Am I an awful a parent as I feel? Third Covid round has messed me up and I’m freaking out.

@Cloxs If you want a buddy for “slower than I’d like” walk back to feeling like you used to, just post when and if needed. I’ve got the thread on my watch list.

Big fat hug. It sucks. And it sucks more that what little energy is available gets somewhat squandered due to developing the hump (made me cry, part sad, part furious) with people who’d like to magic it away with the implication it’s all in your head. Take it slow, because it will kick you hard in the arse if you try to rush it. But you will get the old you back.

You poor people is all I can say!
I thought I was struggling a few weeks after a nasty infection (and then getting hit with another) but in the grand scheme of things I’m doing fine. This thread is also super helpful.

I had the same symptoms in the summer of 2020. Paramedics checked me for a stroke, said I was fine, then left. Understandable given the situation in Italy at the time.

Except I wasn’t fine. Within days I ended up shoved in a CAT scan where little holes were found in my brain. Caused by small blood clots. At the time people were mostly focused on the cough and lung issues. But even back than it was proving to be a fucking thug on some people’s circulatory systems.

It took me another 8 months to get back on my feet properly. I still get the occasional balance/vertigo issue now. Vaccination and repeat infections all took turns to shove me hard back on my arse. Felt very one step forwards, two back for a while.

The better news is today I’m far fitter, stronger, better nourished, more rested, healthier in mind, body & soul than I was pre Covid era. It was a massive wake up call that I get one body, things beyond my control can break it, so I’d best keep it as well maintained as possible to increase my odds of hanging on to all parts of it working for as long as possible.

Big fat hug. Cos I haven’t forgotten how deeply frightened, exhausted and spinny I felt. Take it slowly. Small steps to improvement, like better diet (I can recommend sardines for breakfast if the idea doesn’t make you heave, was worth the distaste for the pay off) , better sleeping, a decent multi-vitamin wouldn’t hurt. Don’t wait for people to understand and be on your side. You have to do what works to get all of you back, no matter what they think the cause is. Which at the time upset me a lot, I felt very, very alone. But in retrospect, was the least of my problems. My mental health was shot to pieces, luckily focusing on improving the physical turned out to be a good place to start helping the mental side to heal.

And I cannot recommend fermenti lattici enough. If you can get the enterogermina brand where you are, go for it. I spent a good 20 years + on this side of the alps suspiciously eyeing up the obsession with chugging gut bacteria. But they turned out to be a real help in the early days when covid seemed to have fucked up every bit of me it could manage.

Yes I did sleep a lot at the beginning. Once I started improving then enforced rest for half an hour several times a day lying down flat with no audio or visual stimulation even if not sleeping helped me regulate my cognitive and physical fatigue. Later on I could reduce how many times a day I rested for.

I've seen CoQ10 recommended on the health boards for brain fog, where someone suffering with either long COVID or CFS was asked to take it 3 x a day, and saw a very fast improvement. I started incorporating it 1x a day into my routine, along with other supplements (already on b12, added a gentle liquid iron, vitamin d, magnesium, other b vitamins and anything that said it helped the immune system and energy basically). I did see an improvement, but whether that was related to supplements or a coincidence I'll never know. I'll try and find the thread, but these are the supplements
https://www.naturesbest.co.uk/co-q10/coq10-200mg/?src=GOCOQOB0C

You say you have brain fog but seem very alert to your blood tests and illnesses. I would suspect health anxiety is playing a major part here.

Sorry people are automatically jumping to health anxiety with possible long covid issues.
more check your iron and have a read about postural ortho static tachycardia syndrome /POTs and PEM in long covid

I realise it's important to follow a routine for overall health. I do think that when you have an active infection letting your body rest as it needs takes priority as you can't always gauge the effort your body is actually making.

As someone else in health etc I know very well it's very hard to do your own 'person centred' approach! All of your 'should' will be overriding your 'can' right now. It does sound as though setting some limits before pushing for more medical help might be needed. I've been in a position of infection after infection and, looking back, I'd used up my mental and physical reserves. Focus on health, recovery and get your mental and workload relieved by those around you as possible. Best wishes!

Cloxs these videos really helped me with knowing how to pace my recovery. You can listen to them in stages.

