To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career...

Oh give me a break, how on earth is formula pushed in the uk? It’s illegal to advertise it, you can’t run any offers on it and midwives aren’t even allowed to give out advice on how to use formula safely. So which bit pushes formula?

The reality is breastfeeding is irrelevant when it comes to women in the workforce given maternity leave in the uk can be 12 months plus annual leave is accrued, and a 1 year old won’t need to be fed throughout the day.

Ask yourself why this is the case. There are several possibilities, some of which include the pushing of formula at new mothers and the political left’s contempt for motherhood while simultaneously going after children with trans ideology. Who Even the word mother is under assault. As is the word woman.

Ponder until the light begins to dawn.

The reason is usually because both parents need or want to work.

"Our breastfeeding rates are terrible though. By 6 weeks, the majority of babies are formula fed."

This is not a reason or excuse to put babies in day centres though.

Our breastfeeding rates are terrible though. By 6 weeks, the majority of babies are formula fed.

I have the same work pattern as you. Initially I worked 2 weekdays and a weekend. Dh wfh on the two weekdays to support me. He then compressed his hours so our current baby does not need childcare. We too have no family support. We've both made sacrifices. I decided to reduce my hours because when we met I was already earning at the ceiling in my profession. Dh was earning a lot less than me. Dh has the capacity to earn a lot more through promotions, has a payrise every year and gets a sizeable bonus every year whereas it just isn't a thing in my industry. Overall that is better for our family than if I was still working fulltime. He has always supported me working whatever hours I choose and now I'm freelance will change his day off (with enough notice) if I need to pick up a shift on a different day.

It's about what works best for your family and supporting each other.

It does apply to fathers. If you notice, I did not specify mother or father in my post. Both mother and father should prioritize their children when navigating a balance between being with their children and making enough to pay bills and have fulfilling careers. Sometimes the father is better suited to care for the children while the mother works.

A big part of the reason mothers take care of babies is because they breastfeed them, this is simply a fact. Logic.

In OPs situation though her family is “worse off with mum working” if she takes the receptionist job.

If OP wants to work full time and her partner quits work or reduces hours then they would be even worse off as she’s said he’s a much higher earner than her.

No, the family is worse off with both parents working, so both parents need to look at flexible working, staggered shifts, etc. Eg DP and I work so he does an early start early finish, I do a late start late finish, so we can use a shorter childcare day, which works out £10 per day cheaper.

Framing the cost as “worse off with mum working” still suggests the issue is the woman’s to solve, generally by quitting. Nothing to stop men asking for flexible working or adjusting their working pattern to try to reduce the childcare bill.

It would only be a short term situation though until the children are in school.

For OPs situation she could easily walk into another min wage job.

Very short term view. Staying out of the labour market for longer will reduce that parent's potential earning power.

Well then the family is worse off with mum working if the husband is the higher earner in that situation. How many families can afford to be at a loss really?

My point was that it is a family cost. Not a mum cost. The cost is incurred by dad working too.

.....did you not understand?

That was literally the point I was making though…did you not understand?

When finances are shared everything goes in one family pot, so if OP is making a LOSS working due to childcare the family pot would be making a LOSS.

When you share finances that means that all income goes into one pot and all expenses come out of the same pot.

Childcare is needed when both parents work and therefore it is a joint expense. Not his or hers, but ours.

Don’t these judgy posters take maternity leave? How long are you breastfeeding for?

You really don't have to sacrifice your career at all. I never have and I'm 5 kids in. I've currently got 5 in 4 different places but I make it work because I want too.
I reduced my hours to 3 days when they were very young and now just upped to 4 days a week. Thankfully my employer is flexible.
I couldn't have been a SAHM, it would really affect my mental health.

@rumun88 this is a great idea.

How can you share the cost when either way the family pot is either the same or in OPs situation worse off?

Completely agree with this.

Me and DH have always shared parenting equally and regard each other's careers as just as important. Childcare is a family cost - not a mum cost.

Why does this only apply to mothers though? Plenty of fathers go back to work and not many even go part time.

It is difficult to try to continue much the same as if you didn’t have two small children but the reality is that something has to change. Work hours may have to be reduced for a few years, all sorts of ways to prioritize your children while not cutting all ties to career. There are different times of life. This is that magical time when you have little ones. But don’t worry too much because this time will go by in the twinkling of an eye. You will be totally free as before to pursue time with others besides your children, be a part of a team that doesn’t include your children, be a dental nurse or a receptionist. That time will come sooner than you think. When I had my baby, little old ladies and moms of adult children would tell me how fast it all goes by. I thought I understood what they meant. I would smile and say yes I know! And they’d look at me in the eye with a look that said, no you don’t know but you will.

I wouldn't take the job but look for something else part time altogether, like 3 days a week or so with no weekends. I appreciate it may take a while to find such a job, but they do exist. I think you need a happy medium. I think the GP job is too much of an undertaking for no extra money.

What if their father wanted to stay at home with them instead of you?

It's true that children don't benefit from having a depressed or anxious SAH parent. I do think it's better to own that if it applies to you, rather than pushing through as a SAHM and making yourself ill.

I was the total opposite in that if I had to leave my kids with someone else all day, that would have made me persistently depressed and anxious. I would have felt as if something had been ripped out of me. No way in hell would I have done that unless it was 100% necessary for survival. It's important to be able to own that as well, if that's how women feel, rather than pushing through at work and making yourself ill.