To hate how mums always have to sacrifice their career...

I agree with you don't have to have kids. Of course. But you said "you don't have to do what's best for your kids".

I thought it was every parent's wish to do best for their child

Exactly. Had I taken years out I would still be junior and not able to manage my own time. I, like you, have loads of independence in my role thanks to my experience so exercise loads of autonomy over how I spend my time. Of course tehre are times where things are a bit more of a juggle, but I certainly enjoy a very good life balance.

And I agree, it seems like SAHMs on this thread seem to have to bring down working mums in order to justify them staying at home. If you want to stay home becuase you think it's best for you and your family then great for you - but it is a choice. It's not for me and my kids are just fine, see me all the time and aren't dumped with strangers for all of their waking hours.

And 😂at expecting DH to provide for me. Blood hell, this isn't the 1950s! Sure, we are a team and if something meant I couldn't work then yes I would expect him to carry the load, as I would do for him if the reverse happened. But no, I am an adult and can pay my own way. I don't rely on another adult to carry the entire financial burden purely due to the fact he has a penis. Not least, but because what would I do if DH decided to take the penis elsewhere? I can tell you that I would be 100% fine financially, we wouldn't have to move house or even drastically change out lifestyles.

He's 7 months now. Starts counselling next week. 😂

"And that's why there is maternity leave....?"

Yes. I'm really not arguing women shouldn't work! I just think, in the early months, surely your priority is the welfare of your baby, not this attitude of "well if he is the provider then he has more 'power' than me," which seems to be the overriding issue for some.

@SouthLondonMum22 oh I see, how dare you, your kids happy and healthy? Or are they at weekly counselling?

I went back to work at 3 months which is why pp is going on about that age.

I would go back to being a dental nurse, full time, and cover the childcare equally from both your salaries.

It isn’t just the hourly rate or the rate v childcare costs.

On your current hours Are you paying enough NI to count towards your state pension?

As a dental nurse your employer would be contributing to your pension, with the tax rebate on top of your contribution.

You would be gaining experience and pay and promotion prospects.

DH and I did parenting and domestic responsibilities 50/50.

Not all jobs can be fine that way, if one parent has to travel overseas a lot or be on call or whatever, but the default doesn’t always have to be ‘the woman’s career is sacrificed’.

And that's why there is maternity leave....?

cot not fit.

A 12 week old human is completely helpless and disorientated because before 6 months, an infant has no sense of him / herself as a whole being, separate to the mother. It's called the 'paranoid / schizoid' phase - the baby only experiences 'fragments' - eg a familiar voice or smell or being held in a certain way. If they are left, they can have no concept of when you will return because they don't even realise they are separate to you. Gradually babies build up coping mechanisms to cope with the absence of the mother - maybe they find their thumb or they might focus on a particular object in their fit or something. These are called 'transitional objects' to cope with the absence of the mother. It's only at 6-9 months that they have a sense that they are a whole being in their own skin, separate to the mother who is also a whole being and, as a result, there is the realisation that she may leave. This is when separation anxiety usually sets in as a stage to be worked through.

🙄

And I say that as a SAHM for years

Why should it be for the husband to "provide" for the family? Is this 1950?

@norestguests I don't know how long you've been in this game but this argument is SO BORING, I get you need to justify your existence, yes, yes you're a very important mommy, but I promise you, you can't tell the difference between the kids in the playgrounds from loving homes that had working parents vs stay at home parents! It's like bloody feeding and weaning, it's a massive deal at the time, but no one gives a shit in the long term, if a kid is entertained, loved and fed they do alright in my experience. I hate to break it to you, I know you want to think otherwise, but my kids are happy, healthy and have a great relationship with us, I assume yours are the same so I'm not sure why you're so chippy.

"Do you ask men that question when they have a child then continue with their work and hobbies?"

Yes potentially, it's a relationship where both earn roughly similar and neither want to take time out if their careers. I would equally wonder how a father could be ok with his baby spending more time at nursery then at home.

Apparently that’s different … it’s only an issue if the mum also happens to enjoy her job. Martyr mummies only.
Work if you have to but don’t you dare enjoy being away from your baby and the kitchen sink.

I have worked with thousands of women who have not sacrificed their careers after having children. Nobody has to, you chose to.

Do you ask men that question when they have a child then continue with their work and hobbies?

Yes - or their father. But you don't have to do what's best for your kids. Or even have them at all.

Op I can’t really help, I can only say it’s slightly easier when they’re in school but not much because sick days are a nightmare as obviously childcare providers can’t take them and you end up arguing over who takes time off:(

The thing is though If you want to work you need to figure it out, there will be huge benefits in the future when childcare doesn’t cost so much (we were extremely poor until I went back to work and now we can afford to send pur kids to things like swimming, don’t get so stressed over eg clothes or occasions).

I don’t personally think your title is right everywhere anymore- there’s an even numbers of men at the school gates now, and a lot of my friends are the principal breadwinner and their partners do more pickups and housework etc etc. best of luck op, listen to advice here and have a think and a talk and see what you can do, I think you’ll find very few people actually have background support and it’s all doable (if stressful at times!)

We do work flexibly. Both of us. It was ignored to dramatically say how many hours a week he spends in nursery even though one of us picks him up before 5 when it’s possible.

Not in a rush to get back to work.

Well that goes with saying, given the "15 years"...

😂

15 years? How old is your youngest child?

I have been a SAHM for 15 years with multiple children, but wouldn't have it any other way. We are not materialistic people, and I enjoy being around. Not in a rush to get back to work.

OP choose the job that will suit you best. Perhaps going back to dental nursing when the children are both in school.

The simple answer to this is because you chose to have children. That's it. If you have children, and work, they need childcare. It's up to you and your husband as to how you figure this out.

Nobody should have children and expect family support (because this could change at any time).

If you choose to have a family, unfortunately one of the parents will have to sacrifice their job, or the kids will have to be in paid childcare. Doesn't have to be the mother but it seems that it mostly is. I think whoever earns more and is in stable employment should stay in their job - that's logical to me regardless of whether it's mum or dad.

This should all be discussed BEFORE having a baby. It would solve a lot of problems.

It's not about 'working mothers' - it's about the baby. Try looking at it through their experience, rather than your own. If you're not cut out to be home with a baby, even in the early weeks, then that's that I suppose, but sort something out between you and your DH. I'm sorry to say, most people wouldn't even take on the responsibility of a dog if it meant putting them in 'doggy day care' 8-6, 5 days per week. Battersea wouldn't let you adopt a puppy if that was your plan. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but I don't get it.