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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why women only want equality and not revenge?

314 replies

Kingcatnight · 04/07/2023 19:09

Admittedly at the end of my tether with men at the moment so possibly BU but honestly right now I'm really struggling to understand what the majority of men appear to have to offer the world that in any way compares to or competes with the (IMO generally superior) social graces, intellectual power, emotional maturity, problem-solving skills, creativity and overall increased pleasantness of women.

I've spent the past week on the road visiting clients, most of whom are white middle class men in their 50's, and having to feign amusement at various childish jokes involving innuendo (not aimed at me, thankfully) and basic, rudimentary word-play. Before anyone suggests it, these clients bring a lot of money into the business I work for so a frosty response or "calling them out on it" would be ill-advised and incredibly damaging to my employer (and me!) but ye gods I'm sick of the self-satisfied look on their smug faces while they wait expectantly for their pathetic jokes to land and for me to respond.

Spent an hour's train ride today sitting in a packed carriage opposite a man who snorted and cleared his sinuses the entire journey, forcing everyone around him to listen to the sound of the snot going down the back of his throat, all whilst reading the absolutely sickening news that the Taliban are further restricting the rights of women in Afghanistan by closing all hair salons. Hair salons which were already only operating after having spray-painted out any pictures showing female faces on their signage. Women in this country are literally no longer allowed a face, let alone access to basic care, education etc.

And at the other far more superficial end of the scale the past few men I've dated, having gone to great lengths to try and vet them carefully beforehand, have turned out to be self-absorbed, selfish lovers who have clearly always relied on the woman's verbal agility and efforts to carry the entire conversation, and who actually have no interest in women beyond having a captive audience for their own accomplishments.

Weekly I hear of various other male relatives, or husbands/partners of friends and colleagues who generally don't pull their weight and give themselves a massive pat on the back for simply being half-competent at their job whilst contributing very little to home life, while their female counterpart is expected to excel as an employee, mother, partner, sister, daughter, friend, neighbour etc.

I say this as someone who has a very generous, caring father, generally decent male siblings etc, so I am aware "not all men", but I genuinely look around me in amazement at the number of smart, warm, dynamic and impressive women in my life who vastly outweigh the equivalent men and on days like today I can't help but think men don't realise how lucky they are that women are still only striving for equality and haven't taken it upon ourselves to overthrow them entirely...

OP posts:
FourTeaFallOut · 04/07/2023 20:07

I don't want revenge. I want a better playing field, I want a better collaboration, I want an easier world for girls and women to live in.

RoseslnTheHospital · 04/07/2023 20:07

@HadalyEve ouch, nope that's not what I was saying, thanks for the opportunity to clarify. The study was from the 1400s till the start of the 20th century in Europe. During that period female rulers (of which there were many fewer than male) were something like 30-odd percent more likely to be involved in a war. What I was pointing out is that during this timeframe, being a female ruler was fraught with additional difficulties due to their sex. So additional challenges to their legitimacy, their competency and so on. Context, not "the patriarchy made me do it" as an "excuse".

TreesWelliesKnees · 04/07/2023 20:05

Because we've been conditioned to be 'kind'.
Because we're busy raising kids and working hard and carrying the world's mental load.
Because we're fucking knackered.

EdithStourton · 04/07/2023 20:04

YABU.
Revenge tends not to get us anywhere. It just causes more trouble.

HadalyEve · 04/07/2023 20:01

RoseslnTheHospital · 04/07/2023 19:55

@ohfourfoxache someone will shortly post the study that apparently proves that women as queens were more likely to go to war than kings. Whilst ignoring the context of being a female leader in an aggressively patriarchal society.

Well that’s an awfully convenient cop out isn’t it? Even if it’s queens regnant doing it, just blame “the patriarchy” (might as well say Satan made her go to war).

As a Black woman, can I get away with murder due to an “aggressively white supremacist society”? Not a chance.

But a Queen who has supreme sovereign power in her country…she’s a victim in your mind.

TrickorTreacle · 04/07/2023 19:58

I agree that women are the nicer sex, but it will only be a matter of time before we get jumped on by the gender police in this thread!

