Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why women only want equality and not revenge?

314 replies

Kingcatnight · 04/07/2023 19:09

Admittedly at the end of my tether with men at the moment so possibly BU but honestly right now I'm really struggling to understand what the majority of men appear to have to offer the world that in any way compares to or competes with the (IMO generally superior) social graces, intellectual power, emotional maturity, problem-solving skills, creativity and overall increased pleasantness of women.

I've spent the past week on the road visiting clients, most of whom are white middle class men in their 50's, and having to feign amusement at various childish jokes involving innuendo (not aimed at me, thankfully) and basic, rudimentary word-play. Before anyone suggests it, these clients bring a lot of money into the business I work for so a frosty response or "calling them out on it" would be ill-advised and incredibly damaging to my employer (and me!) but ye gods I'm sick of the self-satisfied look on their smug faces while they wait expectantly for their pathetic jokes to land and for me to respond.

Spent an hour's train ride today sitting in a packed carriage opposite a man who snorted and cleared his sinuses the entire journey, forcing everyone around him to listen to the sound of the snot going down the back of his throat, all whilst reading the absolutely sickening news that the Taliban are further restricting the rights of women in Afghanistan by closing all hair salons. Hair salons which were already only operating after having spray-painted out any pictures showing female faces on their signage. Women in this country are literally no longer allowed a face, let alone access to basic care, education etc.

And at the other far more superficial end of the scale the past few men I've dated, having gone to great lengths to try and vet them carefully beforehand, have turned out to be self-absorbed, selfish lovers who have clearly always relied on the woman's verbal agility and efforts to carry the entire conversation, and who actually have no interest in women beyond having a captive audience for their own accomplishments.

Weekly I hear of various other male relatives, or husbands/partners of friends and colleagues who generally don't pull their weight and give themselves a massive pat on the back for simply being half-competent at their job whilst contributing very little to home life, while their female counterpart is expected to excel as an employee, mother, partner, sister, daughter, friend, neighbour etc.

I say this as someone who has a very generous, caring father, generally decent male siblings etc, so I am aware "not all men", but I genuinely look around me in amazement at the number of smart, warm, dynamic and impressive women in my life who vastly outweigh the equivalent men and on days like today I can't help but think men don't realise how lucky they are that women are still only striving for equality and haven't taken it upon ourselves to overthrow them entirely...

OP posts:
Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 08:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SamanthaCaine · 05/07/2023 08:22

Lentilweaver · 05/07/2023 08:03

The problem of course is that many women don't want to be engineers and do the work that shapes our world so heavily. The opportunity is there, there's just no interest, despite people like me visiting schools and doing outreach etc. I've done this for my entire career and it's made very little difference. The progress is glacial.

In my country of origin, India, women* *make up nearly 43% of the total graduates in STEM, but just 14% of scientists, engineers, and technologists. It must be because they are not clever and ambitious like the menz. ( sarcasm).

India has an incredible output of women in STEM and I've worked with some of them. Same goes for countries like Iran. Do the others not go into software or some other field than engineering?

We have a particular problem in the UK and don't think anyone has got to the bottom of it. On the mainland, France generates a lot more than we do, as do other EU countries. We seem to be service oriented.

pollykitty · 05/07/2023 08:20

OMFG I feel this so much. I am so fed up with men. Lately I have been thinking about how much of my life was spent worrying about boyfriends and getting married and I want to cry. So many useless men who have life handed to them if they want it because they are white and male. Reminds me of a Louis CK (yes he is disgusting) joke about being reincarnated and being able to pick your experience: ‘I’ll take white and male.’ At least some men realize how lucky they are. I run my own business and recently was sent an email (not making this up) to propose a budget ‘with you doing 90% of the work’. I just want to punch the screen. So typical.

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 08:20

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Doingmybest12 · 05/07/2023 08:16

I'm interested to know ,if anyone has any stats or insight . Have the big issues/scandals in companies and organisations come to light following more woman being in higher up positions in these organisations ? Have things been noticed and acted on , people held to account more? I've just wondered this ? Not saying woman have a greater responsibility to sort things out but wondering if generally it leads to a change in culture .

SamanthaCaine · 05/07/2023 08:16

midgetastic · 05/07/2023 07:57

Tabitha Babbitt ???

Bravo!

IhaveanewTVnow · 05/07/2023 08:15

The comment about men being clever and inventing! I am 58, at school I wasn’t allowed to study woodwork or metalwork. I could study domestic science, sewing or typing.

we were not allowed to run a marathon until the 1980s!!!!!!!THE 1980s - just think about that. And now we are being kicked out of sport by transgender Women. Men just change the rules if we achieve.

