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Original poster

I've been unfaithful and I don't know how tell DH

960 replies

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 11:48

I know I'm going to be absolutely annihilated for this but please believe me when I say I already feel terrible.

I was at a friends hen party this weekend at a holiday cottage with a group of about 20, on the Friday night a stripper had been hired and it was way more intimate than I was prepared for, he did a bit with whipped cream and a few of us licked off. I would never usually but I was really quite tipsy, there was a bit of crowd pressure and the whole thing was really quite arousing, I know these are lame excuses. I crossed a line and did stuff for way longer than I should.

I know I need to tell DH but I have no idea how to even go about bringing this up, he'll be crushed and I'm so disappointed in myself.

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 04/07/2023 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

YoungerDryas · 04/07/2023 10:57

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 10:53

I mean, the very fact that people calling themselves BigTitsMcStuffin and ShirleyPhallus (those two clearly have something in common) are using it to complain about the sex topic being removed from Trending and make not-very-subtle attacks on female users tells you pretty clearly what the thread's outcome has been... even if you're charitable about its motivation.

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And lots of “See! Women are such hypocrites, such double-standards!” in an attempt to deflect from global sex inequality and prevent fruitful discussion about how sexual exploitation falls under MVAWG and contributes to sex inequality.

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 10:53

ShirleyPhallus · 04/07/2023 10:30

Not actually doing any harm either though is it, this thread

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I mean, the very fact that people calling themselves BigTitsMcStuffin and ShirleyPhallus (those two clearly have something in common) are using it to complain about the sex topic being removed from Trending and make not-very-subtle attacks on female users tells you pretty clearly what the thread's outcome has been... even if you're charitable about its motivation.

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 10:49

ShirleyPhallus · 04/07/2023 10:30

Not actually doing any harm either though is it, this thread

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It's encouraging perverts, trolls and people who want to be abusive towards the OP with misogynistic slurs.

YoungerDryas · 04/07/2023 10:43

ShirleyPhallus · 04/07/2023 10:30

Not actually doing any harm either though is it, this thread

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I think it is.

astarsheis · 04/07/2023 10:31

FloydPepper · 03/07/2023 15:27

Bollocks would you

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I can assure you I would...and actually have. As a one off...just not worth causing the upset. Serial offender...different story.

ShirleyPhallus · 04/07/2023 10:30

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 10:27

Was it? Well I don't mind...it was funny and harmless.

This is just crass, and if it's not a troll or a Herbert then it's still certainly a magnet for them, and they're not funny either.

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Not actually doing any harm either though is it, this thread

ThinkTheresBeenAGlitch · 04/07/2023 10:30

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I think it's the squalid scenario in which it takes place that makes it profoundly unsexy - the OP's phrasing reads like a very clumsy male-written smut story. You refer to people 'screeching' about the sex board and it's similar - it wasn't an objection to sex or things that are actually sexy; the issue is when you get badly-disguised men heavy breathing all over the forum with extremely un-erotic fantasies like this one. It doesn't make a person a dried-up old prude to find the idea of taking turns to lick rancid cream off a stripper's knob in public to be gross and a turn-off, you know!

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 10:28

YoungerDryas · 04/07/2023 10:23

I thought it was funny - the idea of greedily eating bird food 😂

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Haha, yes! But the idea of eating a fat ball and complaining that it's a bit greasy...

YoungerDryas · 04/07/2023 10:27

I remember the ‘Toddler Art’ one. Sheer brilliance.

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 10:27

ShirleyPhallus · 04/07/2023 10:25

The problem is that the first few pages of a thread like this are genuinely funny then everyone starts trying to say funnier things that havent already been said and it all ends up not very funny. With a side of horrible language (any need to call the OP a slag? 🤷‍♀️)

As an aside, penis beaker, snapped & farted etc - they all went the same way. Funny at first but not funny on latter pages.

Fat ball was apparently a troll / made up anyway btw

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Was it? Well I don't mind...it was funny and harmless.

This is just crass, and if it's not a troll or a Herbert then it's still certainly a magnet for them, and they're not funny either.

