To wonder how other people afford to keep their house ‘nice’

I hear you OP, it’s miserable.

I’m lucky enough to own my house mortgage free, kept it after divorce, and it was an insane mistake because I’ve never been able to afford to maintain it. I’ve been here 30+ years but it’s non standard construction and not mortgageable now, so I could only sell it to a cash buyer. The solid oak kitchen and primrose bathrooms were done in the early 1980s, with wood veneer doors and aluminium windows. The brown Marley tiled kitchen floor is much older. The carpets are all over 30 years old.

I go to other houses and they’re all sparkling white gloss kitchens with white marble floors, spotless and immaculate, and here, no amount of scrubbing or product cleans the grubby grout or dull taps or clouded window panes. I’m late 60s and will never move, but this is the horrible dump that my AC will have to sell for peanuts to someone who’ll knock it down. Life, eh?

I think painting makes the biggest difference and does not cost too much. You could test a tiny section of the 80s wallpaper to see what it's like underneath? Doors should last longer than 35 years, I think mine are more like 100 years - someone you know can probably repair them, my neighbour rehung mine for me when it fell off and it's been fine since. If you can learn how to grout, that can transform a bathroom without much cost. Doesn't help the shower situation but can you get one of those taps with a shower head attached?

Is it feasible to become an actual pain in the arse to your HA, and keep on and on at them to do the safety repairs, ask for a time frame for kitchen / bathroom replacement, etc?

I would also approach Shelter and your local councillors or MP about the damp and heating issues.

Contact the housing association. Many of them allow you to install a new kitchen as long as you obtain written permission.

Other than that, replacement kitchens, bathrooms etc are usually done by the HA as part of a programme of planned repairs. You can contact the HA and discuss the situation. Ask them to check with their investment teams to find out when the kitchen and bathroom are due to be replaced.

Your tenancy agreement will state that you are responsible for the internals, however if there are any repairs that are outstanding that are a health and safety issue, raise a repair request.

Look on the HA website and find its repair policy. It will tell you what repairs it is responsible for, how to raise a repair request and the timescales it which it needs to action the repair. If the HA doesn't follow its policy, then go through the complaints process. If still unresolved, refer to the Housing Ombudsman for free.

I think you should speak to shelter about all of this OP and get some legal advice as it doesn't sound right what they're telling you.

They do have a duty towards keeping the house in a good state of repair and it seems they are failing it.

Look up renter friendly fixes on YouTube.
You can paint your cabinets ( prep well and use Frenchic paint. One tin goes a long way)

You can cover countertops with sticky back plastic. I did that to buy me time while I’ve decided what to do with them, but they look great and have lasted two years.

There are stick on backsplashes which actually look good. If you don’t mind the tiles, just regrout.

HOW DARE YOU HAVE A LIFE WHILE LIVING IN SOCIAL HOUSING!!!!!!!1!1!1!!!

Seriously some of the attitudes on MN. If you live in SH and improve your lot you're all sorts of CF but if you live in SH and need to claim benefits you're a scrounging n'er do well.

Recovering kitchen units/painting tiles isn't usually permitted by SH LLs, particularly if it's likely to damage the units/worktops/tiles when removed. Ours doesn't allow it. OP best to check with your LL before you make any changes.

I'm currently driving a '23 plate Mazda and "swanning of" to Australia next week so shove that up your judgmental arse.

Full disclosure...it's a replacement car whilst my old banger is in the garage and my trip is to attend my sibling's wedding that was postponed in 2020.

Ring your housing association and find out when the next round of programmed refits of kitchens and bathrooms will be in your area.
I privately own and have had one new kitchen in nearly 25 years (i lived with the old one for 5 years before that). My friend who moved into a new build around the same time is on her 3rd kitchen as when he housing association decides its on its list to be done, it gets done whether it needs it or not.

My mum lives in a HA property and she bought some of that fablon stuff from B&M and totally recovered her worktops and the cupboard doors and she used tile paint and bought a few little things like a new blind and little things to display on the windowsill and worktops and she did a massive de-clutter - it looked like a totally new kitchen and the fablon and paint was cheap.
She'd literally just pick things up as and when and did it when she'd got all the stuff together.

I'm using a similar strategy to do my sitting room - will finally be able to do it all in 2 weeks and can't wait after over a year of HATING my sitting room.

I suppose different HA's have different rules. Mine fitted a new kitchen and bathroom around 12 years ago and will refit in about 3 years time (they refit every 15 years).

HA will not repair things you have done yourself.

lovely🙄

Good job we not all like that.

I knew this would be HA. Worst landlords ever.

What an incredibly nasty post.

Just because you know people like this (and I'm sceptical tbh - do your friends share all their financial information with you?) doesn't mean that this is the norm. If you want anecdotal evidence, nobody on my small estate does this. Several have progressed in their jobs since moving in and are now on relatively respectable incomes - do you have an issue with this, or do you think that everyone in SH should remain on low incomes/benefits forever?

Also, if you talk about your friends like this, I think it's safe to say they're not your friends. People tend to like and respect their friends, and you clearly don't.

Repairs are absolutely NOT your responsibility, OP. In fact if you attempt them the HA may penalise you - for example, charging you for works to be re-done to their standard when you move out. And you can't usually install a bathroom or kitchen of your own in social housing. Your fence is absolutely the responsibility of your LL. This will all be in your tenancy agreement.

If its a rented property then why not make a list of all the jobs that need doing that you consider to be landlord responsibility e.g kitchen replacement and put this in writing to the HA stating that the current standard of fixtures is unacceptable. If you get no response then try your local council housing team they can sometimes assist.

From those I know living in housing association or council houses, many are no longer on low incomes. They meet a partner who earns well, either don't declare he lives there or he doesn't declare all of his earnings, and they use the extra income for stuff like that (or in some friends situations, swanning off on expensive holidays or leasing flashy cars).

How long ago did you put up the fence? Why can't the fallen one be repaired?