing so, but sure.

Tinybrother · 28/07/2023 22:00

Outliers · 28/07/2023 21:56

Sure

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You can’t just go around saying “oh it only exists in your mind” whilst also just making shit up. There is research linked on the thread showing that the poor treatment of fat people is real and not in people’s minds. You’ve just got some opinion you can’t justify - it just exists in your mind…

BlossomCloud · 28/07/2023 21:59

Outliers · 28/07/2023 21:50

That's my opinion. Everyone wants to paint themselves as victims. Being overweight is a Western world luxury, not a punishment.

Go fill your body with a heavy dose of steroids for a year then come back and update me.

JaceLancs · 28/07/2023 21:58

I become invisible the bigger I am
thankfully it’s not translated to my working life where I have always felt respected thin or fat

Outliers · 28/07/2023 21:57

ElectricTouch · 28/07/2023 21:53

Well, in the wealthy Western world it's the poorest people in society who are most likely to be obese. So it's not exactly a luxury. It's not people lying on velvet couches gorging themselves on roasted swan.

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Doesn't make it any less of a western luxury.

Outliers · 28/07/2023 21:56

Tinybrother · 28/07/2023 21:52

Just cause it’s your opinion doesn’t make it real sorry.

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Sure

ElectricTouch · 28/07/2023 21:53

Outliers · 28/07/2023 21:50

That's my opinion. Everyone wants to paint themselves as victims. Being overweight is a Western world luxury, not a punishment.

Well, in the wealthy Western world it's the poorest people in society who are most likely to be obese. So it's not exactly a luxury. It's not people lying on velvet couches gorging themselves on roasted swan.

Tinybrother · 28/07/2023 21:52

Outliers · 28/07/2023 21:50

That's my opinion. Everyone wants to paint themselves as victims. Being overweight is a Western world luxury, not a punishment.

Just cause it’s your opinion doesn’t make it real sorry.

Outliers · 28/07/2023 21:50

That's my opinion. Everyone wants to paint themselves as victims. Being overweight is a Western world luxury, not a punishment.

ElectricTouch · 28/07/2023 21:50

Viviennemary · 28/07/2023 21:48

It is what it is. Why do very rich not very handsome men (thats being kind) often have beautiful wives/girlfriends.

What does that have to do with the OP's parents treating her differently since she's gained weight? Or the people she works with?

Viviennemary · 28/07/2023 21:48

It is what it is. Why do very rich not very handsome men (thats being kind) often have beautiful wives/girlfriends.