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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why women only want equality and not revenge?

314 replies

Kingcatnight · 04/07/2023 19:09

Admittedly at the end of my tether with men at the moment so possibly BU but honestly right now I'm really struggling to understand what the majority of men appear to have to offer the world that in any way compares to or competes with the (IMO generally superior) social graces, intellectual power, emotional maturity, problem-solving skills, creativity and overall increased pleasantness of women.

I've spent the past week on the road visiting clients, most of whom are white middle class men in their 50's, and having to feign amusement at various childish jokes involving innuendo (not aimed at me, thankfully) and basic, rudimentary word-play. Before anyone suggests it, these clients bring a lot of money into the business I work for so a frosty response or "calling them out on it" would be ill-advised and incredibly damaging to my employer (and me!) but ye gods I'm sick of the self-satisfied look on their smug faces while they wait expectantly for their pathetic jokes to land and for me to respond.

Spent an hour's train ride today sitting in a packed carriage opposite a man who snorted and cleared his sinuses the entire journey, forcing everyone around him to listen to the sound of the snot going down the back of his throat, all whilst reading the absolutely sickening news that the Taliban are further restricting the rights of women in Afghanistan by closing all hair salons. Hair salons which were already only operating after having spray-painted out any pictures showing female faces on their signage. Women in this country are literally no longer allowed a face, let alone access to basic care, education etc.

And at the other far more superficial end of the scale the past few men I've dated, having gone to great lengths to try and vet them carefully beforehand, have turned out to be self-absorbed, selfish lovers who have clearly always relied on the woman's verbal agility and efforts to carry the entire conversation, and who actually have no interest in women beyond having a captive audience for their own accomplishments.

Weekly I hear of various other male relatives, or husbands/partners of friends and colleagues who generally don't pull their weight and give themselves a massive pat on the back for simply being half-competent at their job whilst contributing very little to home life, while their female counterpart is expected to excel as an employee, mother, partner, sister, daughter, friend, neighbour etc.

I say this as someone who has a very generous, caring father, generally decent male siblings etc, so I am aware "not all men", but I genuinely look around me in amazement at the number of smart, warm, dynamic and impressive women in my life who vastly outweigh the equivalent men and on days like today I can't help but think men don't realise how lucky they are that women are still only striving for equality and haven't taken it upon ourselves to overthrow them entirely...

OP posts:
Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 22:05

goldensky · 04/07/2023 22:02

I live in a nice place by the sea. but we are all old. and we have all, without exception experienced male violence.

Funny that I thought I lived in a nice place where neither myself or my female friends have experience that that I know off. May be mine is not a nice place then like yours?

I'd still suggest you move then it's not normal.

Peppadog · 04/07/2023 22:04

goldensky · 04/07/2023 22:02

I live in a nice place by the sea. but we are all old. and we have all, without exception experienced male violence.

I'm sure most will have experienced female aggression too. I had experienced more female aggression by the time I reached secondary school then my DH has by male friends in his entire life.

goldensky · 04/07/2023 22:02

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 22:00

I think your a bit of an exception and need to move if all of your friends have been assaulted multiple times. As for me I know none, where do you live?

I live in a nice place by the sea. but we are all old. and we have all, without exception experienced male violence.

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 22:01

Lentilweaver · 04/07/2023 22:00

Straw women, deflection etc etc. Semantics really. All the academic theories in the world do not mask the fact that if I am getting into an Uber late at night, I would much rather it be driven by a woman than a man.

That's your perogative and personal feeling none is going to dispute that but it does not make it a hard truth for everyone and certainly not me.

goldensky · 04/07/2023 22:00

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 21:58

No she's using the holy female defection n shield of straw woman. 🤣

I dunno - having a scrap online veres rape and battery. experienced both.know which one i would take.

Lentilweaver · 04/07/2023 22:00

Straw women, deflection etc etc. Semantics really. All the academic theories in the world do not mask the fact that if I am getting into an Uber late at night, I would much rather it be driven by a woman than a man.

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 22:00

goldensky · 04/07/2023 21:54

yeah thats true to a degree but it's so so not equal. Every one of my close friends has been raped or seriously sexually/physically assaulted by a man - many multiple times. Including the lesbians and queer women, Women just do not assault men in this way.

I think your a bit of an exception and need to move if all of your friends have been assaulted multiple times. As for me I know none, where do you live?

SeethFarmer · 04/07/2023 22:00

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Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 21:58

goldensky · 04/07/2023 21:57

She isn't missing the point.

No she's using the holy female defection n shield of straw woman. 🤣

goldensky · 04/07/2023 21:57

Peppadog · 04/07/2023 21:56

Spectacularly missing the point.

