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Original poster

I don't have any friends. Is it me?

54 replies

H0bn0b · 04/07/2023 09:32

Ok so a little background. I've always been outgoing, chatty, but never one to go out on the town, drinking etc. I've always liked going for meals, meeting for coffee etc, admittedly, some may find that a bit boring. I don't gossip, and I struggle to be around gossip type people, especially those who slate each other, but are then best friends to each others faces. I think I'm a nice person, I'm caring and will do anything for anyone.

Anywho, now I'm in my 30s and since covid, I feel no one really makes an effort anymore? I'm close to my mum and sister so do spend time with them. I began to realise I was always the one messaging/arranging things and these were either cancelled or people just didn't turn up so I stopped bothering and now I haven't heard from anyone for well over 2 years. I can't recall doing anything wrong to any of them, I just seem to have been cut out? Not even invited to their baby showers/birthdays etc, when I even arranged two of their previous baby showers, and did the food etc.

I would say my husband is my best friend, we've been together nearly 20 years, but he was unwell last year with cancer, luckily he's ok now but I realised at the time that I had no one to speak to other than family? I cared for him alongside doing everything for our kids too and I just felt really lonely.

Where have I gone wrong here? My husband is supportive and tries to get me out to make new friends, but I feel like I must be a really unlikable person?

OP posts:
DrManhattan · 04/07/2023 09:48

No advice but I don't think it's you. People change and have different priorities over time. TBH I would rather read a book than listen to someone moan or gossip about others

BananaPalm · 04/07/2023 09:46

I could have written your post! I'm in the same situation but my mum lives abroad and I don't have any siblings. My two best friends (known them over 20 years!) over the past year either got too busy for me or found a new social circle. I also stopped bothering with being the first one to initiate contact.

Over the past few weeks it's really been eating me up and I wonder if I'm not, to put it simply, too boring for people. Like you, I really don't know where did I go wrong. Maybe we should have partied crazy and then behaved outrageously? For people to take interest in us? I don't really know.

And the worst thing is that, in all this desperation, I even considered asking them straight "why?". But obviously nobody will tell me honestly why...

Rolloisthebestpony · 04/07/2023 09:45

You sound very similar to me.

I’ve had more luck with people I meet through my hobbies (basically sport). In other circles (eg the school mum circle) I’m seen as a bit boring as I’m not really into wine & gossip.

SecretVictoria · 04/07/2023 09:41

You sound very similar to me. In my case, I’ve moved around a lot. I didn’t go to uni which is where most people seem to meet their lifelong friends. I did join a group when I lived in Kent, but they were all retired or SAHMs, I worked in London Mon-Fri so could never join their afternoon teas/lunches/yoga sessions, only evenings….and that was always based around drinking and I don’t really drink.

I'm not a parent so others who are parents ignore me. Been cut off by two friends of 20+ years; one for not attending engagement party (clashed with another event I’d already paid for before knowing date) and another for not attending wedding (gave over 6 months notice that I couldn’t get time off work and couldn’t afford it).

I have a hobby and have people I speak to there but it’s just chit-chat. I don’t know what the answer is ☹️.

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