To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career...

I didn't sacrifice my career. I'd spent years working hard and building it to the point I had, there was no way I was giving it up when I had a child. Sure it's a lot more challenging managing childcare as well, but there wasn't much option as I'm the main earner in the household. Besides, I love my job.
Everything is a choice, some are more difficult than others. Go back to work, or don't, but own your decision.

All part of having kids is only working around your husband?? Is it though??

What a ridiculous outlook! What did I even read. Mind blowing that women can think like that in this day and age.

@Mumtothreegirlies do you not see your privilege here? You've been able to have 3 children and be a SAHM to them, happily.

I'd love a 3rd child but cannot afford it - we have a mortgage and household bills which require our joint incomes, DH and I earn very similar salaries to one another and so he couldn't fund my not working, nor I his. We waited 4 years between kids to ensure only one set of childcare fees at a time, Instead of putting other women down for their lifestyle choices maybe realise that others have to make decisions based on their own circumstances, be that fewer children, childcare or not.

I don't find it to be a ball ache at all. It can be difficult at times but it's worth it.

Plenty of memories can be made with both parents working too.

“Mums” don’t “have to” do anything.

In the 21st century, having children is a lifestyle choice. Emphasis on the word “choice”. It isn’t compulsory, and many people make different and equally valid lifestyle choices.

Having made that choice, parents then need to plan, adapt and organise their work lives to accommodate their childcare responsibilities as they see fit and find solutions which work for them and their families.

- so we pay a ridiculous amount on nursery (2k a month) we can't have a 2nd child until this ones in school cus we simply cant afford 2 at nursery! it sucks cus id like another one soon - but have to be realistic

Maybe you should look into getting a better paid job then.😂

Childcare costs don't last forever. Once they're at school it starts to get better and when they're teenagers you will actually notice the pay. I would think about what you prefer doing and what gives you the most satisfaction.

It was a nursery in a private school with excellent ofsted. I’ve also worked in a popular uk chain of crèches and the situation was the same. I’ll be honest with you I don’t think babies ‘belong’ in nursery no. I don’t think it’s the best place for a baby when they can’t talk or walk. I understand many have no choice but IF there is a choice it’s always best for a baby to be with a parent.

Yeah, and what about the father @Lambiriyani ? Or does it HAVE to be the woman who does it?

What if their mother is fucking useless?

Why assume that idiots miraculously become god-level child-rearers just because they've given birth?

(Not implying that the OP is fucking useless, obviously, before anyone dives in!)

Nothing whatsoever wrong with not wanting to sacrifice your career/life to staying at home with children.

But in reality you could have gotten a better paying job before you had children and had more money to pay for childcare - but you chose not to and that's absolutely fine too!

How fucking patronising and quite insulting to all the carers, cleaners, teaching assistants, retail workers and all the other under- paid workers out there.

Yeah you are right. Women should stay in the home where they belong. Wouldn't want to cause all those hard working husbands a ball ache.

No it’s ball ache having to arrange childcare, worry about what if your child’s unwell, worry what to do in the holidays, burden family with needing help, worry about deadlines and meetings whilst also trying to be a good mother and think about your child’s needs too.
I don’t see the break I took looking after my babies as losing independence personally. I see it as a chapter in my life with lots of happy memories made that I look back on fondly.

I’m all for women having independence etc but it’s a ball ache and let’s face it you’ll still be expected to do the majority of household things.
Good lord.

You already said on a different current thread though that they basically did the bare minimum to get through the day. The nursery you worked at doesn't sound decent at all.

You also clearly believe that babies don't belong in nursery so there will be some confirmation bias too.

eh this isn't true at all. it's your reality because your husband happens to be the higher earner.

But in reality you could have gotten a better paying job before you had children and had more money to pay for childcare - but you chose not to and that's absolutely fine too!

Early years is just a few years though so I personally think its worth working and paying a lot on childcare - it might feel pointless as you are only bringing in so little to the pot - but its worth way more - your pension - not having a gap on your cv / not dipping out of the workforce. what if your husband left you - then you'd be really screwed if you didn't have your own income

you will be in a way better position once your kids are in school and can work more then.

loads of people have no family help - i don't they all live in a different country - so we pay a ridiculous amount on nursery (2k a month) we can't have a 2nd child until this ones in school cus we simply cant afford 2 at nursery! it sucks cus id like another one soon - but have to be realistic

id take the job you'll be glad in a few years that you did

Women having independence is a ball ache? Really?

It depends on the child and the childcare provision they’re in. When I worked in childcare it was mixed bag with many children deeply unhappy and some not bothered at all. A lot of parents don’t realise or even consider how their children are feeling deep down, and because those children have spent their lives in childcare they’ve learnt to self sooth and not bother their parents with the truth, and on top of this the parents are too busy with their careers to even notice.

sorry to hear you're struggling again @Turfwars you have seen the other side once before and know it can come again. We're just coming out of the end of the FT childcare fees and have been so stretched for the last 2.5 years, there's credit card debts etc from where we've not had the spare for a new washing machine or car repairs but - as of September our £1200 a month childcare bill reduces to £300 a month, the other side is in sight. It has been a tough tight couple of years - which we knew were coming but in practice have been hard, and yet still neither of us considered dropping out of work to counter it.

I get that these things are important but I think it’s a very reasonable thing to have a gap on your cv that says I took a break to care for my children, and as an employer I would never see that as a negative. As for pension contributions is that not a joint thing too? If a couple decides to have a child a Couple of years of no pension contributions is a small sacrifice to make to be with your baby and as far as I’m concerned when you retire your pension pots are joint just as your accounts were before you retired.

Why did you go back to work part time ?
Was it financial reasons or for your sanity?
If not financial then h would be keeping the house anyway so maybe try looking at it differently . Whatever the cost to your h for extra childcare equals your happiness.
If you had a very well paid career at the time of having kids and it was you staying home your husband would have had a lot more to pay in childcare had you returned to this career . It’s a bonus the family pot has had all the while
you have been a sahm.

what’s more important to you ?
Working and being with the kids part time and more money to spend
or a job with prospects , less time with the kids and less money for a year .

Having happy, fulfilled parents and good childcare from whoever provides it is best for child development. Hth.

Exactly this.

I refused to sacrifice my job. I think I've got a good 'un with DH but I've read too many mumsnet threads and know the rug can get pulled out from under any mother who takes the hit for the family.

Not gonna lie, the first year after maternity leave my salary covered the rent, the childcare and a weeks worth of grocery. We were so broke and stretched.

But now years down the line, DH got unexpectedly made redundant with a paltry redundancy, he also has some current health troubles so is currently very limited what kind of jobs he can apply for and I'm so glad I stayed working. I'm on 10k more than I was back then, we've pooled childcare with another family so we don't pay that bill any more, and while we are pretty broke again, I'm not all that worried because my salary will just about cover us if we are careful.

No, he didn't. I wouldn't have married a man like that of course.

I didn't mean it literally, as in men are saying "childcare is your responsibility as a woman" (although I bet some do). But they are saying it, by prioritising their own careers and encouraging women to stay at home.

Maybe they do want it. Maybe it's what they feel they should want as they believe it's what mothers should do because that's what our society tells them. But they pay the price. As we can see if OP. And so does society and other women because it perpetuates the gender gap and domestic allocation of work according to gender stereotypes.