To find it upsetting how differently I’m treated with weight on me

I would be so disappointed if my parents treated me differently if my weight changed

Agreed

Yes this thread alone has revealed how unpleasant some people are towards larger people. Doesn't matter what we are like as people. Doesn't matter how much we give back to world through or work or volunteering or caring responsibilities. Doesn't matter whether we are kind or funny. To some we are instantly seen as lesser purely based on appearance.

Having been slim most of my life, I am quite confident I am just as worthy of respect now. Not least because I continue to volunteer regularly and do a very full time job that makes a huge difference to people's lives, while battling debilitating disability and a heavy schedule of medication.

Dickheads treat you differently. Good people treat you the same.

I have a neighbour who treats me as if I have a learning disability. I've never heard her speak to anyone else like this. She always tilts her head and has a simpering, patronising smile and tone. Now I just smile and ignore her but a typical exchange from the early days went like this...

Helllooooo, and where are you off to today?
Work
Ohhhhhh, that's nice. It's good that you have a job. Gets you out of the house doesn't it. Keeps you busy.
Yes
Ohhhh, you drive as well?
Yes

Off I go to my £60k job that needs a masters degree

Fascinated by this response! I mean, not only is it not true because attitudes towards fatness have always varied historically and culturally, suggesting it's more to do do with the conditioning of societal norms but also - if you truly believe humans have an instinctive response of distaste and unkindness towards the unhealthy do you extend this to sick and disabled people too?? Do you, @Letsgetouttahere2023 , treat them badly because your evolutionary programming tells you to?

Remember archaeologists finding an ancient skeleton of a woman with a broken leg and deducing that someone had nursed her and cared for her until her death? They established that in a primitive, prehistoric society early humans looked after their ill and injured. They didn't have some 'evolutionary response' to leave them to die. From the very beginning, our ability to show compassion and empathy is one of the things that marks us out as human.

(Shame that seems to have bypassed this poster!)

Absolutely true! Was a slim child/teenager then piled into n the weight in my 20/30's and have now lost a significant amount of weight in my 40's. I was treated completely differently when i was overweight compared to now! Ignored, treated with contempt and indifference and now im noticed and heard! Its wrong but it is the way things are!

Hi op, I know this isn't exactly the asame sthing but I am treated differently depending on how my hair is!!! I have naturally coily, fuzzy hair. I dont straighten it very much now because it did so much damage but when I do..men hold doors open for me or beep when driving past... the children I work with tell me I'm pretty like you, girls will compliment my hair. Then when I have it curly, I am ignored. Overlooked.

Its mad.... I noticed it years ago and really see the difference.

Just because size 16 is the average doesn’t mean it’s ok. Your suggestion would normalise being overweight.

Well you only really have to look at some of the numerous threads on here and see how the majority of mumsnetters post about anyone remotely overweight to see that there is definitely truth in what you're saying

Yes, I thank my lucky stars that I am pretty oblivious to other's impressions of me, with a healthy dose of self-esteem and superiority to boot. So if my weight is high or low, that's nobody's business but mine.

It's helped me out of no end of tricky situations, but most especially it seems excruciating to constantly assume that people are thinking about and judging you.

The average woman's clothes size in the UK has been size 16 for several decades now. If 16 was defined as "medium" (which it statistically is) instead of XL or even XXL it would go a long way towards helping people's perception of their own bodies as normal.
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/womens-body-changes-since-1957-self-image-fashion-weight-health-sizes-positive-a7633036.html

This

Definitely true. I'm at my 'upper limit' now but a few years ago I was about 3 stone lighter and everyone treated me better. I thought maybe I projected more confidence but now I'm back up again I believe its more than this. There are many people who believe fat people lack competence, if they can't even sort out what they put into their mouth then how can be be trusted with X or Y... on some level I believe this about myself too, its just mortifying walking down the street knowing everyone can see your personal flaws wobbling along.

I have been very slim (8/10) and larger (16/18). My observation is that I'm not treated badly as bigger, but that there's a thinness premium, just like a pretty privilege. If you are really slim with a good figure, you not only get approval from men but from other women. I've been complimented loads of times by women.

I think if you are a bit bigger you have to work harder to get the same easy life as when you are slimmer- so being friendly, smiling, asking for help, it works, I don't feel discriminated against at size 18 but I think it's harder work (e.g. need to make an effort with clothing, make-up, look nice).

I think men in general don't get noticed by women much at all, fat or thin.

I think all creatures are. It’s nature.

This is exactly me, I'm 5ft 7 so many would think 9.5 stone size 10 would be "perfect" but I have a wide frame so it hung off me, I was ill and had all the symptoms of anorexia, periods stopped and couldn't sit down for long due to bones jutting out etc
But wow the attention I got 🙄 shallow fuckers. I looked like a ghost

People can't understand how a size 10 can be too thin.. they don't consider skeleton size or body shape.

Size12-14 much healthier

What infuriates me is the assumption that overweight people are lazy and greedy. Only last week there was a thread on Chat about people eating small amounts and a poster said something about having the self control to stay slim rather than choosing to eat a third packet of crisps. Upthread we've had 'move about more'
. Some people are offensively clueless.

Agree

If obesity were desirable someone would be making money out of it.

Slim people would be on here asking how to become morbidly overweight because apparently it’s great

At heart we know it’s not something most people like. Yet because we have lost the war and most adults are overweight we had better quickly pretend it’s not only normal but intentional

Ie gaslighting bullshit - and increasingly we are through the looking glass on this where it’s becoming something you’re not allowed to talk about

This. I think there's so many of us fatties around, that people just don't find it abnormal anymore 😂

Nope. Lots of us have explained that's not the case.

Part of it might be that when you're overweight you feel less confident so are projecting yourself differently to others. If you already look defensive and on the lookout for poor treatment, maybe people stay away more because they sense it? And if you're not feeling good about yourself, you probably smile less and seem less approachable and friendly.

Not my experience at all. I'm currently a size 16 and have been slim in the past.

People don't treat me disrespectfully or look down on me.

Potentially a bit less catcalling, but I'm fine with that.

@ThetollofTime I agree.

Not least because my confidence was at its lowest when I was at my slimmest, and actually although I am incredibly large right now I am also very successful professionally (although was appointed to the post when much slimmer...) And very happy in my family life, so my confidence is the best it has ever been

But people don't like to own their prejudices