Lentilweaver · 05/07/2023 08:15

Deary me. You think women calling out male violence is nasty? or pointing out that women being kept out of education is cruel? I disagree.

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 08:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Lentilweaver · 05/07/2023 08:10

@Itsdecisiontimeisitnot early 20s but she looks very much younger.

Lentilweaver · 05/07/2023 08:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

That's definitely the same thing.

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 08:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 08:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Lentilweaver · 05/07/2023 08:07

cuckyplunt · 05/07/2023 08:02

We’d have fucked up just as badly, given the opportunity to do so..

Really? On another thread, a mum is complaining that an older man who is volunteering along with her 15-year-old daughter is harassing her and asking if she is a virgin. You think older women generally spend their time harassing young boys? Or they would love to, but just don't get the opportunity?

I cannot count the number of times DD has been harassed by predatory older men.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/07/2023 08:07

There's no real ego with women, collectively. Male ego drives most of everything.

Dh and I were watching Interstellar again last night and I was saying to him how a Mother would literally never do what MMcconaghys chatacter does. Dh insisted we would because it would save the planet.

No, I said, it's a chance to possibly save the planet that many men before him have tried and failed. A mother would hunker down with her ignorant children who didn't know the world was ending and fill their last remaining decades with love and memories. That missing out 7 of their years for every hour I was away would be pointless and its male ego that drove MM to do it.

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 08:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Lentilweaver · 05/07/2023 08:03

The problem of course is that many women don't want to be engineers and do the work that shapes our world so heavily. The opportunity is there, there's just no interest, despite people like me visiting schools and doing outreach etc. I've done this for my entire career and it's made very little difference. The progress is glacial.

In my country of origin, India, women* *make up nearly 43% of the total graduates in STEM, but just 14% of scientists, engineers, and technologists. It must be because they are not clever and ambitious like the menz. ( sarcasm).

cuckyplunt · 05/07/2023 08:02

We’d have fucked up just as badly, given the opportunity to do so..

ThatsAboutEnoughOfThat · 05/07/2023 08:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I have been on Mumsnet since 2003. In that time I have traversed lots of different boards.

Had a couple of babies, been supported through raising them while working and undertaking a degree, a masters, two international moves, a couple of family deaths, all sorts of life's up and downs.

By women. Women who are often fed up of men's bullshit.

Now I am heading into menopause, once again supported by women, some on Mumsnet many in real life, all of them fed the fuck up.

midgetastic · 05/07/2023 07:57

Tabitha Babbitt ???

midgetastic · 05/07/2023 07:56

Next

What's the first name of an amazing astronomer whose surname is Herschel

SamanthaCaine · 05/07/2023 07:55

midgetastic · 05/07/2023 07:29

Let's try a quiz

Who invented computing ?

How about the circular saw?

SamanthaCaine · 05/07/2023 07:54

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 05/07/2023 07:20

Male infuckinventions - what women were easily allowed to progress to inventing - Mozart's sister was as talented as him but she wasn't allowed to study or perform as it was unbecoming for a girl.
Women can't pursue advanced study in research or doctorate in a way men can because of children and childcare and how society forces traditional roles on them.
In much of the world women aren't allowed to participate in schooling or sport or leave the house.
Women don't get a chance to invent or to develop their innate talents.
Almost all of the world's harm, evil, destruction and violence comes from men. Don't compare it to sparky remarks type of aggression online.

But back here in England today, I work with some immensely talented female engineers and scientists who are flourishing.

The problem of course is that many women don't want to be engineers and do the work that shapes our world so heavily. The opportunity is there, there's just no interest, despite people like me visiting schools and doing outreach etc. I've done this for my entire career and it's made very little difference. The progress is glacial.

If women want change, become the change and start actually designing and producing things with female input. Men are happy for that to happen but only if women choose to collaborate. Perhaps then, we may have cars that are safer for women, products that actually meet all of our needs and men don't have to either guess or make things that suit men only.

Your post sounds like a whinge. We need encouragement.

Morewineplease10 · 05/07/2023 07:44

Read the first page of thread - too depressing to read much for but YANBU!!

Full agreement here. I'm in the AMALT brigade!

@Superdupes I'm sadly in the same position as you - and still struggling. Please PM me if you have any tips on processing.

Staygoldponyboystaygold · 05/07/2023 07:41

YANBU

Swipe left for the next trending thread