I've been unfaithful and I don't know how tell DH

It’s a horrible thread, it’s debasing at its core, not just due to the content of its op, but due to many of its responses that are deeply concerning, ie it’s just a bit of silliness, or the obvious double standards and hypocrisy, or the posters salivating and wanting more detail. Fortunately enough posters have called it out

overall it makes grim reading, and what’s worse of all is the fact there is little recognition for the fact this isn’t just prostitution, that male stripper may have not wanted the op to go as far as she did.

Just because he’s male and he’s a stripper doesn’t mean he finds any woman attractive and wants her to go that far, he may have been repulsed by the fact she took it so far. And in that its sexual assault. The whole well he’s male, part of his routine is uou lick some cream off, so of course he was up for a full on blow job is beyond bullshit.

So if no one is saying she behaved well and most people agree it's cheating then where is the double standard?

You keep saying that disbelief is founded on a woman enjoying a sex act which is just ridiculous. Read the OP's posts, especially the final one which claims they've had so much support they feel validated in continuing to lie. Would the OP, if really in this situation, find this thread overwhelmingly supportive, @BigTitsMcStuffin ? No, of course not. If you believed it up til then, that was the clincher and made the agenda very plain. The bad writing made it fairly obvious before then - not bad because it said a woman can get horny, that's not the problem. But men have been coming on to MN since time immemorial writing really badly disguised wank fodder threads and you get a sense for them after a while! Plenty of genuine threads exist which discuss women's sexuality; this isn't one of them. And attempts to shut people down by accusing them of frigidity and pearl clutching is an example of misogyny, yes, and you've done plenty of that.

There are some people who only read the first post and said not to say anything and some who read the update and are still saying the OP should not tell her husband.

Why shouldn't people be allowed to call the double standard out? Because if we admit women can behave badly or be hypocrites we risk increased tolerance for rape, murder and domestic violence?

We need to accept the idea of the imperfect victim. Slut shaming women with different sexual responses doesn't make all women safer.

I'm objecting to the women on this thread saying the op's story can't be real because everyone knows women don't behave like this, women don't feel like this, or respond like this. Or if they do, they are crazy or deranged. No one is saying she behaved well and pretty much everyone agrees she cheated on her husband.

Its not being 'naughty' at a hen do or whether or not its ok for women to be sexual that's being offered for our consideration though, is it?
The OPs situation involves issues that are frequently discussed and taken very seriously on this forum. The use and exploitation of another person for sexual gratification, the issue of consent when a person is being paid, the betrayal of a spouse with a sex worker. Invariably threads with these themes involve male behaviour, as is reflective of life.
Any OP taking these almost exclusively male behaviours and superimposing them on to a woman perpetrator in an invented incident, would be quite clearly an attempt to damage women.

I wonder what responses would be if the OP had written that her husband was at a stag do and spent three or four minutes with his tongue between a woman's legs!

They'd be telling her to LTB

Nope, @BigTitsMcStuffin , the thread is damaging because of the posters swooping in on the minority of posts which say the OP did nothing wrong/shouldn't own up and claiming those are evidence of 'classic MN double standards', adding fuel to the fire of those posters who come on to threads about rape and murder and domestic violence and try to minimise it on the grounds that 'women do it too!' It's inciting the deeply tedious 'what if the sexes were reversed?' posters who try to derail threads all the time. It's being misrepresented over and over as being a thread in which posters are overwhelmingly supportive of female infidelity despite that really not being the case. The OP has been repeatedly condemned (and I'd be bothered about the posts calling slag and slut if I believed the OP was in any way genuine, luckily it's not!) But still posters pile on claiming it as 'proof' of hypocrisy, and they'll use this fictional wank thread to undermine supportive threads and to try to stop women from raising their standards and recognising abuse. Mumsnet is very valuable in helping women to understand red flags and identify dangerous male behaviour; as such there are people heavily invested in ridiculing and undermining it as a base of empowerment and support for women. This thread helps those people.

You are not only one..i wouldnt even think of doing it if i was single. So rank and cheap eugh, i cant understand how lowly someone must think of themselves to lick random mans genitals

women watching male strippers tend to scream and laugh themselves senseless

@Prettylittleroses That’s a very narrow view. It’s damaging as it can be perceived women in the main behave like this.

If you want to argue that both male and female punters who take part in sex acts with paid partners enjoy it, then fair enough.

I didn't read the whole thread after my last post. If people are saying that female punters do it for reasons not connected to sexual pleasure, yeah that does sound unlikely.

Enjoying sex with someone you paid to take part is grim, male or female, in my book. Whether the punter enjoyed their experience or not is not relevant (just my view)

That’s a very narrow view. It’s damaging as it can be perceived women in the main behave like this. As said, they don’t, that’s how blokes behave and fantasise women do, women watching male strippers tend to scream and laugh themselves senseless

Like others had said, I think this thread is intended to be damaging.

Agree.

Well thats just a wilful misreading of @Panteranoir 's excellent post. She didn't say anything of the sort.

Presumably none of those women are married to the OP's DH though.

It might be a low risk - it might not. I mean, strippers aren't supposed to engage in sexual activity with clients, so if this is a true story, he's not exactly a man who takes precautions. Who knows what he has?

However, the point is, it is a risk, and it's therefore information that the husband in this scenario deserves to know.

You should not withhold a secret from a partner that could impact on their own health. That's unforgivable. The husband might forgive the activity, but I'd be surprised if he forgives covering it up. Given how many people were there, there's a high risk the truth with out anyway.

Better to rip the bandaid off and just tell him.

If it was a man his conscience probably wouldn’t have suffered to the extent he would make up a thread about it. He would no doubt just quietly get on with his life……

Frankly even if it was true rather than a tall tale, it still won't mean women are as bad as men generally.

I can tell you from my experience of working in an almost completely male environment, I've had pass after pass after pass made at me and I am plain and more than a little chubby.

My few female uni chums have all also been subjected to the same, often in deeply unpleasant circs.

You only need to look at the threads asking what age were you when you were first flashed at, or had a man say something pervy, or sexually assaulted to understand there is indeed an entirely different power dynamic around sex for men and women. As one poster rightly pointed out despite being shouted down.

And as to the poster who said women can't do anything wrong in society? I don't think I've ever, ever seen a stupider post on mumsnet. Women are held to blame for pretty much everything. Get raped, yep that's your fault, what were you wearing, how much did you have to drink? Get domestically abused, well you brought it on yourself by nagging. Get cheated on, well you've let yourself go. Husband does not do his fair share, well you should have know he was a dick, even if he hid it before marriage. Got a promotion, got to be sleeping with the boss or a result of positive discrimination right? Your son has grown up and goes around making babies and abandoning them, it must be your mothering at fault. The list goes on and on ad nausum.

Like others had said, I think this thread is intended to be damaging.

Sociosexuality? Is that what we call it nowadays? I will remedy my post. Anyone, man or woman, who does this is grim. Is that better? I guess I am medieval then.

I am still suspicious about whether it is true, but as MN left it up...

This thread has got to be one of the most blatant attempts to push the 'women are as bad as men' agenda I've seen on here so far.
I can't imagine a single person will have their existing views about the relative poor behaviour of men and women changed in the least by such poorly executed nonsense.
Our experience in the world informs our views. One tall tale about a woman behaving badly isn't going to wipe out decades of that.

That's true - how can the flag have been so big it covered all of him and all of her?

Of course everyone knows.