To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career...

*here

Do you know what I hate? "What's the point?"

YOU said that, YOU are making this choice. You need to look beyond the length of your nose to the future. When I had babies I was working 4 days a week, commuting 1.5 hours each way on a train whilst studying for my post grad barely earning a penny, when I finished that I worked 5 days a week commuting 100 miles a day bringing home less than £200 a month. These were short lived very necessary years (had my kids unintentionally young). DH had to work away for months on end (similarly trying to push his own potential, we were the same age) But now I earn more than twice my husband, I WFH, I am there for every school play, sports day, etc etc. by the time eldest started school I was earning 3 times as much as when I had him, and had gotten my self in the position to be flexible which is much more useful at school age.

Yeah it's hard and not always fair, yeah my kids went to childcare, but I'm hear for them more now than most parents I know (especially the ones that step out of work and go back to more restrictive roles lower down the ladder). If you have the attitude you have now you will always stay where you are, look at the future you want. And unless you literally cannot afford to eat, stop weighing up what you individually bring to the pot financially during the early stages of a career in the childcare years, you're playing a long game.

Do people not expect their DHs to provide for them?

No

If we'd decided together that him being the provider was the best thing for our family then that's one thing. However, I would never have just expected him to provide for me.

Why do you equate working mothers with children “suffering”? What a strange POV.

If you feel so strongly about being a 'dependent' then get your DH to work more flexibly as well. A 12 week old baby does not need to be in a nursery 8-5. That's nearly their entire daily experience.

It’s not about power games. It’s showing your children (especially daughters) that they don’t have to be supporting characters in everyone else’s lives when they grow up.

Do you level the same criticism towards men? What’s best for a family imo is a situation where both parents are equal parents and take on the same parenting responsibilities and work. Not one where one is a ‘provider’ and ‘dependent’.

So while you're playing petty 'power games' with your DH, it's your child who suffers? Why do you think it's all about you and what's 'best' for you?

People who believe there isn’t a power imbalance when someone is the provider and another the dependent are delusional imo. It’s one thing when you’re in your partner’s good graces but you will always be at their mercy when the relationship gets rocky or if they decide to stop providing for you unconditionally anymore.

@rumun88 your superannuation will increase if you take the receptionist position, and childcare arrangements and costs will be easier once your youngest child starts school

Would you and your husband be able to share the childcare drop off and pick up ? Can he drive the oldest child to before -school -childcare , and you do the driving for taking the youngest to childcare ?

Do you want to work part time as a GP receptionist and would the employer consider you to ‘job share ‘ with someone?

Don't worry, they only feel sorry for your child if it's a choice, not a need.

They may go to nursery for just as many hours and just as many days as my child but because it isn't a choice for you, you are the better mother in their eyes.

I don’t get why women or perhaps men on mumsnet are questioning other women’s choices to have both a career and a child on this thread?
Do you have a daughter, stepdaughter, or niece @Lambiriyani @MysteryBelle @Ontheperiphery79 @norestguests ?
Do you want her to have equality in her career, and life or do you believe she should not have the same choices in her career once she has a child ?
I applaud @SouthLondonMum22 for her choices and have faith that she is just as wonderful at being a mum as she is with her chosen career

To all the posters saying how can you put your child in nursery all day... what about people who can't afford to give up work? My request for part time was declined so I'm not sure what else I'm meant to do if I want to pay my bills...

I earn more than DH. I don't need or want him to ''provide'' for me.

"living off a man" - marriage is a partnership with or without DC
Do people not expect their DHs to provide for them?

and I don't get living off of a man. We all have things we don't get.

Other people see your child awake more than you do. That’s how you like it. I don’t get it. But ok.

🙄

@SouthLondonMum22 poor bloody child...

Of course you mean to be judgemental. Why did you ask otherwise? At least be honest about it.

Neither of us plan on giving up our careers so yes, full time until he starts school.

So that's it - 45 hours a week in a nursery until he / she starts school? That's most if a child's waking life. I really don't mean to sound judgemental, but I can't understand how a family could do this.

Full time. 7-6 are full time hours at his nursery but he's generally closer to 8-5, sometimes earlier than 5 since we both have flexible jobs.

How many hours is your child in the day centre @SouthLondonMum22 ?

Mine is 7 months now and definitely isn’t the only one who started at the nursery’s minimum age of 3 months.

I worked in nurseries for 5 years and not once did we have a 6 week old baby even though we did officially take them from that age. The average age was 9-12 months in baby room.

Teleport, it's obvious.