When I was at my worst I could not plan or organise anything for myself so it might help if someone else can listen to them with you and help make an activity schedule that is manageable for you based on what is realistic.

My CBT therapist helped me with mine at the time, because I was struggling with the guilt of feeling so useless and being unable to parent my children as I would normally.

They also helped me to add in one thing that made me feel good in a day, 10 minutes sitting in the garden in the sun or just opening the curtains and looking out of the window listening to the birds.

Start with basic daily activities like brushing teeth, hair and washing yourself. If you can't shower or bath because it is too exhausting then don't just sit on a chair and wash your face, underarms and private area using a flannel and a bowl of water.

Even sitting up on the sofa for 10 minutes was too much for me at the beginning, but you will get better it just takes time and rest. The first 4 months were the worst then I gradually improved slowly especially cognitively. I am now back at work almost full time.

You’re not doing anything wrong.
Your child will love spending time with their grandparents.

I’m just getting over long covid.
I’ve always been very healthy, have only ever seen the doctor a handful of times in my life and then I got covid.
Physically my symptoms only lasted a few days but the exhaustion, brain fog, slump and shortness of breath have lasted months.

I didn’t go to the doctors about it as tbh I’ve been too exhausted with just trying to get through the everyday work and patenting and as I don’t have physical symptoms I felt it was a bit of a waste of time.
But it may be worth you going there especially with such a young baby.

What I would suggest is forcing yourself out for a walk, even if it’s just 20 minutes as the fresh air and exercise does make a massive difference.

*wasn't depressed that should read.

I had covid at the start of the year- my fourth infection despite being vaccinated- and had chronic pneumonia which was only diagnosed after three months. This contributed to such bad anaemia that I ended up in A&E in April and had to be transfused as well as have IV antibiotics for the pneumonia which had been missed by my GP several times.

It's no exaggeration to say that I felt like I was dying. I really and truly had convinced myself that I was. Since being treated I feel like a new person; not totally back to fighting for yet and will likely be left with some chest problems from the untreated pneumonia- but comparatively I'm so much better and am back to living like a normal person and not in bed all the time.

I'd suggest asking for some thorough blood tests and not accepting "that's normal" as a response for each area; do your own research on the ranges. I had been, for example, told my B12 was "normal" but it was literally the bottom number of normal and it was contributing to my anaemia.

Good luck- it's awful. My doctor had been telling me I was depressed and trying to prescribe me fucking Prozac. I was depressed, my blood was basically useless, red water.

I know the Mum guilt well. I was very unwell after Covid and still have Long Covid years later, but it has got better. At the beginning I had vertigo and had balance therapy with occular vestibular exercises prescribed which along with short term use of prochlorperazine helped. I also had bad brain fog, couldn't cook as I would burn myself or the food and would score on dementia assessments for memory. It has all got better over time with rest, but at the beginning I had a lot of family help as my husband was also very unwell with Covid. Call on all help you can at this early stage. Ignore anyone telling you to just get out and do things, at this stage you need to rest otherwise recovery can be delayed if you push yourself. I have been through the Long Covid Clinic in my area and can give lots of links to resources that might help. PM me if you need to.

This isn’t unusual with covid. The trick is going to be to take it slowly and not rush into doing too much or you will make it worse.
And don’t feel guilty about your parents looking after the baby more than you’d like for now. It’ll be helping you to get better quicker.

This is so true! You can't boom and bust. Don't overdo it then have a day to recover.

Gently gently, not pushing it, just very quietly increasing what you do.

I was similar after my 2nd bout last summer and was very weak, short of breath, and palpitations and just couldn’t get back to normal activities without becoming totally exhausted. My GP advised me to effectively creep up on my stamina, lol…. So just do ‘normal stuff’ for an hour one day then rest, then next day maybe 10 mins longer and so on each day just 10 more minutes. It sounded so bloody obvious and I followed the advice and found that whilst it took a few months to feel fully strong (to do activities like surfing) it took just a couple of weeks to get over the exhaustion and brain fog and be relatively normal. Might this approach help you?

Could it be that KNOWING it is covid is making you feel worse. I know this was the case for some people I know. Stop the testing, focus on how you feel each day and act accordingly.

This sounds hideous. Have you had your bloods done,?

Ahh health anxiety is a bugger.

I wish you well with the therapy.