To find it upsetting how differently I’m treated with weight on me

To the 'its all in your head' 'you change because you are fat and people pick up on that' its total BS. I've seen it done with just photos.

Many years ago I was invited as part of a business training rotation to observe a interview panel. It was during the era when applicants had photo head shots. The panel (white male) with seemingly unconscious bias filtered out the two obvious larger ladies.....then the women of colour..... then names that didn't sound British.

In that order.

When challenged on this by me they immediately went to rational and thought out responses why they made the choices they made. Made it sound totally reasonable. I pushed harder and they fell back on arguing expertise and skills but it was pointed out that they ended up with a white all male selected pool when in every. single. case. the women had both more experience and more of the desired skill set - Clearly the absolute best matches were one of the larger ladies and a Indian lady.

They absolutely argued that they hadn't had any bias in their selection. In the end to shut me up (I was being professional but clearly communicated my irritation) they invited the two ladies for interview, but mostly the men (not the same panel) and both ended up being offered jobs because they were exceptional.

* I imagine this would not have flown at all* and i would have been shrugged off as 'we know better little girl' if i wasn't in the middle of a rotation with the very respected CEO and he had walked me in the room and told them he was 'really enjoying my keen insights' in to the business and wanted them 'them to share everything with me and treat me as if i was him'

Now i'm not stupid enough to think size was the only bias at play here, but I saw this play out a number of times.

Yeah seen those ancient statues of fertility goddesses. By todays standards they would be morbidly obese.

Not sure if I buy into this. I was fat and now I'm not, I don't think anyone treats me differently but how I interact with people is because I'm more confident in my own skin.

I feel for you, steroids have made me look like an entirely different person and it's shocking how I am treated now.

I particularly hate the constant unsolicited diet and health advice.

"Luckily" for me the steroids made me really unwell so I am tapering off them, and the water retention is going (my moonface was savage) and my weight is dropping . But I will always feel solidarity for people on steroids now.

I disagree. This is what I’ve been told throughout my life, but it doesn’t ring true at all and always strikes me as patronising.

I’ve been fat and thin, I’ve been miserable and happy, when fat I’m treated worse even when I’m happy and confident. It doesn’t bother me - it’s quite a useful filter to weed out people who see fatness as a barrier to being a friend or being interesting. I don’t want to know people who are so shallow that they’d judge a person by these standards.

Very much a thing.

I've worked with someone for years, and in the last 18 months lost 5 stone. So now we've gone from work friends to friends to...well, I could be having an affair right now if I decided to.

He puts his hands on me now, unnecessarily. But goddamn it if craven formerly-fat me doesn't like it.

Yanbu.

The most compliments I ever got was when I was anorexic! (Size 4-6). Even then, in the depths of anorexia triggered by trauma, I was appalled at how positively my body was viewed

I spent most of my teens and adult life (till late 30s) a size 8.

I gradually gained weight for a few years on antidepressants, and then was diagnosed with a condition that required heavy steroids and my weight ballooned in 6 months, by this spring with the moon face from steroids too I didn't even recognize myself in the mirror. I could live with that, I'm not vain, but the shock was how the outside world treated me.

I'm still the same person I was when I was slim, I'm nicer perhaps thanks to everything I have learned about disability . Yet I am treated with disgust and disdain by many.

I'm losing the weight rapidly now I am off the steroids but I will never forget how that felt.

(And I will never forget the people who gave me unsolicited diet or health advice -i love fitness and eating healthily. My new meds cause hairloss instead of weight gain, I imagine that won't be seen as my fault)

Evolutionary it’s true… why would you biologically/inherently choose an unhealthy mate? It doesn’t happen in the animal kingdom.

Culturally/brief historically you are right… fat meant wealth as you knew were
your next meal was coming from. Peasants were thin, malnourished and poor.

Bit what does fat mean nowadays?

I think it's about self confidence- those of you who fluctuate feel like shut when they're fat, and people pick up on that, and aren't drawn to your negativity. I am a life long fatty, but very confident, and people treat me with respect - I even have a husband and friends!

How tall are you op?
I'm a size 16 atm and I can't say I'm treated badly because of it- but I do seem to carry weight 'well' and I'm fairly tall so I don't look obviously 'fat'.
I might not get gawped at or catcalled any more which is a bonus but I also think that's partly age and covering up more as I'm bigger and older.

There are a lot of shallow people who see obesity as recklessness or laziness. Most people are indifferent though or compassionate. Ultimately it's down to how you feel about yourself. If it's getting you down, take control.

