To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career...

I don’t think most women can afford to give up their career these days, and why should they anyway.
Even 30 years ago, when I was a widow with a baby and toddler, I kept my job.
The alternative would have been to drag the kids up in poverty on benefits.
Instead, I worked part time for a few years, then stepped up to full time when they started primary school. I have had an enjoyable 36 year career as a hospital doctor, and retired six years ago on a reasonable pension.

This

I would never have given up my career,and my DH would never have expected me to

I also raised my children

My DC must be very traumatised then. They are all still primary age and were in nursery from 12 months old 5 days a week from 7.30am-6pm. DH and I needed to work, one works long shifts that are not on a rota (so can randomly be working anytime) and the others job did not facilitate working less days

It does now mean though that we are both in the higher earner bracket and getting to the point of being able to be flexible with our hours /days. If we had come out of the industries we are in we wouldn’t be in the position we are now

Theres no denying it was horrendous rushing to and from work and then trying to get tired hungry toddlers to bed but I feel like now we are coming out the other side. Hopefully better off money wise and time wise

Yep, I agree norestguest it seems outrageous that women are going against the grain and choosing SAHM lives on here🤣

In my own unique family situation, it is the ideal as I love being there for the drop off/pick up, spending my holidays with all of my children on adventures/picnics. It's great as you can act like a big kid😀 without the worries of work.

There are obviously disadvantages as has been pointed out about pension contributions. It's a fantastic point and fair enough. I could also get hit by a bus tomorrow or die before reaching pensionable age🤷🏻 who knows what the future holds.

I do apologise @SouthLondonMum22 . I was remembering the questionnaire we had on the home visit when we got our dog and they were very clear they would not let us have the puppy if we both worked full time. But I admit, this is a silly comparison and I apologise for being insensitive.

@Elephantsdontlikechocolate hahaha 😆 well said 👏. The poster has stayed at home though so you know... bless her.

As for the actual child development, the most academically high-flying kids at school are those that were full time in nursery since babies. So do leave child development alone.

Because those fathers don't pick up their kids after nursery and take them home and then look after them pretty much exclusively the rest of the time, most of the time they are not available. Whether its due to pissing about pretending to work long hours, being tired, travelling for worl for weeks, snagging their mistresses or pursuing their hobbies at the weekend. Have you not lived? How do you even manage to get out of bed every morning?
Comments like this come from opnionated people that have zero life or people experience and/or are just incredibly naive stupid

I cover all the eventualities whilst my husband works in terms of childcare cover. That would be costly with multiple children. All families are different.

I have never had to worry about the logistics of nursery pick up/ drop offs until they were all entitled to free government funding aged three for each child, then school aged five/six.

I am time rich which I value more than money. It's each to their own. I appreciate others have both parents working out of necessity/desire too, which there's nothing wrong with.

Coping with one or two children in terms of childcare is very different to arranging that for multiple children in a big family.

I love being at home, it makes me really happy. My husband has never pressured me into working but said it's entirely my choice if I want to or not. Ultimately he wants whatever is best for the children, as do I.

So because I answered your question about my baby's nursery hours, I deserved for you to compare him to a dog? I provoked that reaction?

Ok then.

Op did you keep your GDC registration up?
You know most areas are drying out for dental nurses. Have you looked at hospital and public dental services? Plenty of bank shifts available, weekend work and evening shifts.

This is AIBU. If a poster comes on here and says she has been a SAHM for 10, 15, 20 years (as various pp have), she knows exactly the reaction she will provoke because this is fairly uncommon and many people can't relate, or even get quite angry about women who do this. If someone comes on saying she found being a SAHM boring and her baby has been in full time childcare since 12 weeks, she also knows what reaction she will provoke because this is also uncommon and lots of people can't relate, or feel quite shocked to be honest. It's AIBU.

It actually makes plenty of sense. A household with two working parents allows parents to work a more reasonable and flexible schedule. I’ve never heard a sahm saying their DH finishes early to pick the kids up, or drops them off. More often than not the sahm says they are facilitating them having a high powered career and working longer hours due to DH not having to worry about childcare. Plus in order to support a whole family on one wage it needs to be a higher wage and more often than not that senior role requires much more than a 9-5.

He has been fine with the arrangement all this time. It's what was agreed before having a family. Also I have chronic health issues so wouldn't be able to return to a previous occupation. I don't have much time for paid employment as I have a lot going on with a busy family.

@2chocolateoranges

There is also a huge judgement towards SAHM’s who “rely” on their dh’s financially and that they have no career ambitions etc etc.

But never judgement towards women who “farm out” their children to childcare providers?

This thread is full of it…

I’ll be the first to admit that it can work both ways and some people can be judgmental of SAHMs but this thread has been full of really toxic judgement of working mums. And not so subtle implications that the children are being neglected and damaged in nursery.

On a previous thread, I was called sick for sending my baby to nursery.
On this thread, where do I begin? Someone implying that a dog would be treated better than my baby and someone simply saying ''poor baby'' in regards to my child.

I'm sorry but the judgement isn't comparable at all. Not even a little.

Because the mums still have all the house chores to do alongside full time work. You can work part time though. Why do SAHM think you need to be at home 7 days a week?

There is also a huge judgement towards SAHM’s who “rely” on their dh’s financially and that they have no career ambitions etc etc.

people should just get on with their own lives rather than judging how others live their lives.

Those husbands are called providers
Working mothers are called selfish

This exactly. It's the double standards.

When men do it they are "providing for their families". When women do it they are "materialistic" (don't forget the money is always for shoes and cars) "cruel", or "outsourcing their family life".

I think the frustration is that some of those who are SAHM’s judge working mothers when it is likely that their husbands spend the same amount of time with their children as you just said.

Those husbands are called providers
Working mothers are called selfish

Why is it, on here, that women who work and have nurseries caring for their kids are 'doing it all' and will say they feel they still spend loads of time with their kids (even if it's an hour in the morning and 2 hours in the evening or some such) - but if a man works the same hours while, shock horror, his wife has the kids (rather than a nursery) he is deemed to be an 'absent father?' This makes no sense.

Absolutely sahm more often than not means lone parenting with an absent father.

She does the most relentless work, he reaps the benefits.

Trap to control women.

After a few years at home most can't return to their careers.

Mum's don't have to sacrifice a career. Both my husband and I reduced our working week by only 1 day each to cover childcare alongside a couple of days at nursery. Certainly kept my career, I'm sure you can make it work if you and your husband are on the same page

Those crying babies you mentioned - do you know what they are like at home? If you think it was down to the environment in nursery - did you report it?

Do you think children in nursery would have been better off with no roof over their heads, limited food, and stressed arguing parents as long as they aren't in childcare?

Does the state pay for you to stay at home? Or a man? Either way you aren't teaching your children independence or work ethic.

Does it have to be the mother staying at home?
Or is there a rule you subscribe to about dads not allowed being nurturing or full time caregivers to their own children? Nor must a man's career suffer?

Full time shool in the UK starts at 4, do you not think it would create immense trauma if the child hadn't been separated from the mother before?

Do you know it's not a new development, and throughput history poor women worked and had children in childcare and rich women didn't work and still had childen in childcare and didnt see them for more than a few minutes a day?

More importantly a mother unhappy, dependant in a man or the state, isn't what's best for child development