To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career...

You do realise not all jobs can be picked up later and there’s more to a job than money? If you don’t want people to judge you being a SAHM, then don’t judge working mothers who put their children in childcare. Works both ways.

Nordicrain - It's AIBU and there will be a range of views. Would I put an 18 month old in full time childcare for a job I could pick up later, if I didn't need the money? No personally. Having said this, an 18 month old is a very different matter to a 12 week old.

And @norestguests for someone who doesn't care and is only bothered about very small babies in childcare, you are oddly still here coming up with pro-SAHM and anti-working mum arguments....

I admit I have a view on very small babies in nurseries full time.

Actually, your view has changed a bit as the thread has gone on and you've been pulled up on what you are saying. You originally commented that it was a shame for OP to hand over her 18 months old (hardly a little baby?) to childcare just so she could work.

You really are being silly and dense right now

My POINT mentioning my hours was it fits into school hours pretty much, which means I DON’T miss anything with my children. I’m not missing anytime with them and I DON’T have to sacrifice my career. I CAN do school school runs 3-4 days a week and MAINTAIN my career.

So, all this talk of sacrificing is nonsense especially when a women has a office job which are 99% hybrid/remote now.

Men can choose this and be flexible, but many times they don’t. Hence, want to be facilitated by SAHM such as yourself.

Hours are important because before women would quit their jobs and look for a school hour job and term time. Now they don’t need to, with hybrid and remote working.

Insecure because I want women to work full time and not be dependent? Embarrassing because I want women to have equality and a seat at the table?

You sound ridiculous. It’s not the 1950’s anymore.

All this talk of careers aren’t important doesn’t apply to your husband clearly. Pathetic.

Yup, I’m also embarrassing myself because I want women in the workplace to be treated equally and fairly.

You need to learn how to quote.

I have never said women who work don't raise their children. Work doing what and where? What are you even talking about? I admit I have a view on very small babies in nurseries full time. I would not be the only one. But, as for women in general who work (as in most of the world) how long is a piece if string? It depends on the individual. I mean a woman who spends half the year abroad is going to be doing less hands on parenting than someone who works 8-4. This is obvious.

As for working dads, the same applies. Some dads are more hands on than others, irrespective of whether the wife works or not. My DH is around most if the time these days as he WFH and he's never worked set hours so always been flexi, but some periods are busier than others and sometimes he travels. Other men with SAHMs will vary, as much as men whose wives work. The whole thing is daft. Why do people think that just because there is a SAHM, that's it, the husband does nothing? If you work and think you are still a parent, what is the difference with a man? The only difference is the mum has the kids, not a nanny or a nursery or a relative.

The only people embarrassing themselves are the ones who think women who work full time don’t raise their children, don’t spend time with them, don’t value them but don’t apply the same things to their husbands.
Apparently gender is the only difference.

careers are important- to be honest though you can be around for a few years when your kids are young and still have a stellar career. But if you never work at all you have missed out on a huge part of adult life.

im a single mum too. I think there’s a lot to be said for being self sufficient. I see so many women who depend on their husbands for things like driving and managing money and finances as if they are children. No thanks. I love being a capable adult.

sorry that was to @anonymousxoxo

Of course most women work in a variety of roles and why on earth wouldn't they? It doesn't need justifying. Who cares if you work 8-4 or 10-6 or whatever? Nobody.

You just sound a bit silly going on and on about SAHMs and your projections just sound like insecurity. As I said, you really don't know who you are talking to on here. You don't know what their financial circumstances are; what their husbands do or don't do. You know nothing. Please stop embarrassing yourself.

@rumun88
I've been offered a job as a GP receptionist and I would love to take it. But it's only £10.42 an hour and with it being weekdays we would need to pay childcare. Basically with the summer hols coming up, childcare for both kids would cost more than my wage.

See, this is what get me about threads like this. It's such a narrow view. Look at it all year round: you'll definitely be making more money than you spend on childcare. You only have one child in nursery anyway- the older one is just wraparound school care. Plus before too long you'll get 30 hours a week for the younger child funded for you.

It's absolutely not inevitable that women have to sacrifice their careers (I returned to work even when childcare for our children did genuinely cost my entire salary for years- because in the past there were no free hours) Women don't have to jack in their work life when they have kids... a decision you can make with your partner.

Also joint accounts aren’t everything especially when you split up! It’s so easy to empty out a bank account and redirect salary to a new account. Then, what will SAHM do? Not to mention offshore bank accounts that rich people use to hide income!

There is 0 point working minimum wage or working evenings, just for 3-5 years when women can improve their career, progression, get promotions and salary.

Especially with hybrid/remote working, I work 8-4 and do drop off and pick up minimum 3 days a week. 8-4 is pretty much school hours.

100% to all of this and women having to rely on an “allowance” from their husband 🤢🤢

I don’t get this talk about careers aren’t the behold for women yet for men it’s ok.. without HIS career SAHM wouldn’t have food on the table, house and bills won’t be paid. Then, what? It’s okay for men to have careers and work full time but for women it isn’t.

Children are little for such a short time. Are careers really the be all and end all ? When we look back at our lives I don’t think we will view it as a sacrifice at all .

I reckon there's plenty of women of retirement age, using foodbanks, in insecure housing, not able to turn on the heat who wish they'd put a bit more time into their career.

That's what drives me (well, that and no choice as a single mum) - I want my kids to be able to do things now, without leaving myself impoverished once they've grown and flown the nest.

And I've made every sportsday/play/many matches, I've been there to drop of their bag when they've forgotten it. - and the only reason I could was I had a career - ie I'd been working long enough, was senior enough, that I can do that - women who dip in and out of work, who work around their kids at minimum wage stuff are doing all that work, and still don't have the security I do. It makes me so angry for them.

I mean I guess it’s even possible I’ll look back and feel proud of both my career and have happy memories of the time my kids were small, because the human experience can contain multitudes and going out to work doesn’t preclude me from doing a shitload of parenting.

I never missed a single sports day,assembly etc mainly because I was in a senior position and could take time off during the day and catch up later
Flexible working must make that much easier

Agree with this. Don’t know why doing something meaningful or successful or something you won’t wouldn’t be something you look back on and value. In general in society we celebrate people’s professional achievements, but once it comes to women looking back at their lives they are only going to look back at how much time they spent with their kids, everything else will pale in significance. It’s just rubbish. Especially as our children will play a smaller and smaller part of our lives the bigger they get. I mean we won’t love them any less or care less, but it’s part of life that they go off and make their own lives.

My issue is that it is generally only expected for women to sacrifice their careers due to how sexist our society is.

Sacrificing my career would absolutely not be a privilege to me.

Of course they were. Both directly and implicitly. You cannot demand respect for your choices while you look down your nose at others’. Well you can but it makes you look like a bit of a dick.

Are careers really the be all and end all ? When we look back at our lives I don’t think we will view it as a sacrifice at all .

This point gets raised frequently on threads like these.
I'm incredibly proud of my career and all I've accomplished. I will look back on my life, my career and all of the amazing places and experiences it's given me.

I'm also incredibly proud of my son.

It doesn't have to be an either/or situation.

The thing is some SAHM love it but but kids do grow up. Also people have bills to pay I think if money was no object in life. Many things would be different

You wouldn’t have a house or be able to pay the bills if your dh didn’t have a career. How naive.