I've been a petite size 10 all my life, I hit 45 and have piled the weight on, I'm now a large 16 (but short so it really shows), I'm absolutely gobsmacked at how invisible I am now, and how poorly people treat me compared to when I was slim. It's pretty awful actually that the way I look has such a huge impact on how I'm viewed as a person.

It's partly because your personality changes when you're fat. You become more self effacing and less outgoing. When I'm slim I'll get up on the dancefloor and throw some moves, but if I've put weight on I'll stay sat down and not want to draw attention to myself.

I’ve been a size 6 to a size 18 (currently 18) and haven’t noticed any difference in how I’m treated except for men not looking at me anymore which I don’t care about. When I was young I was very attractive but very shy and awkward and probably vulnerable-looking, and used to get a lot of attention from men on the street and driving by which I hated. As I’ve got older I’ve become much more relaxed and at ease with myself and don’t give a fuck what people think of the way I look.

However I noticed something really surprising the other day. I never usually wear sunglasses as I only own one pair and they are usually mislaid somewhere in the house, but I wore them for the school run and noticed that actually men were looking at me, and not with disgust either but with appreciation! (I can tell the difference) I can only surmise from this that I am actually still gorgeous but that it’s my intimidating resting bitch face that normally prevents them from openly staring at me, and when I’m wearing sunglasses they can’t see that I can see them looking.

I genuinely have never experienced this. I’ve been a size 12, currently a size 18. Haven’t noticed anything different at all, ever 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yes of course this is true - sadly to me very obviously true

the world won’t become less shallow just because it seems unfair because people are attracted to what they are attracted to (down to evolution)

Definitely treated more dismissively. I wonder if it's only women

I was always slim, great figure until I hit 60,, now I just feel invisible.

I'm pretty sure OP did not start this thread for weight loss advice! 🤦🏼‍♀️🙄 - a perfect example of another regular issue! You mention or even just refer to your weight and along comes the unsolicited dieting/weight loss advice!

It’s true (my adult weight according to bmi has varied between middle ‘ok’ to top ‘overweight’ and I prefer the more inconspicuous fatter version of going through life. In my teens and early 20s I was very attractive. Stopped in the street kind of attractive. Yes absolutely there were benefits of this. But my looks defined me to others and it would be the first and only thing anyone commented on if they were describing me. I’d also have random men very persistently chatting me up all the time, eg getting pestered on a night out with female friends was the norm. I had several male friendships where they turned round said they wanted a relationship or tried to kiss me (felt very demeaning - like they’d only ever been interested in sex when I thought they’d liked spending time with me for me). Once I put on weight I was allowed to have a personality and I felt more secure that the connections I made were genuine.

Im older now and not particularly attractive anyway and have the middle aged invisible woman syndrome and I love it. People that I care about see me, anyone else I don’t care about.

Yet the men you'll see looking with disgust at obese women, usually have beer bellies etc. Let's not pretend that for some men, women are surplus to requirements if they aren't decorative. Likewise smokers who judge fat people.

Yep! I used to be size 6, now size 22 due to prescribed Steroids. Night & day difference. Now I'm spoken to like I'm mentally challenged by some people!

Yep.

Been every size from an 8 to a 22 over the past 20 years. Always get more attention from both sexes when I am slim.

Actually, although I am currently an 8, I feel that I am more attractive with more weight on me but it seems that slim=attractive whether or not the person actually is conventionally attractive. My face looks much much better with more fat on it (i have a wide body frame so look gaunt and older when I am thin) but I still get more pick up attempts, more women being friendly....its weird and ridiculous.

And before anyone asks, no I cannot currently gain any weight due to illness, I would love to be a 10/12 as it suits me better.

It's horrendous how shallow so many people can be.

I remember a thread from ages ago, where the poster described herself as overweight, worked in IT and was called out to fix a really challenging problem, which she did perfectly but it took a lot of dedicated work and expertise.

A few years later, now having lost a lot of weight, she was called out by the same person and it turned out to be a very simple issue this time, but (iirc), she was having 'one of those days' and ended up faffing, taking a while to focus and not covering herself in glory, albeit managing to fix the issue OK in the end.

The customer told her how amazing she was at her job and nothing like the 'stupid woman' who had come out the last time he'd had an IT issue that needed a call-out and had done a really rubbish, amateurish job

I agree with @SilverDrawer. There are definitely people out there that judge a book by its cover and I totally get what you are saying OP, it does happen for many of the reasons cited already. However, it also has to do with your own internal bias. When someone is less comfortable about themselves they are more likely to notice negative responses from others and misinterpret those responses to fit how they already feel about themselves (and also dismiss the positive or neutral experiences). It is confirmation bias and it can become a vicious cycle because we alter our behaviour as a result and it’s often this people are responding to. I know it’s has definitely been true for me.