ShirleyPhallus · 04/07/2023 10:25

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 10:21

A few of them, but it takes more than a couple of of decent pisstakers to make a classic thread. The entire premise has to be what carries it, like a husband eating a fat ball and complaining that it's a bit greedy.

And when it's as much of a magnet for trolls and pervs as this one is, it just doesn't work. I've no idea how it's still up or why MNHQ hasn't commented. Has nobody reported it? Should I?

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The problem is that the first few pages of a thread like this are genuinely funny then everyone starts trying to say funnier things that havent already been said and it all ends up not very funny. With a side of horrible language (any need to call the OP a slag? 🤷‍♀️)

As an aside, penis beaker, snapped & farted etc - they all went the same way. Funny at first but not funny on latter pages.

Fat ball was apparently a troll / made up anyway btw

YoungerDryas · 04/07/2023 10:23

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 10:22

Jaysus, autocorrect hates me today. Greasy, not greedy.

I thought it was funny - the idea of greedily eating bird food 😂

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 10:22

Jaysus, autocorrect hates me today. Greasy, not greedy.

YoungerDryas · 04/07/2023 10:22

Please report

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 10:21

BrimFullOfAsher · 04/07/2023 10:17

I've found a few of the comments genuinely funny 🤷‍♂️

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A few of them, but it takes more than a couple of of decent pisstakers to make a classic thread. The entire premise has to be what carries it, like a husband eating a fat ball and complaining that it's a bit greedy.

And when it's as much of a magnet for trolls and pervs as this one is, it just doesn't work. I've no idea how it's still up or why MNHQ hasn't commented. Has nobody reported it? Should I?

YoungerDryas · 04/07/2023 10:20

BrimFullOfAsher · 04/07/2023 10:17

I've found a few of the comments genuinely funny 🤷‍♂️

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Look at the classics threads pre penis beaker/snapped and farted. This thread doesn’t hold a candle to any of it.

BrimFullOfAsher · 04/07/2023 10:17

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 09:44

Classics is supposed to be for quirky or genuinely funny stuff.

I've found a few of the comments genuinely funny 🤷‍♂️

YoungerDryas · 04/07/2023 09:52

ChristmasFluff · 04/07/2023 09:47

This belongs on Fiesta's letters page, not classics.

It’s so depressing that mumsnet has come to this. It’s desperate.

brunettemic · 04/07/2023 09:52

OhForFucksFuckingSake · 03/07/2023 22:51

Also I think the 'double standards' bleating is really thick. It's a totally false equivalence.

A man giving a female stripper oral sex is a completely different context in terms of power dynamics, exploitation, misogyny and men's entitlement to buy access to women's bodies for their own gratification.

Yes a male stripper is there because you're paying him. But if he is sticking his erect penis in your face and telling you to lick cream off it, that is still a really uncomfortable power dynamic.

Absolute genius comment 😂😂😂 classic MN bullshit

Nagado · 04/07/2023 09:50

TheoTheopolis23 · 03/07/2023 22:28

Wtf were the other hens doing while op was behind the flag for 3-4 mins?

That's quite a bit of time in those circumstances.

I can only assume that they were in the kitchen, looking for sponge fingers and whipping up some jelly, custard and tinned fruit, ready to take advantage of the free Elmlea. And you’d better hope they were, OP, because that’s the only way you’re not going to become the target of massive gossip between now and the wedding.

And if this thread gets picked up by some lazy reporter on a slow news day, scratching his car is going to be the least of your worries.

BlueLiquid · 04/07/2023 09:48

SingingNettles · 03/07/2023 23:35

Do you think you could make a joke of it?
What’s got two thumbs and enthusiastically blows strippers in public?

Snort

ChristmasFluff · 04/07/2023 09:47

This belongs on Fiesta's letters page, not classics.

YoungerDryas · 04/07/2023 09:45

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 09:44

Classics is supposed to be for quirky or genuinely funny stuff.

Exactly. This is barrel-scraping low-calibre stuff.