She isn't missing the point.

goldensky · 04/07/2023 21:56

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

He doesn't he sounds like he has his eyes open- regardless of how that uncomfortable that makes him as a member of that class himself. kudos and solidarity to him.

Peppadog · 04/07/2023 21:56

Lentilweaver · 04/07/2023 21:53

Will remember this next time I am walking in SE London late at night, and see a group of drunken men. At least they are less aggressive online!

Spectacularly missing the point.

goldensky · 04/07/2023 21:54

Peppadog · 04/07/2023 21:50

Several studies have now shown that women are more aggressive online than men.
Aggression comes in many forms. Women and girls are more likely to use verbal and indirect aggression than males. We all know it, we all experienced it at school. There are positive and negative generalised traits to both sexes.

yeah thats true to a degree but it's so so not equal. Every one of my close friends has been raped or seriously sexually/physically assaulted by a man - many multiple times. Including the lesbians and queer women, Women just do not assault men in this way.

SeethFarmer · 04/07/2023 21:54

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Lentilweaver · 04/07/2023 21:53

Peppadog · 04/07/2023 21:50

Several studies have now shown that women are more aggressive online than men.
Aggression comes in many forms. Women and girls are more likely to use verbal and indirect aggression than males. We all know it, we all experienced it at school. There are positive and negative generalised traits to both sexes.

Will remember this next time I am walking in SE London late at night, and see a group of drunken men. At least they are less aggressive online!

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 21:52

SwordToFlamethrower · 04/07/2023 21:43

My husband is a self declared misandrist. He hates men as a sex class and wants very much for there to be a matriarchy in place. He knows the world would be a better place.

We both want revenge on the men who have committed atrocities.

How about you read this, there are many more accounts of this you can freely look up. But I know you will not as it's easier to stick in your echo chamber bitching.

https://theconversation.com/why-its-important-to-see-women-as-capable-of-terrible-atrocities-149877

Why it's important to see women as capable ... of terrible atrocities

Women continue to be stereotyped as passive and meek. For this reason, international courts often let women war criminals off the hook.

https://theconversation.com/why-its-important-to-see-women-as-capable-of-terrible-atrocities-149877

Peppadog · 04/07/2023 21:50

Several studies have now shown that women are more aggressive online than men.
Aggression comes in many forms. Women and girls are more likely to use verbal and indirect aggression than males. We all know it, we all experienced it at school. There are positive and negative generalised traits to both sexes.

whodawhodaeho · 04/07/2023 21:48

Tempting isn’t it??!! But all out civil war serves no-one…

goldensky · 04/07/2023 21:47

yeah, you are not unreasonable. I don't date or hang out with any men anymore. They are so unevolved as a class. Some individuals OK but the vast vast majority are so disappointing. Im not sure if I want revenge but I would like to just be free of them if that could be in anyway possible.

Liz1tummypain · 04/07/2023 21:44

Some women are catty and bitchy. Some men are cocky thugs. I couldn't say what proportions there are in all these camps. I choose to avoid the people I don't like, regardless of what's between their legs.

SwordToFlamethrower · 04/07/2023 21:43

My husband is a self declared misandrist. He hates men as a sex class and wants very much for there to be a matriarchy in place. He knows the world would be a better place.

We both want revenge on the men who have committed atrocities.

Allmyghosts · 04/07/2023 21:39

WandaWonder · 04/07/2023 21:36

Why is criticising women being uncomfortable?

Apart from anything else we see examples of it on here every day

There is both 'bad' men and women why is that a problem mentioning it?

It's not uncomfortable, I have met loads of horrible women #ahem. Doesn't explain the fact men commit the great majority of all violent crime.

Meerkatdog · 04/07/2023 21:39

Allmyghosts · 04/07/2023 21:37

OK, didn't take much to make you despise women tbh, I have a feeling you were 99.9% there.

You're probably right, I've recently spent too much time on Mumsnet.

Spendonsend · 04/07/2023 21:39

I think it is surreal. Revenge isnt that common as an aim for a movement.

We dont see revenge as the main motivator in post apartheid south africa, or in jewish populations post holocaust, ive not seen huge numbers of decendents of the slave trade seek revenge.

People talk about standing shoulder to shoulder and moving forward together.

Witchcraftandhokum · 04/07/2023 21:38

I also never mentioned violence, but you want me to say things which fit into your carefully constructed, cool-girl fight for what you think is fair. You don't want to listen or even have a go at understanding that some people don't have the same world view as you. You're so stuck in a stereotype that when the world around you doesn't comply with your demands of it you go on the attack. You don't support any women (or indeed human beings) whose views don't comply with yours and then congratulate yourself for it.