PandaPouch · 04/07/2023 19:58

YANBU

HadalyEve · 04/07/2023 19:55

If we wanted revenge, then we’d not only be no better than men, but worse than men. And then revenge begets more revenge. Men will avenge themselves back. Is that the future of humanity? A cycle of revenge? the most vicious and bloodthirsty sex wins? Victor standing on a mountain of the dead?

No thanks.

RoseslnTheHospital · 04/07/2023 19:55

@ohfourfoxache someone will shortly post the study that apparently proves that women as queens were more likely to go to war than kings. Whilst ignoring the context of being a female leader in an aggressively patriarchal society.

ohfourfoxache · 04/07/2023 19:52

Yanbu

At all

Say that as mum to 2 DS’s

I’ve always held the opinion that, if women were in charge, there would not be any wars

I’m battling to make sure that my boys are different

CaptainSeven · 04/07/2023 19:52

This cartoon is about something else but it makes me think about what revenge could look like

https://www.boredpanda.com/feminism-gender-equality-comics/?utmsource=google&utmmmedium=organic&utmcampaign=organic

YouAreNotBatman · 04/07/2023 19:50

YANBU.

And I’m always suprised how threads like these are filled with women who do acknowledge everything you’re saying / how awful men are, but still are in relationships with men / have sons (who all are apparently so great). 😉

Amazing how there’s so many great men at homes, but not in the outside world.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 04/07/2023 19:46

yanbu. But as much as equality is out of reach, getting revenge is even further out of reach.

I do tend to view men and women as having different strengths and weaknesses, which if balanced can make an exceptionally great team. But more and more I’m coming down on the side of not liking men very much at all. (Trying to be very polite about my true feeling right now).

MostlyHappyMummy · 04/07/2023 19:44

I think a bigger issue is that most women don't even want equality, never mind revenge.
Unless they're all made up, the threads on mumsnet full of twisting themselves into impossible positions to ensure the males in their life do no housework, childcare (regardless of whether children are step or biological for the woman) or any thinking in a relationship is just shocking

Testina · 04/07/2023 19:43

Family member awaiting trial for raping his daughters. Yeah, plural.
NAMALT, have a father, son, husband (also a brother but he’s not good evidence for NAMALT but at least he’s only physically assaulted women his own age and not raped children…)
Women also commit horrendous crimes… but just not in the numbers of men.
If there’s going to be a (TV) Handmaid’s Tale style retribution moment - I know the “man” I’m starting on.

Superdupes · 04/07/2023 19:41

I thought I had a good one. Turned out he'd been faking it. For 25 fucking years. I'm with you OP.

JamSandle · 04/07/2023 19:41

Our hormones make us nicer.

Phos · 04/07/2023 19:40

Presumably because women, in their oh so superior status, realise going for revenge is about as petty and pointless as your OP.

PrueRamsay · 04/07/2023 19:39

YANBU

DepartureLounge · 04/07/2023 19:38

Spendonsend · 04/07/2023 19:35

But ( in their prime) they are something pretty to look at.

This is true. 😂

onefinemess · 04/07/2023 19:38

OP, are you OK?

DepartureLounge · 04/07/2023 19:38

I couldn't agree more. Men are well aware of it too, which is why misogyny exists. Fear and loathing. They know the only way to avoid being our serfs is to curtail our opportunities, undermine our confidence and, if all else fails, hurt us physically. What a shower they are for the most part. And NAMALT? Well, scratch the surface a bit more and actually they mostly are tbh. Colour me unimpressed at best.

Backstreets · 04/07/2023 19:37

I’ll join in on some man hating, I have to pull an extra shift tomorrow as an employee has gained a stalker and I might have to give the odious worm a talking to, very well knowing he might punch me in the face for it (has that look about him but our security has been useless in handling the situation so far). If he’d taken her no for an answer this summer would have been a lot less stressful so far.

He’s twenty years older than her, too. Pig!

Doingtheboxerbeat · 04/07/2023 19:35

My friends think that I am chronically online, (tiktok specifically) but I see some absolutely abhorrent behaviour from men just asking for my number - so that says all I need to know.
Although saying that - being happily single for a long means that the message doesn't come through for the happily married/settled folk.

Spendonsend · 04/07/2023 19:35

But ( in their prime) they are something pretty to look at.

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