Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it upsetting how differently I’m treated with weight on me

318 replies

Thesesoundsfallintomymindyo · 25/07/2023 23:09

I’ve been from size 8-16 (large 16) during my life, on and off. I have to work very hard if I want to be slim, gym 3-4 times per week, watch everything I eat etc. I have chronic kidney stones, which take all mg energy away and I’ve piled on the weight.
I’d say I’m quite good looking when slim, definitely not when overweight, I just can’t carry it off as I have a lot of weight around my face etc.
People just seem to like me more when I’m slim, I’ve noticed it over the years, I seem to get more respect, even my parents seem disappointed in me when I’m overweight.
I’m invisible to strangers and men seem to look at me distastefully or not treat me in the same way as my slimmer friends, when I’m slim, the look at me and stop to let me past etc, even the kids I teach like me more when I’m slimmer and call me pretty etc
I’m exactly the same person, have the same hair, eyes, make up etc etc and yet am treated so poorly
Has anyone else had this?
I find it so wrong and upsetting

OP posts:
QueefQueen80s · 26/07/2023 00:14

Absolutely. Peoples behaviour changes with every stone.
Men I can unfortunately understand but women are surprising. The slimmer I am the nicer they are to me. Like I'm a "somebody"

I'm exactly the same person..

SharpLily · 26/07/2023 00:12

Yep, absolutely I have been treated differently at different weights. When I'm bigger, people seem very surprised that I'm well educated, as if the increasing number of fat cells in my body push out the brain cells! Somehow, when I'm slim, my intelligence seems far more accepted.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 26/07/2023 00:09

Letsgetouttahere2023 · 25/07/2023 23:38

It's evolution in action. Being obese is super super bad news for your health and subconsciously all humans recognise this.

Also historically and culturally untrue. In food scarcity and historically fatness if often a sign of wealth and attractiveness. You chat a lot of shit don't you!

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 26/07/2023 00:08

Letsgetouttahere2023 · 25/07/2023 23:42

Best thing is to adjust your diet and move about more, get your body healthy

Who asked you? Anyone who has tried to lose weight, plus science, says it isn't that simple.

Isittimeformynapyet · 26/07/2023 00:08

Letsgetouttahere2023 · 25/07/2023 23:42

Best thing is to adjust your diet and move about more, get your body healthy

Seriously, you should write a book or something - get this news out there!

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 26/07/2023 00:07

Yep. It's the family that hurts the most! My mum has no respect for me when I am bigger, whereas slim she values me 🙃

Clwy · 26/07/2023 00:03

This is 100% a thing. I have been a size 22 and a 12 in the last 10 years. I have started to get bigger again and already people are less friendly, less tiny "perks" (e.g. someone helping with pushchair or giving me student discount when I have forgotten my NUS card) which all add up. If my kids are acting up in public I get more glares and fewer "we've all been there" friendly comments. Friends who've always been slim find it very hard to believe but it's definitely true

Spinewars23 · 25/07/2023 23:50

Never been asked if pregnant despite Fat (famous last words) lol. My GP probably wouldn’t have a go at fatness, bare in mind they don’t care for anything else. I have never been told by my surgery I’m fat. Didn’t have a well woman check at 40.

On a support group do slim skinny women with fibroids simply push their stomach out??

Letsgetouttahere2023 · 25/07/2023 23:42

Best thing is to adjust your diet and move about more, get your body healthy

Aquamarine1029 · 25/07/2023 23:42

Xmasbaby11 · 25/07/2023 23:39

So true. You don’t exist as a romantic prospect unless you’re super good looking.

That's not true at all, is it? You're saying that every loved-up couple you see are all "super good looking?" That's not even remotely true.

Letsgetouttahere2023 · 25/07/2023 23:41

In fact everyone has the same innate unconcious distaste for extremes of weight the other way, its just being fat seems to be the new "normal" in the uk so you probably notice it more. Particularly if you're fat yourself

SilverDrawer · 25/07/2023 23:40

I’ve been quite fat, and was not treated differently.

I felt shit about myself though.

I took up weight training, and did calorie deficit, I’m still sturdy, but confident.

I think it’s about how you feel @Thesesoundsfallintomymindyo

Xmasbaby11 · 25/07/2023 23:39

So true. You don’t exist as a romantic prospect unless you’re super good looking.

Letsgetouttahere2023 · 25/07/2023 23:38

It's evolution in action. Being obese is super super bad news for your health and subconsciously all humans recognise this.

Lostinplaces · 25/07/2023 23:36

It’s absolutely true, as a long term tubster I can confirm that people treat you poorly if you’re fat. It’s shit.

ImGonnaHaveToTurnMyBackOnYou · 25/07/2023 23:27

It's almost always been the same in my personal experience. Sad thing is, at my most ideal weight I was very very sick and for various reasons it can only be kept up with a dangerous eating disorder and severe personal neglect, for me. People had no idea I was so ill and just spurred me on all the time saying how much better I looked. As an obese person I'm so invisible to people now unless they're in health care telling me everything is my weight despite my weight happening so many years after my problems began.

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 25/07/2023 23:20

Humans are very shallow creatures. We are much more driven by appearance than we like to admit.

Mummadeze · 25/07/2023 23:16

Yes, definitely true. My weight fluctuates and I have noticed this. I am currently in a v heavy phase and it has made me realise I need to really showcase my personality to be respected and liked, whereas people warmed to me much more easily when I was slim.