To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career...

Some interesting posts re human animal side of us that drives us to procreate when really many women want something else entirely.

I do feel with ai and synthetic humans we will get to a stage where many couples won't have babies in the traditional way.
They will be able to have families more suited to their needs and work commitments.

Do you need the money
Do you need a break?
Do you hate worming weekends?
Around me the are so many jobs at different times even bar work, one or two two evenings somewhere nice to talk to people!
I would personally keep looking for something that suits you.

You have now! Several nurseries around me are from either 6 weeks or 3 months so I'm definitely not alone.

A long maternity leave was never my plan.

Guess it’s the circles you move in. I know lots of self-employed women who all officially went back c. 4 months but in truth never really stopped: writers, mostly. The books still come out and the copywriting and typesetting and publicity and draft delivery schedule is set way in advance and the juggernaut continues despite having a baby. And I know a couple of high earners who went back around 12 weeks but continued doing the night feeds, because breastfeeding, though in both cases their husbands stayed home, rather than them using daycare. Oh and two lone parents in my NCT group who both had to go back early for financial reasons. It’s not unusual. With cost of living it’s probably more unusual to take the full year off rather than going back when the money stops.

I've never come across anyone who went back to work before 6 or 7 months. Most people I know take at least a year, or a few years at least. Not because they have to - but because they actively want to. It's a very primal instinct and also it's very difficult to trust others with your baby, or trust they could provide the same care and bond as a mother.

Awesome. If you had the right childcare and were not fulfilled at home with your child.

I think you’re in the minority though, most mothers would not want to go back so early. Some mothers choose to be stay at home mothers. You didn’t, that’s cool but others do and are happy at home with their children.

I hate how anytime a woman doesn’t want to be a SAHM (if finances allow) people will come in droves to talk about how much better it is for a child’s development to be around their mother. The implication here is always that if a woman doesn’t want to sacrifice and take a supporting role in the family the way men don’t have to, she’s selfish.

People can delude themselves all they want but the truth will always be that the ‘provider’ in the relationship will always be the one with more power. It works when times are good and when you’re loved but it’s all too easy for that to change when you’re not longer in your partner’s good graces. There’s a reason why so few men will accept being in a dependent position because if you’ve been on the other end you’d know how different it feels.

That being said, I know a scary number of women under 35, particularly financially independent ones, who are now completely shunning motherhood. Don’t blame them tbh. Unless you really love children and want a family it’s tough for women. Women will often put the whole family’s interest before their own. Who will do the same for them?

Yes some of us have no choice.

A lot of us absolutely do.

There is no choice if you are a lone parent of children with additional needs.

YABU simply for having a misleading title. I might be mistaken but it doesnt sound like you sacrificed your career, because you didnt have one. People have choices and you didnt establish yourself in a career because you didnt want to wait to start a family. Of course there could be specific reasons why, but now you can start working towards your career goals you seem annoyed you need to pay for childcare.
Plenty of women have careers and children. Men are less likely to give up their careers for the family because they're less invested in having children.
Is your real gripethe lack of cheap childcare?

Haven't you already posted about this new job?

I was bored out of my mind. I was ready to get back to some kind of normal and craved the mental stimulation work gives me.

"I went back at 3 months. I didn't need to but I wanted to."

Could I ask why you felt you wanted to @SouthLondonMum22? Don't reply if you'd rather not.

I know. I brought up the breastfeeding rates because a pp said it is usually women who look after babies because they breastfeed.

That isn't true because by 6 weeks, most babies are formula fed and like someone else said, it isn't relevant due to how long mothers usually take for maternity leave.

🙄🙄🙄🙄

How many times have you said that to a man then? Do they need to give up work to be a real father? Or is that somehow ~not the same~

You dont have to sacrifice your career but then again why have kids if you want a career

Going back to work at 6 weeks is incredibly unusual in the UK and has very little to do with our poor breastfeeding rates.

They don't have to.

We have 2 under 3 so have to pay for both to go to a childminder. We both work full time. We have no help. I've actually just taken on a new job, better money and can work 1-2 days a week from home.

We are skint and really have to reign it all in, we live a simple life for now but in another year the hard work will pay off.

Have you looked at the long term? You mention summer holidays costing a lot for childcare, but what about September onwards? And I'd look into the pay rises as a receptionist - because working in a cafe 2 days a week might be ok now but it's really a stopgap type of job. If you're not planning more kids, I'd look at what you want to be doing in another say 3 years when the little one starts school. Do you need to study to retrain?

I totally agree that it's not defensive to challenge that comment. I think the coment itself comes from a defensive place from the person making it.

I went back at 3 months. I didn't need to but I wanted to.

I don't feel ashamed at all to be a working parent. I also don't think it's defensive to challenge comments such as working parents don't raise their children.

Noone needs to go back to work before six months nor is it common to do so

Don’t talk rubbish. Noone is pushing formula. Breastfeeding is rammed down women’s throats in the uk. Even so we have the legal right to a year off and even if you wanted to breastfeed after that it could be done outside working hours for a one year old.

It's really interesting how emotive this topic is. If this was a men's forum I really think there would be genuine "you do you" sentiment.

We seem to feel ashamed if we work, ashamed if we don't, and it makes everyone very defensive.

It would be nice if childcare costs were such that average income families had more choices on this subject at the early years stage.